If we’re splitting the bill and I see that you’re a 10% tipper, I’m forced to become a 30% tipper who isn’t going to go to a restaurant with you again 💕

PSA for employers in 2025: Don’t Mind The Gap If the candidate has background experience that qualifies them for the role and their interview ticks the boxes of who you want in this position, the fact that they didn’t work for 8 months 5 years ago is equal parts irrelevant and none of ur business

We’re sharing a teacher’s wishlist every week during back to school season - today’s list is from a special education teacher in New Jersey who could use some support in building her classroom to best support her students and their unique needs this school year.

If the magic school bus could drive around my brain and figure out where all the serotonin went that would be greaaaaat

We’re sharing a teacher’s wishlist every week leading up to back to school. This week’s teacher, Mrs. Diaz, is a first year special education teacher who needs help creating an engaging and calming classroom for her students. If you’re able, please consider picking up an item or two from her list!

I need to be home by 7 so I can sit in my chair for two hours before hopping into bed promptly at 9 pm where I will spend the next five hours looking at the same three apps on my phone and thinking about how I really should be sleeping, I’m sure you understand ❤️

We’re sharing a teacher’s wishlist every week leading up to back to school - here’s the list from this week’s teacher, Amber, who is a preschool teacher in a title one district serving kids from local homeless shelters. If you’re able, please help us clear her list!

I’m a fun combination of really wanting the attention until I get the attention and then turning into a sweaty trembling puddle because I simply do not know what to do with the attention I previously thought I wanted?

Millennials love saying that something lives rent free in their head as if it is a bad thing but really just the concept of not having to pay anything for rent is frankly quite titillating so we just keep saying it to keep the vibes right despite everything being an absolute fkn nightmare lolz

We’re sharing a teacher’s wishlist every week leading up to back to school - this week’s teacher works at a socioeconomically disadvantaged high school in a predominantly immigrant community. If you’re able to pick up an item or two off her list, please help us clear it!

If you tell me your job title and I don’t immediately understand what it is you do for a living, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re intentionally being vague and that you’re probably a spy.

“You’re not doom scrolling, you’re hopequesting. You need those tiny pieces of joy from seeing friends and strangers share their art, their good news, their wacky unique selves. We need light to live. And we find it in each other.” - @aaroncorwin.bsky.social

Need a job so I can afford health insurance. Can’t go to the doctor because the doctor’s working hours are the exact same as mine. #bless

“No THANK YOU. No THANK YOU. No THANK YOU” 7 year old me would chant on repeat, fully prepared to turn down any drug dealer whose business strategy focused on giving out drugs for free to children in grocery store parking lots as my DARE officer had described—

'Hello human, nice to meet you'

The grow up and swing to the right trope has happened to me in approximately ZERO instances apart from my interpretation of the characters in the hit musical Rent. These people are disasters.

Used to be you could stir-fry rice and it would go all over the stove because the sides of the pan were too shallow. Can't anymore. Because of wok.

MEGA: Make Empathy Great Again

I aspire to be a modern day Johnny Appleseed except instead of planting trees it’s just me handing out earphones to people who think it is okay to watch videos on their phones at max volume in public spaces 💕

If you build it (sandwich with chips in it) they will come (friends who have pools)

“You still got it” I whisper to myself as I pop a tum before ordering my half caf dirty chai with oat milk because caffeine after 10 am destroys my sleep and dairy hurts my tummy

Happy Met Gala Monday to those who celebrate, and to those who don’t? It’s always “why are we celebrating an event where a single ticket costs $50K in a country where a person working full time on federal minimum wage earns just over $15K a year?! I can’t afford to go to the dentist lolz!”

It was the rofl of times, it was the wtf of times, it was the age of lolz, it was the age of omgggg stfu, it was the *epoch* of g2g brb ttyl.

