okay for this next joke, you have to imagine that I'm Inspector Gadget doing hack comedy in the 90s: "I just drove in from Albuquerque and boy are my arms tires" ok thank you.

Weird coincidence, but my improv duo with @erikostrom.bsky.social is also performing at @improvagogo.bsky.social this Sunday!

do you ever unlike a post after you look at who else liked it and realize you dont want to be associated with all that?

Just saw Black Swan (2009) again, this time in IMAX. I love this movie so goddamn much and I'm going to be looking for any opportunity to bring it up for probably next week.

FUCK. JACOB. FREY.

WHY ARE THERE PAYWALLS ON JOB BOARDS JUST FUCKING HIRE ME OR I WILL LITERALLY BLOW UP THE SUN

I am incredibly honored to be the DFL endorsed candidate for Minneapolis Mayor. This endorsement is a message that Minneapolis residents are done with broken promises, vetoes, and politics as usual. It’s a mandate to build a city that works for all of us. fatehformayor.com/donate

GO HOME JACOB, GO HOME!!!!!

queerness, as a liberatory politics and not just another vague personal label, must involve thinking, speaking, and acting against ICE, against the police, against the carceral + imperial state and its networks across the globe, against the violence of borders. happy pride!

Happy Pride! Can't wait to find out what fresh hell is in store for us!

Just saw Friendship (2025). It is a horror movie masquerading as a comedy. It's very funny and nothing scary happens, and yet I watched most of it through my fingers. Highly recommend to people who can tolerate that sort of thing.

If there are any mixologists out there looking for free bad ideas, a shot of Tullamore DEW followed soon after by a single The Good Crisp original flavored chip tastes *exactly* the same way a 90s smoker-friendly McDonald's would smell

I, too, am endorsing Omar Fateh for Mayor of Minneapolis!

my current retirement plan is to become accustomed to austerity

okay, tomorrow, let's all talk about how woke and gay daylight savings time is, and maybe we'll get an EO dismantling it finally

You can't spell Demi Moore without DEI

when you feel like trash but you see a funny meme

people say I'm jealous but my kink is CreditKarma

Shop local. Buy nothing. Papa John's.

if I started dating a guy named David, and if he happened to work at the Jell-O factory, our couple name could be Michael and Jell-O's David

of course my favorite poem about the Super Bowl is actually about mortality and the absurdity of being alive

I have twice today seen people whomst I very much respect write the phrase "boost moral" instead of "boost morale" and I'm telling you, if it has happened a third time before I had the chance to fact check the correct spelling I would have adopted it into my vernacular, no question.

the rumors are true. I've aged.

While looking through old photos, my mom offhandedly mentioned that everyone on her side of the family is either a Long Face or a Round Face, and now she pointed it out to me, I can't unsee it.

Just wanna say, I'm not a fan of the current events, and I would prefer it if they'd stop

(⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠) Uh oh! (⁠ʘ_ʘ⁠✿⁠) The Terror™ is starting to set in!

Dang, I was actually really excited to see The Brutalist, but frankly? Fuck any movie that uses generative AI.

Just realized you can't save drafts on this app, which is likely why I don't use this app as often as I like, because I have never written a good first draft ever in my entire life.

not gonna lie, eight (8) people following me in one day did give me old school notification dopamine. Finally starting to like this app!

happy birthday, first person born in the new millennium! Enjoy this last year of your parents insurance!

Spotify wrapped isn't reflective of the music you actually hear the most. If it was, my number one song would be "Still Havent Found What I'm Looking For" because the kitchen manager at my job only listens to U2 on Pandora.

my growing collection of GAY graffiti, feel free to send me more

I quit Twitter years ago, but my brain still thinks in ≈140 character sentences. Excited to have a place to exacerbate that psychological quirk again!