I wish men could delete the word “unpleasant” from their vernacular

I will never forgive you for ruining Halsey

Screaming externally

Asshole

It’s gotta be so embarrassing if your mental health professional was seriously asking, “are they in the room with us right now?” And they’re not You’re just like ??? Oh so you think I’m crazy fr

The reflecting pool is soooooo ugly now

People don’t really honk the horn around here Not me bitch I’m laying on it. Because what are you actually doing?

I want to move to NYC for the pizza and socialism

…a love of the poor? Surely there was a better way to write that lmao

If you bump into someone in public, say, “excuse me”

All the countries playing in the World Cup have universal healthcare. Except the United States 🇺🇸

Starting to realize that cults have always been running the show

I’m talking about you Sharon Stone

People pay celebrities on the back but their kids are in rehab talking about how they were atrocious parents

Do yall have a dream world? Like I go back to the same place every time I dream. Same buildings. Same streets

Silverfish are terrifying

Vaping is like…cigarettes with WiFi

Drew Barrymore either has never read a social cue in her life or she doesn’t care that she makes people feel profoundly uncomfortable

Bro Did they find Nancy yet?

I’m not meant to network

Rolling my eyes so hard those bitches are half way down the street

The male ability to talk to themselves it’s just absolutely amazing

Broooooo

Do not show RFK Jr in the stands at the soccer match. People are eating.

Happy Juneteenth, frens!

You know they’re talking shit amongst themselves

We are having Mac and cheese today as part of our Juneteenth celebration. The “baked version was introduced to America by James Hemings, an enslaved chef trained in France who cooked for Thomas Jefferson” Always celebrate what our enslaved ancestors brought to the culture of America.

This is the funniest angle omg But fr. Mama hanging from the light was clearly athletic. After sexually assaulting the lady, and the woman didn’t fall, yt lady should’ve got to running It was obvious what was gonna happen after she got on her feet

Take every win, people. Every win is a good win

has anyone lived the dream more than this guy?

The woman who voiced Lilo from Lilo & Stitch passed away Her bf started a gofundme when she was still in the hospital and it only raised $3k Dude, this timeline is sad af

I think I just realized the why did the chicken cross the road pun To get to the other side As in death I always took it aggressively literal

iMessage now has a spam folder

I don't want to hear about white people who don't shower or wash their legs and feet. No more.

Disappointed but not surprised

don’t fumble the queen

Truly considering getting a digital camera and a flip phone

And another thing I will be holding a grudge

???

Fuck home video game consoles that cost a thousand dollars and have teraflops of gigashits. I hope they never make another one. Make more Gameboys, god damn it. MAKE GAMEBOYS AGAIN. I want $200 handheld gaming devices for cute little cheap games that will nonetheless change your life.

That video of JD Vance getting yanked out of his chair by secret service brings me so much joy

My grandma is taking her car to get fixed by her ex-husband, whom she divorced when I was in the 7th grade My grandma has like four ex-husbands and they all love her

Just to be clear just cause the Knicks won after 53 years doesn’t mean the cowboys gonna win the superbowl. I’m ending even the whispers of that narrative before we get to football season.

Ain’t nothing like having a whisper argument at a restaurant and then you gotta shut it off and smile politely when the server pops up out of nowhere

There's nothing quite like that feeling when you discover a new song and you know right away you're gonna listen to that shit on repeat until you throw up

If you’re chronically late, it’s not cute and quirky, you’re rude and inconsiderate

Bro I hate waiting I’m a pretty emotionally regulated person but why the FUCK aren’t you on time Holy shit

Banning kids under 16 from social media is a terrible idea. First of all, it doesn’t work. Second of all, the idea is that you’re going to introduce all of social media to someone at age 16 and expect that to go well

Unfortunately I’m one of 15 people who actually could name 5 BIA songs, gun to my head