Your 30s are mostly about convincing yourself any grey hair is just “really blonde”

It’s shorts season. Time to get surprised by ppl’s legs you never thought you’d see

It only cost me an 🎱 and 2 million dollars

Me every time I run outta Zyns

A bedroom has a bed, a bathroom has a bath. You live in a living room, and dine in a dining room. So why isn’t “kitchen” a cooking room?

I miss the days when all my friends were tryna NOT get pregnant

I don’t go to therapy cause I live in NYC where a public sob on the streets while blasting Love is a Battlefield heals you

Am I the only one who still listens to Mickey Avalon?

Mark S and Helly R

Happy National Lava Lamp Day for all those who celebrate

Happy new meme Friday, from me

Do I need a Lemon8 or na?

Women dating in their 30s are kinda like bowling balls, smooth with 3 holes but still somehow wind up in the gutter

I don’t get why ppl say “music is so graphic these days” I was bumping Candy Shop at 12 and turned out mostly okay

Ace Hood has me feeling slighted that I still have not woken up in a new Bugatti

They say date someone who knows you in every form so I guess my bodega guy is the one

They just called for a “Dom Cruise” over the airport speaker. Poor fuckin guy

The only thing longer than The Brutalist was the Oscars

Morgan Freeman tonight

Let’s trade in one orange man for another. Conan for President #oscars

Never thought I’d be out till 3am solely because I was swapping Severance theories with two gay men at the bar

Pocket-dialed my dentist for 7 mins. They now have at least a 6 min voicemail of me talking to my friend about my thoughts on one night stands. Anyone have good dental recs in NYC?

Had a dream that Timothée Chalamet and I started a hotel chain, and the one rule for every location was that there had to be a big ass waterfall behind the reception desk

I never noticed how much the lighting at discotheques and car washes have in common

Who am I really supposed to root for in this hockey game?

I’m trying to pay attention to this absolute blowout but I can’t stop thinking about Kendrick’s bell bottom jeans

Okayyyyy Uncle Samuel

My two main focuses today: Buffalo chicken dip and Kendrick Lamar

I wonder if open kitchen chefs in restaurants feel like fish in a tank

Is it just me or are earmuffs like really in this winter?

Severance’s latest episode description is just every episode: “Mark, Shelly, Irving, and Dylan search for answers” (I’m also searching)

The waiting room for hell looks an awful lot like the DMV

Shout-out to the girls who leave reviews with pictures. Unsung heroes

Airport bartender while Katy Perry is playing: “I’m not saying she can’t sing, I just think she’s not good enough to judge other singers” I love Nashville

Can’t wait to slam some bbq made by a one legged man

How do people carry traditions for years? I can barely keep a nighttime skin routine

Soo is like all our TikTok shit just goin to the cloud for a bit or

David Lynch on inspiration in diners.

My sleep schedule be messed up. My sarcasm rhythm or whatever the fuck is all outta sorts

Happy birthday Mr. President aka @troybond.bsky.social 🎂 Hope this made up for everything

Red note or Lemon8? (Three months ago this would make no sense)

Just had an amazing body cleanse at this place called Taco Bell

In mourning. IYKYK 💔

holding space for @slaterharrison.bsky.social today as its hodas last day. pray for our girl yo💯

Life hack: if you listen to reggae when you’re frozen outside it’s not as cold

This fortune cookie will forever haunt me

Need to talk to Dave & Buster about the whole no skee-ball thing

“Dry January” is the new “I have to get back to my dog” excuse