20 years on, Madonna’s ‘Confessions’ album finally lands where it belongs—in my healed heart. At 17, I was heartbroken, homeless and tangled in an eating disorder. Back then, it couldn’t reach me. It was like a secret no one had let me in on. Now, I can finally dance to it the way I was meant to 🥰

Did all the sleep hygiene today — exercise, sun lamp time, Vitamin D supplement, no caffeine or sugar after 12pm. Got into bed with melatonin, an eye mask and ear plugs, only to still be wired and wide awake 2 hours later! My body’s like “cute ritual, anyway—insomnia!” #insomnia

Finished work and instantly began a spontaneous sofa deep clean — 2.5 hours of lint rolling, de-bobbling, and steam-cleaning like a feral gremlin. Got so sweaty I treated myself to a reward beer. Then another. Then another—And now I’m part of the furniture again. Pissed as a fart. Happy Monday!

@mrjamesob.bsky.social Discussing immigration w/ a relative & said I don’t support Tommy Robinson’s views & got, “So you support the rape of young girls?”—The insane logic leap=disliking one scruffy white man means you endorse heinous crimes. By that reasoning, hating Marmite makes you an arsonist 🤦‍♂️

Just spent 30 seconds in HMV before leaving in a state of bereavement. It’s now 90% Korean confectionery, plush toys & novelty candles—“Great Deals” on music consisted of a 1-disc Greatest Hits CD from 2009 retailing for £14—Now mourning pure nostalgia and not questioning online music capitalism

Had a headache all day, switch on the news and suddenly reality is doing backflips! An estate agent’s accepted liability for Rachel Reeves’ rental license saga and the King’s finally stripped Andrew of his titles, styles, honours and lodge! Universe in glorious chaos—Might buy a scratch card!

Up early, senior leaders in, ready to impress—Then my iron ejaculated a limescale volcano all over my freshly pressed shirt. Instead of getting a new one like a functional adult, I stood there screaming at it for a full minute—because apparently I lose arguments to inanimate household appliances now

📍 Boscombe Pier, Bournemouth

The reform party nativity scene. No unmarried mothers. No Middle Eastern people. No refugees. No people seeking emergency accommodation. And not a wise fvcking man in sight…

Sunday reset: ✅ Extra hour in bed ✅ Fresh coffee ✅ Autumn vibes Then I switched on the TV and got hit with Laura Kuenssberg (and her salmon suit) and Kay Burley. Went from zen to nuclear in 3 seconds flat and now off to boil my head. #BBCLauraK​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Sweet holy thermostat, the temperature overnight has dropped quicker than a whore’s drawers! 🥶❄️

Treated myself to a badge 👍😘

Waking up to another glorious day of @zackpolanski.bsky.social chaos: • Green Party memberships soaring • Broadcasters clutching their pearls • Journalists rebooting mid-sentence • Pundits having meltdowns on live TV • Establishment sweating • People feeling HOPE and feeling HEARD! —Perfection 💚💚💚

While most politicians tell us what people think, @zackpolanski.bsky.social starts with how people feel: “tired, exhausted and fed up.” That’s not messaging — that’s empathy. Leadership with a pulse 💚 #BBCLauraK

Just watched @newsagents.bsky.social w/ @lewisgoodall.com & @zackpolanski.bsky.social—Zack is a breath of fresh air—No spin, no evasion, no simpering. He talks to the nuances and grey areas, showing two things can be true at once, it doesn’t have to be ‘Black or White’ or ‘Us vs Them’. More please 💚

Discovered @samaverycomedy.com on @thetrawl.bsky.social—Absolutely howling at this: "Somehow the idea of equality & unity makes some people really angry! …They say stuff like 'All the billionaires will leave—The system will be broken!'—Mate, butter costs about £27, the systems already broken!" 👏

Can’t sleep… So, Kate Bush 🎧🥰

Home from work after a day of getting nowhere fast. Social battery totally depleted and I’m now retreating into my shell like a tortoise until further notice. I will hiss at anyone who makes eye contact or comes near 🐢

Looking for book recommendations 📚 I like my fiction smart, unhinged and a little bit feral—poetic obsession, moral decay, genius-level weirdness and emotional brutality 😘 What should I read next? #BookSky

Listening to @thetrawl.bsky.social w/ @zackpolanski.bsky.social & suddenly remembered what politics with a pulse sounds like—Such a breath of fresh air. Authentic—No spin—Just vision—Been Labour all my life but this made me stop and think! Thx @jemmaforte.bsky.social & @marina-purkiss.bsky.social 💚🎙️

Grateful for the Gaza ceasefire and the hostages’ return, but hearing the sycophantic, obsequious and oleaginous grovelling to Trump at the Knesset is nauseating. A true, global leader who desired peace wouldn’t need this circus of flattery for doing the right thing—and at that the very bare minimum

Crawled out of my plague pit to rejoin society and try and be productive. Instantly walked backwards into my car door when unloading the shopping, then face-planted a spider web mid–fresh air moment and then superglued my fingers together doing DIY! If this is recovery, I’d hate to see a relapse 🕷️🚪🩹

Being sick and sofa-bound is bad enough, but weekend TV is the real disease. The Strictly Come Dancing intro started and I nearly combusted on the spot. Just cremate me with the remote—let’s end the suffering early so I can escape the sequins!

