Me waiting for the DLR doors to open at Bank, about to make the quick switch to the Northern Line to make a connecting National Rail service at St Pancras.

Did YOU get up early for it? This morning it was the exact time that Bill Murray keeps waking up in "Groundhog Day"!

Might not be around much longer, as the verification system has downgraded my face from just "old" to...

I love this joke.

Great review in general but let's all particularly take some time to enjoy the opening two paragraphs

OK. Omg.

I was just hot-footing it here to say exactly this. I only saw it a month ago and thoroughly enjoyed it: Hard to think of a more loving, honest, and smart biopic with pitch-perfect casting.

They doing Klarna?

"It was cruel kids, sure, but back in 2025 we gave the winner of the "16th Vs 17th in the league" award... the "Vainquers Trophy". It was pretty funny."

Did my personality test and it spat out three photos of Ben Wyatt, plus a photo of me that i'm pretty sure was taken without my knowledge across an otherwise empty restaurant. Seems pretty accurate all round.

wife: how was guarding the two paths today, honey? guard: [looking away] fine wife: did something happen? guard: [tearing up] no wife: would the other guard tell me something happened?

No YOU spent an hour last night trying to perfect a Spaceballs font for absolutely no intended purpose.

Feeling for those cardinals: even on the second day of the festival the toilets are always gross by now.

Just took 93yr old Cardinal to vote at Conclave, he's registered blind. In a very loud voice he said, "Which box for Pizzaballa?" A cheer went up from those waiting by the chimney.

Very bad luck that we end up in an important game at Luton when they've just announced a new Pope. #pusb

Discontinuing it will only force addicts underground - Prohibition doesn't work. I'm registering "ToblerOnlyFans" now to cash in.

Tom Hardy reads you a bedtime story.

i have never resonated with something so strongly

You can't still believe this when one group are drinking champagne and whooping triumph on the court steps, and the other group now feels much more frightened and marginalised than they did before. That's *exactly* the reading of the judgement and could never have been otherwise.

COMING SOON: When the difference is life or death, morality becomes a moveable feast... Before Sweeney Todd, there was only... "Lovett". www.boondogtheatre.com/lovett

The first Trump administration felt like it was full of 1960s Batman villains who’d use a flock of birds to steal a bank shaped like a giant ceramic pig. The second Trump administration feels like it’s full of 1980s Batman villains who’d break into your home and shoot your daughter to make a point.

trump: no suit, Zelensky? disrespectful. disrespectful to the oval office. disrespectful to the american peopleee musk [enters wearing jorts]: I’m late because my dick implant was leaking

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Add some broth and potato - Baby, you got a stew.

Completed the transatlantic double of Hadestown last week, and simultaneously ticked off the left/right balcony double. I really like this show and I tell you what: I think the current UK cast might be the best one yet.

Just had a look at the first offers of Edinburgh Fringe accommodation for this year's festival: a smallish standard 1-bedroom fairly close to centre... Going to be a great year.

Oh good Lord. Big week for deleting accounts I guess. Is Friends Reunited still OK?

Hi. I have now deactivated my account at the other place, with a terrific amount of sadness, but it's been coming. It's become unusable, unbearable and totally contrary to the purpose for which I joined it. I hope for a renaissance here: that would be lovely. Hi.

In case people missed this on Xmas day, and just before it sinks into irrelevance, my Amazon Xmas Paraody. I liked it.

Evening all. I hope Santa visits you, but he's already been here. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rizR...

BANE READS THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS - hashtag topicalannualcontent

"What did you do last night Joseph?" "Not that it's any of your business, Mr National Enquirer... But I had the pleasure of spending a quiet evening in the company of Mary." "Wait a minute... "Mary"? Don't you mean... "the Virgin Mary"?" (DUUMMMM DUH DUMM DUMMM)

OK I'm here what did I miss? Lol. SRS tho so very sad about Twitter. I found so many wonderful people there and I hope they all land here too. I hope you're one of them. But it's time. You can't even give that place a click now. We go again.

Just a PSA to use express delivery to ensure it gets there before Monday. youtu.be/hV8JFj17AtY?... I'm also warning you with peace and love.