There's too many fucking people in the Epstein files. Need Yakko Warner to sing a song about it to help me get caught up

One thing I know is that every house has a bag of bags

The central unified definition of “woke” is “the ability for society to bust you for being an asshole”

In our greatest hour of need, a hero emerges to blast Michael Rapaport right in the kisser

The American people electing Trump after he staged a coup attempt 5 years ago was a nail in the coffin of our democracy. You can rationalize it all you want - But inflation! But wokeness! - but ultimately it was a societal suicide attempt and probably the dumbest collective voting decision ever made

My peets to your peets… My beans to your beans… #dogs #AmericanBulldog

In 2026 I plan I plan to…

Incels: “Woke ruined Baldur’s Gate 3!!!” Me:

Threads pissed me off so BlueSky gets the pic of Marley’s neck fold eating my foot

BG3 is going to absolutely cook me

It’s not a wagon it’s a sleeper car #wagonwednesday

Ride the walrus

Thigh and biscuit

It’s important to make conchas choices

The Iron Curtain has been restored

The absolute cruelty of the anti-trans measures this week and the cowardly, banal evil of those advancing them is monstrous. Please show up for anyone you know who’s being affected by this madness. Hold them close, treasure who they are, celebrate that they are here. Listen. Help. Defend. Love.

My summoning and traveling album:

The perfect sticker doesn’t exis…

Leed is designed specifically to give you challenging thoughts about orcs…

As promised @missoldsoul.bsky.social , I present my legs

Also this is recorded footage of Marley sleeping between my legs last night

“Tell ‘em Tiny Patel sent ya!”

Tipsy from the jazz clurb

God sent his Son to live and die as a human being*. God is not going to jack his Son into the Matrix. *if you believe this sort of thing.

I’m going to eat dumplings until I become dumpling and then I’m gonna eat some more

Robe control in effect

One think about me…I’m fucking fancy as fuck

My experience so far…

Secretary Pete Hegseth, a Princeton graduate, was unable to comprehend that photographs create mirror images of their subjects. Here's why affirmative action has lowered the standards of Ivy League admissions.

If you love this movie we can be friends

“You have something I want…”

This is a butterfly throat tattoo and heavy eyebrows appreciation post.

If I ask you to help me in a caper I’m talking about this

I am a turkey hoagie-eating motherfucker and even *I* will say that I would not voluntarily choose turkey as the central Thanksgiving bird (given a choice). It is, at best, a vessel for stuffing.

MAHA is an inherently stupid acronym. Something that annoying to say can’t lead to better health.

My King of Frowns

I am basking in the glow of a truly majestic fried chicken sandwich from a local famous spot.

🎶 His Pi was Raspberry, hooray! 🎶

I had a burrito. He had a target.

More and more the only real response is “Maaaannnn shut your corny ass up”

The struggle is real

I would burn down the world for this guy

dawg not the steakhouse wedding font

Latkes achieved. Breakfast beggel achieved. But I ate too fast

Last night I grabbed my hibiscus tea from the fridge and took a distracted slug. Except…it wasn’t my hibiscus tea. It was the last bit of my wife’s batched Negroni. Every one of my internal organs changed places. Some left my body entirely. My bones are gone for sure.

I’m planning some latkes in the morning because they are perfected hash browns

We have to be as commited to fixing things as MAGA is to breaking them. Those allying with destructive forces are counting on them succeeding or that the consequences should their efforts fails are less than they would have been if they hadn’t obeyed in advance. (1/2)

60 Minutes used to be a show we’d put on and the whole family wouldn’t watch. It was valued, and respected. They just became another propaganda outlet. There needs to be an accounting for this…