Started work like a corporate warlord—emails flying, productivity unmatched—Then my body said “lol no”, kicked off a vomit marathon & I spent an hour hugging the lavatory—Now on the sofa like a frailing Victorian waif, clutching a hot water bottle & watching an Oliver Cromwell film for moral support

Just finished ‘The Restless Republic’ by Anna Keay—1650s Britain tried democracy, rage-quit and begged to go back to how it was before. Same energy as Westminster today — all zeal, no clue, broke by Thursday. History doesn’t repeat, it binge-streams! ⚔️📺👑

Obligatory British seaside lunch: pea fritter & chips. My veins now run with oil and my soul is wrapped in paper. If this food coma takes me, fear not — I’ll be preserved and embalmed forever in malt vinegar ✌️ 📍 The Parade, Swanage

Autumnal walk 🍁🚶❤️🐷 @ @rspb.bsky.social Arne 📍 Arne Peninsula, Dorset

@letterappsoc.bsky.social Hey - I’m sure you’ll already know about this one, but saw this beautiful cream Victorian mailbox in Arne today 📮😍 📍 Arne Peninsula, Dorset

Don’t feel like I’ve done much today, just… got up early, food shop, library run, two loads of washing (both dried, in this weather?!?!), cleaned the house within an inch of its life (whilst listening to 5hrs of an audiobook) & made macaroni cheese for dinner later. I’m either thriving or losing it!

Never too old for Tottenham cake 🍰❤️💕

“First day I met her, she said: I’m a radical feminist lesbian!” “I thought: What would the Queen Mum do?” - Patricia Routledge as ‘Kitty’ by Victoria Wood 😂

“So I leant over—tapped her on the cleavage with a pastry fork, I said: My mother gave birth to twins in an unheated washhouse and then got straight up and finished the mangling, so think on!” 😂 - Patricia Routledge as ‘Kitty’ by Victoria Wood

Dreamt about an estranged friend last night who had renovated their whole house to perfection but sealed off their bathroom. Nothing says healed and thriving like a plumbing metaphor—No release, no closure. Just eternal constipation, inside and out 😂

Woke up late, coffee failed me, run out the door with my shirt still damp, hair feral, sciatic nerve doing the Macarena. Walking into the office looking like a cross between the reanimated corpse of a musketeer and a taxidermy experiment ✌️

Just muted ‘Taylor Swift’—Kudos to her, catchy songs & biz savvy, but there’s a whole messy, noisy, glorious world outside the Swiftisphere I’m more interested in—This is her 9th album in 5yrs, with the last album coming in 36x diff formats—How many formats does it take to flog the same diary entry?

Horrified Slovakia’s passed law banning surrogacy & restricting adoption to straight married couples only—For a nation invaded, occupied & bossed around for centuries, now dictating who can raise kids is Olympic hypocrisy—If you think that’s fine, fuck off—authoritarianism isn’t culture—it’s cruelty

Folks who claim: “IDGAF what ppl think—I live my truth—I’m at peace—focusing on me ✨” yet lock their socials down like Alcatraz? Nothing says ‘inner peace’ quite like a digital panic room, curated so only a handpicked hype-squad & compliment cult can applaud? Enlightenment via selective visibility 😂

Having one of those days 😔 Phoned my work’s private counselling line for a support call—Got a counsellor with all the tact and urgency of a sloth trying to perform brain surgery with oven mitts, made me feel worse! Day officially abandoned—retreating to sofa: Horlicks, blankets & 90s sitcom reruns 😌

Chocolate mousse: when you wanted dessert but got edible air instead 😭

Not pro digital ID, but the folks screaming “1984!” seem oblivious to the fact we already live in Black Mirror: • 6m+ UK CCTV cameras • Smartphones listening 24/7 • Alexa logging everything • Cookies tracking us like lab rats Authoritarian state? Babe, you subscribed years ago 🤣🪪

…and just like that, I’m awake. My brain’s a jack-in-the-box that screams at 3am: ‘Sleep is for the weak!’—Then forces me to binge a highlight reel of all my failures, everything from childhood humiliation to adult ineptness—No pause button, no remote, just endless reruns in 4K shame #Insomnia

Just tucked myself in like a pensioner at 9:30pm. Melatonin, magnesium, doxylamine succinate, senokot (If you know, you know) and a mug of Horlicks—plus eye mask, ear plugs and a orthopedic mattress topper.All this gear just to hopefully achieve what toddlers do in shopping trolleys: unconsciousness

Remember when BlueSky felt like finding a cozy coffee shop where strangers actually talked to each other—Where convo focused more on what united us rather than what divided us? Now I’m playing whack-a-mole with the mute button like I’m back in the old neighbourhood—The rot always finds a way in 🦋💔

Tommy Robinson went to Colombia & Panama as he “needed a break.” A break from what—whipping up hate & living off drama? He writes the chaos & then complains when he’s cast in it. Funny how he preaches others should be detained & sent back if they’re criminals yet whines when the script flips on him?

Hurts 🎧😙💭

Been up since 1:40am. Too wrecked to drive, so I’m trudging through drizzle to work—planning to deep throat a Greggs breakfast bap en route before arriving at the office like damp, caffeinated roadkill. Happy Thursday ✌️

2am ceiling stare out: Did Guy Fawkes pack snacks for the Gunpowder Plot stakeout? #PerilsofInsomnia

Just read King Charles personally escorted Trump to his Windsor suite—Nothing like inflating the ego of the world’s biggest narcissist by having a monarch of 14 realms play bellboy—Trump will think he’s God now—I’d stick my head in the oven but it’s electric—so I’ll just scream into the void instead

Watching Trump’s state visit makes my skin crawl—I get that strategic diplomacy requires us to roll out the red carpet, but what kills me is he’s oblivious that—He doesn’t see it as strategy, to him it’s validation. He thinks he deserves it, unaware the UK is just trying to keep the baby pacified 😡🤬

Passing British teens who look like they’re 13 going on 43. Throwing tantrums if they don’t get their Red Bull & vape before school—basically toddlers crying for a bottle & dummy, but with nicotine & taurine. Back in my day we went to school with nothing but frostbite & unresolved childhood trauma 😂