Dear Antifa, um, I hate to be a bother, but I still haven't received my appearance fee check, and the rally is on Saturday, so just checkin' on it. Thanks for looking into this for me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish my letter to Santa. I've been really good this year! Maddy out.

Diversity. Equity. Inclusion. Yesterday. Today. Forever. Maddy out.

I hereby suggest that the followers of the Portland Frog be named 'Tadpoles'. Just a thought. Maddy out!

Nothing says Peace Prize like kidnapping people and sending them to concentration camps, calling your Dept. of Defense the Dept. of War, blowing up fishermen, imprisoning your political enemies, instigating global financial uncertainty, and cutting off international aid, etc. RIGGED! Maddy out!

Sometimes we need a moment, but if you tune out completely, they win. Fascism doesn’t need your support, just your silence.

It’s important to flood social media and news channels with news about how ICE lies, so that potential jurors see it.

Seems to me the only thing trump ever paid attention to was fuckin mein kampf and the videos straight out of 1942 Germany

I just want to say that this tyranny will come to an end. I do not know when, or how many innocent people will be damaged by it, but it will end. There will be justice for the oppressed. There is light at the end of this dark tunnel of sadism. And I'm bringing the fucking flashlights. Maddy out!

Dear Maga Snowflakes. I say this with the most sincerity and concern for you. IT'S A FUCKING HALFTIME PERFORMER! WHO GIVES A FUCK! YOU ARE NOT NOR WILL EVER BE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE! GET OVER IT YOU SPINELESS, WHINEY SHITBAGS! I hope this has been helpful. Have a lovely evening. Maddy out.

Dear members of ICE, I have some bad news for you. Despite your cruelty to innocent people, posturing with your big, long, hard guns, and puffing out your chests, um, well, your daddy still has no respect for you. I think you know why. Oh, and you also still have small penises. Maddy out!

I'll take an overweight General over a pompous, alcoholic dipshit with racist tattoos all over him any day. Just sayin' for no particular reason. Maddy out!

We are a country that is dying. Our death has not been brought on by outside marauders. We have not been murdered by external forces. We have slit our own wrists and are now laying in resigned tranquility in the oligarch's warm bath water, oblivious that our life is draining out of us. Maddy out.

I just LOVE acronyms! So, lets invent one! We need 3 random letters. Let's see. Let's start with "I". Then, how about "C". Hmmm. Now, how about "E". Ok! I think I've got it! Incel Cumwad Excrement! ICE! So fun. Anybody else wanna play? Looking for the best meaning for the acronym 'ICE'. Maddy out!

Wounded Knee is not only one of the darkest and most inhumane chapters in this nation's history. It is also foreshadowing. Maddy out!

Dear Supposed Dept. of Homeland Security. Just to be clear, Des Moines school superintendents aren't gang members, hardened criminals, or drug runners. They are decent, hard-working people who are of great value to our community, you lying, racist motherfuckers! Maddy out!

Dear Repedocans. Please stop trying to indoctrinate our children in public schools into your false sense of morality so that you can groom them into being subservient subjects in your sex trafficking rings. Oh, and please stop bastardizing your faith and being twisted fucks. Thanks. Maddy out!

Hey, good news! After my author is raptured at 3:08PM, CST today, his signed books will be collector's items and TOTALLY be worth a fortune! Wait, what? The dumb motherfucker didn't make the cut? Too many Jesus jokes? Well, hell. Sorry folks. Your signed books will still be worthless. Maddy out!

Oh my god! They're right! It's here! www.bing.com/videos/river...

I'm so pleased to hear that ABC is reinstating Jimmy Kimmel. In other news, I'm still not reversing my cancellation to HULU. Maddy out!

I can't tell you about the secret antifa meeting. Why? Cause there's no such organization. But, if you want domestic terrorist groups, try the Proud Boys or Oath Keepers. I thought those were names of Blue Oyster Cult albums, but nope. They're domestic terrorist organizations. Go get em! Maddy out!

Paramount+ really shouldn't have asked why we cancelled. Her's our response: "Bending the knee to the authoritarian regime. Not acting in the best interest of the American public. Being bootlicking douches." Did I miss anything? Maddy out!

Dear people who say I'm not mourning his death properly. You are mistaken. I'm not mourning his death at all. What I am mourning is the complete collapse of morals and civility in this nation that led up to that event, if that counts for anything. No? Well, fuck it then. Maddy out!

