Gonna make this a movie and call it the Bourne Deficiency

To me having ADHD is kind of like if your dopamine receptors was a sleeper agent that could only be activated by the song “You Gotta Be - Des’ree” or binge eating

Every device nowadays has an app with a “wake up with me” function on it. At this point my if my combined phone, watch, lights, vacuum cleaner, kitty litter tray, microwave, fridge, doorbell, PC, record player, washing machine, shower, toilet, wall art and pet feeder can’t wake me up nothing can.

YouTube using AI summaries on its videos is so weird to me because I feel like their entire business model is people watching the videos to see what they’re about.

Me every time I do heatless curls: I love to put this door snake in my hair… It’s good to make sure my locks are not drafty. Hehe what a silly little joke for myself.

One thing about me is if someone on TV is crying I am also crying

One thing about me is if I’m going down, I’m going down swinging

Just saw the start of the new Most Upsetting Guessing Game with @auntydonnaboys.bsky.social @lenamoon.bsky.social and Virginia Gay when they give everyone quirks and this counts as attempted murder I think

The dudes who got arrested over the Louvre heist are hot??? Ok so I guess being hot is the only way to succeed in ANY INDUSTRY now???

Put this on my digital tombstone

I finally understand what makes Halloween spooky!!! Nothing is scarier than having plans!!!

Traitors (tv show) is great but I’d be lying if it doesn’t make me crave breakfast food every episode

My cats started doing this cool thing where she breaks into the toilet when I’m in there then starts biting my feet and it’s really shortened my toilet sit and scroll time

The hardest part about being bi and dating a man is knowing how much better my travel photos could have been if I had dated a girl instead.

Bought some new plants, or as I like to call it “replacing my cat’s salads”

Anyone who says gaming is still a niche topic in 2025 needs to read about what’s going on with The Sims being sold

I laugh every time I read the word “ball-peen hammer” idk how builders are out here keeping a straight face around those things.

Wearing a beanie makes me look like I’m a garden gnome whose wish to be a “real boy” was granted.

Screw ‘who would you call to help you hide a body’ I wanna know who you call when you get a bad haircut, or are they the same?

Down time, or as I like to call it: I gotta stop or my body will make me stop time.

Screaming “crying throwing up” because I don’t understand memes

how many @annapurna.com games must one must play before they make you an official partner - asking for a friend

Sometimes I worry I’m not doing enough to become a really big Twitch streamer but then I remember that I used my front page time yesterday to stream myself to 1200 people while I labeled small pots of cranberry sauce and I KNOW I am doing everything I can

You should be able to share your targeted advertising algorithm with ppl when they ask you what you want for your birthday.

I have now played a women who lapsed on her New Years Resolution in 2 different ads. Weird feeling to achieve success by getting typecast as a failure.

My actual take on this one is that I want Pedro as Joel as a Fortnite skin over fantastic four. But that’s just me. I’m happy regardless, because as previously said, Daddy Shooty.

Daddy Shooty (sorry for this one)

I simply won’t stop making jokes!!!

The Sims: where even fairies, werewolves and vampires have to worry about the crushing weight of capitalism.

Just a casual reminder I am doing my show ONE LAST TIME in Comedy Republic’s enormous big theatre on Thursday. It’s going to be hard for me to not talk about my cat for an entire hour and do jokes instead but I’m willing to make the sacrifice if you’re willing to come to the show.

Just a casual reminder I am doing my show ONE LAST TIME in Comedy Republic’s enormous big theatre on Thursday. It’s going to be hard for me to not talk about my cat for an entire hour and do jokes instead but I’m willing to make the sacrifice if you’re willing to come to the show.

Babysitting my 8 year old nephew and he just asked me to explain conscription and then said he wishes the world could solve climate change so yeah having a pretty mentally chill morning.

Me at some point playing any puzzle game: ok I wish to fist fight the developer of this game

When you’re a kid cake just appears on your birthday, only for you to reach adulthood and realise often one must organise their own cake when hosting a party. Pitching a new society rule: best friend of bday person organises the cake. I’ll run for government on this platform I think.

I was a fool for getting a master's in making stuff up (screenwriting) instead of a master's in making stuff up (economics)

Owning a dog = neurotypical Owning a cat = neurodivergent

We need another Mindy project aka a show where one woman dates every funny hot sitcom guy in the zeitgeist across one season.

Booked a dramatic haircut when I was luteal only for the appointment to be when I am ovulating and now I don’t know if I should actually cut my hair

anybody else doing crying maths at their work? we must implore you to quit @lenamoon.bsky.social @gilliancosgriff.bsky.social

As a comedian with a relaxed approach to hair brushing I gotta say podcasts becoming a visual medium has been really bad for me.

Anxiety, or as I like to call it giving someone the ‘Detriment of the Doubt’

Saying I live in a “content house” but meaning it in the happiness way

I think the easiest way to remember you’ve adopted a cat is waking up in the morning and everything in your home has been moved around ever so slightly.

I know we say this about AI a lot, but Google Veo 3 is utterly terrifying to me.

I have become completely insufferable about my new pet but in fairness look at her

Internet I don’t want to get ready with you. I barely have time to get myself ready

I’m all or nothing!!!! Or some, if I’m up to it.

Saw someone absolutely frothing at the mouth from anger behind the wheel of a car and just thought: omg road rage? So 90s. How vintage.

Me listening to a playlist I made 5+ years ago: who tf made this playlist?

Be real with me here how scrappy can you go selling on Depop or is the expectation it’s been worn once or not at all?