On the one hand, it would be nice to leave the house again. On the other hand, I am so good at not leaving the house I'm beginning to think becoming a shut-in is my calling.

"That whole razzmatazz in Minnesota is just bonkers. All this poopsyschmoodle just because we've murdered a few people! It's nutsobonkers that anyone is even upset at these hi jinx!" - Donmentia

Even Will Rogers would have trouble liking a crook like Kevin Hern.

"You guys have done such a great job killing Americans at home, you deserve a vacation where you can kill Americans in Italy." www.bbc.com/news/article...

I have it on good authority that Greg Bovino met and romanced Mike Johnson while they both performed in an all-white community theatre production of "The (Grand) Wiz."

Thoughts and Prayers for Specific People's Grisly Dismemberments

You see, what has to happen here is that Pretti’s family HAS to sue Miller for $100 million for defamation of their son’s character. They’d win hands down, Miller would be bankrupted, and a serious message would be sent to all the other liars and criminals in this administration.

Next time I get snowed in, I hope it's at Fogo de Chao.

DEAR GOD, NOT THEIR MORALE! Will they even be able to put on their body armor and murder innocents in the streets anymore? Poor things.

"Your honor, how was I supposed to know the masked people with guns were ICE? They were throwing people down in the streets and attacking children, which is not something I would consider a function of the federal government. I was just 'holding my ground.'" "Case dismissed."

Of course I'm getting ready for The Big Game. Convincing my wife to play Risk, on the other hand, remains frustratingly out of reach.

All I want to do today is eat tacos and see every member of ICE prosecuted for their crimes.

If the US were a geopolitical rival the headlines would be like: US Secret Police Execute Second Dissident In the Streets As Militarized Occupation Enters Sixth Week

Yall outside of MN need to know that observers are STILL out protecting their neighbors. Right now. They know the news and they’re still out there.

If it can happen in Minneapolis, it can happen here. It can happen anywhere in America. It can happen to your family, your friends. How much longer are we going to put up with it?

I'm starting to worry that no one will show up to my cookout tonight.

"The Beauty" is exactly the kind of trash I need right now.

His Canadian girlfriend is REAL and the only ones saying she's fake are women who are JEALOUS of his TOTALLY REAL AND NOT GROK AI-MADE GIRLFRIEND.

And, even after the blatant corruption, the unconstitutional actions, torpedoing the economy, Republicans are still saying, "Well, I don't agree with him, but I'd never vote for a black woman."

Because that guy's only experience with Kafka is asking Grok what "The Metamorphosis" was about.

It's got to Happen soon, right?

Hope y'all like eating simulations.

In addition to being bad, this is all pretty stupid.

Boo, and I cannot emphasize this enough, fucking hoo. "The G.E.D.estapo is sad because people called them murderers and terrorists just because they're murdering and terrorizing people."

Accidentally told my daughter what I think, so now I'm dead to her.

People say that it won't matter when the spray-tanned pedophile with dandelion hair dies, and I can't disagree more. He'll be dead. It won't fix everything, but it will be sometime to smile about, even if the world is ending.

You can tell he's lying because there's no way anybody is friends with this guy.

RT if you've never had a tab of ChatGPT open 'just to do quick research'

There are precious few funny things these days, but an entire generation of Republican women getting surgery to look like cat aliens in order to appeal to an elderly pedophile is definitely one of them.

Send help! I'm alone with my thoughts!

The Trump administration is dedicated to preserving your freedom to starve before the death squads arrive.

I regret to inform you that Sally Kern isn't in hell yet.

That kid could just squirt a bunch of Visine in his Diet Cokes. He'd be a legend.

Tom Homan can't even fucking talk, he sounds like his mouth is full of fresh dogshit

Shoutout to food.

Our elected officials won't even stand up to the least-popular President in history because they're afraid he'll call a death squad on them and the bought-and-paid-for media will report it as a righteous kill.

People not in Minnesota: please read this excellent summary of what life is like in Minneapolis since the murderous scum ICE swarmed here. And more are on their way. By local reporter / writer / bike dude / legend @dbrauer.net .

He'd have given a thumbs up if they'd yelled, "You're the best pedophile protector!"

I suggest you read this, because all the things you think about ICE's hiring process are much, much worse than you imagine.

Guy who woke up from a 30-year coma today: Not Scott Adams! Nurse: Hey, look at this for a second. It's called Twitter. Guy: Oh. Yeah, nevermind.

The difference between us is that I *would* piss on him if he was on fire. I would just wait until he was for sure dead before I unzip. That's common sense.

One bit of cold comfort in these awful, terrifying times: When Adolph Hitler decided to eat a vegan bullet, a bunch of Nazis followed suit. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_su...

If you make your own avocado toast and coffee for breakfast at home, every Boomer has to automatically give you $1.

I'm not "burying my head in the sand," thank you very much. This is called "digging your own grave."

My day so far: ::wake up:: ::unlock phone for 15 seconds:: "Welp, that's enough for today!"

Listening to Markwayne Derpadorp, you'd never believe he has opposable thumbs.

Imagine watching CBS. I promise, you'll enjoy it way more than actually watching CBS.

I don't even care if I want a cold drink, from now on I'm ordering everything #NoICE.

I could really have done without the weather reflecting my mood today.

Live in 2026? Without antidepressants?