“How’s the fam?” I ask my very close friend, hoping the use of “fam” will come across as casual and not just an attempt to hide the fact that I can’t remember the names of her husband or children

I MUST resist the urge to rage post about my delayed Delta flight. Who wants to hear this? Literally nobody. Nobody wants to know that my Albany to Detroit flight is delayed OR hear me whining about how the Albany airport has no working WiFi and no lounges. So I won’t post. Because I’m a grownup 💅

PSA: Adjusting for climate change, the perfect date is now April 3rd.

As you step outside and approve of the temperature- neither too hot nor too cold- you may think you’re good to go without any jacket at all. STOP. The risk of catching a slight chill in the PM hours is very present. I highly suggest taking a light jacket with you. You know how I worry.

The fact that you hope this email finds me at all is frankly pretty offensive. Wow.

I can’t relate to Goldilocks because porridge has a pukey consistency that I simply have never been able to get into and could never find to be “just right” no matter the temperature

White Lotus: Men will go all the way to Thailand to track down the guy who killed their dad but will not go to therapy. Or they will show up when the therapist has another appointment and demand to be seen! Ugh

The abuser’s classic playbook is to isolate you from your friends, create a sense of helplessness, make it difficult to connect with others and force you to simply think about your survival from one day to the next. We are seeing that playbook applied to the nation as a whole.

*camera cuts to me crying at the grocery store because the sensory overload combined with the risk of running into a neighbor with whom I will be forced to engage in small talk is all just too much to handle*

Holding out hope that on Tuesday we're going to find out that the past few months have all been one elaborate April Fools Day bit and that everything is going back to normal???

My dog at night: *zoomies* Me at night: *gloomies*

*makes the grownup decision to NOT order a delivery burrito as I have food at home* *blown away but the maturity I just displayed by making such a decision, I decide to treat myself to a delivery burrito as a little reward*

My parents thought turning up an hour early to see Bernie and AOC in Denver yesterday would be enough time for them to get decent spots near the stage. They thought wrong 🙌🙌

The Sims gave me completely unrealistic homeownership expectations. ROSEBUD;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!;!

Watching people walk up to the pickup counter and put their fingers all over every single lid as they look to see if it is their drink is excellent motivation to never order a drink via the Starbucks app.

I think my FAVORITE shape is a rhombus but by far the most relatable is the downward spiral

Gaitok is a total sweetheart who absoLUTEly deserves to be fired.

Just learning you can find out how your uber drivers have rated you- account> settings > privacy > Would you like to see a summary of how you use Uber? (Click See Summary) > View My Ratings

I’d most likely be totally safe staying at a White Lotus. I go to bed super early and don’t really interact with strangers, you see.

I am a morning person. I am an eat dinner at 4 pm so I can enjoy a bowl of cereal at 7 and be in bed by 8 person. I’m a wake up at 5:30 by choice and drink coffee in the dark by myself in silence while recognizing that this is the most blissful part of my day person.

I commute an hour each way because the office culture of an open floor plan where I have to wear noise canceling headphones to even attempt to get any work done makes me feel alive 💕

Happy holidays to those who celebrate 💕 #iykyk

My favorite part about having a driver’s license is the part where they make it expire on your birthday 💕 Awwww you shouldn’t have 🥹🥰

One of my biggest delights is answering scam likely calls and aggressively meowing at the likely scammer. Recently I got a call and the man announced that he was calling from the IRS and that I would be arrested but that if I felt this was a mistake I should give my SSN. “Meow,” I replied. (⬇️)

There's a #LunarEclipse tonight! If you're in the dark region here, and if you have a view of the Moon at the right time, you'll see the eclipse. Check www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/luna... for more info and timings for the eclipse in your location. (Here on the East Coast, totality peaks around 3am.)

Did doctors stop using that little hammer on your knees for everyone or does my insurance just not cover that???

Talk on the phone? Absolutely not. Conversations in 2025 simply aren’t for me. I prefer to communicate via a lengthy series of minute long voice notes sent back and forth indefinitely.