Ok, let's play the cancel game, shall we? I hereby declare that any entity that bends to the regime shall be cancelled by me. HULU/Disney/ABC-CANCELLED! Paramount +/CBS (Sorry Jon)- CANCELLED! The Supreme Court- CANCEL...um...ok, I don't have the power to do that...yet. Maddy out!

I'd suggest to Nancy Mace that she go fuck herself, but I'm afraid she might take me up on it and sprain a finger. Maddy out!

Please forgive me if I save my tears for innocent victims of mass shootings, rape victims, innocent people being kidnapped by thugs, victims of the Palestinian genocide, and victims of Putin's war and not for farmers who voted themselves into bankruptcy. I have no tears left for you. Maddy out!

RFK = Repelled From Knowledge. Just sayin'.

Dear anti-cancel culture repedocans, Quoting somebody's hate speech is NOT celebrating that person's death. Nor is it hate speech. IT'S STATING FUCKING FACTS YOU BRAINWASHED FUCKING HYPOCRITES! Maddy out! PS- STOP PROTECTING MEN WHO RAPE CHILDREN AND RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES! Ok- Now, Maddy out!

Hey RFK! Just got my Covid vax! Now fuck off! Maddy out!

For the record, I abhor any form of political violence no matter who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. But the number of tears that I shed for the victim will be determined by the victim's complicity in fomenting that political violence in the first place. Maddy out!

I would like to just put this out there for the record. At no time ever have I signed anything in a manner that resembled pubic hair. It looks more like a major incident on an interstate bypass. Maddy out!

Dear soybean farmers who voted for this. Are you ready to admit that you done fucked up? Naw, didn't think so. But hey, welcome new socialists! Maddy out!

Dept. of WAR, huh? I kinda like it. It's kinda appropriate. Dept. of Whiney Asshole Republicans. Or is it, Dept. of Worthless Aryan Rapists. Either way, has a nice ring to it. Maddy out!

RFK= Ridiculous Fucking Knuckledragger.

The reverence of Ashli Babbitt by the regime is a signal. Be willing to commit the ultimate sacrifice for the regime and you too shall be revered. The next level of indoctrination. Maddy out!

Here's my plan for when I get denied my COVID booster. Step 1: Document my attempt. Step 2: When (not if) I contract COVID, I shall inform my treating physician to send the bill to the fucking twats who denied my preventive care. Step 3: SUE THE FUCKERS! Maddy out!

I see that the CDC has changed its name to reflect RFK Jr's reign of terror on science.

Hey, quick little consumer tip here. If you're looking to buy a kid a book for their birthday or something, please don't get "The Jeffrey Epstein Birthday Book". WORST FUCKING KIDS' BOOK EVER! Maddy out!

ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS! STAND BACK! I'VE GOT A PASTRAMI ON RYE AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! Maddy out! PS- If I throw it at you and it hits the ground, the ten-second rule applies and I'm going to eat it.

Remember when all the whack jobs were screaming about government death panels while the ACA was being debated? I hate to admit this, but it turns out they were right. The government death panels are known as the CDC. Now let me make my own health choices and get a COVID booster, fuckers! Maddy out!

DOUBLE DOG DARE HIM TO MESS WITH CHICAGO

Dear poor white people who are upset over a restaurant logo. Look on the bright side. At least you aren't being kidnapped by masked agents of the regime and sent to concentration camps. Maddy out!

Okay, I need to make a couple points about this whole Cracker Barrel brew-ha-ha. Point One: Who gives a fuck? Point Two: Where are the fuckin' Epstein files? Maddy out!

HEADLINE: "Jeanine Pirro says people who carry rifles, shotguns in DC will no longer face felony charges." And by "people" I'm pretty sure she means White Nationalists. Maddy out!

Ok, so now that we have the pointless and embarrassing "summit" in Alaska over with can we get down to business? RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES! Thank you for your attention to this matter. Maddy out!

Okay, motherfuckers! Stand back! I've got 'Stand your ground' laws. Oh, and a sandwich! With a vinaigrette dressing! And that shit stings! Maddy out!

Well, "Rock and Roll All Night" and "Detroit Rock City" might be taken permanently off of my playlist. We'll see. I'll still have "New York Groove" though. Maddy out!

Hey! Has anybody heard the latest hit by the Bangles? It's super catchy. "Just Another TACO Tuesday." (Disclaimer: This is not an actual song by the Bangles. But it should be).

So, after today's announcement that the regime is beginning its predictable military take-over of US cities, I have a quick question. When are you releasing the Epstein files? Maddy out!

Since we're now all-in on racial profiling, how's about we send anyone who is the color of an Oompa-Loompa to concentration camps? Maddy out!