Got a little problem with me? See you in

I'm on holiday but I've just heard Friday's cracker of an episode. Every so often they pull out 13 minutes of brilliant dynamics and pace which feels like a 30 minute drama #TheArchers

A reminder that not everyone wants to have their own kids! Some of us are luring other people's offspring into confectionery-based cottages in woodland clearings to cook and eat them and that's just as valid

My local steam railway runs a service called the Sausage Shuttle

And congratulations to "Dom in Florence" who I suspect is the live blog journo seeing an opportune moment to practice comedy.

I think fucking not

Adam is a far better character when he's being a baddie. Like when he stole 5 grand and shagged a farm hand. More of this villain energy. #TheArchers

He's got DemENTIA, AliiiiiCE, let ME have the FAAARRRRRM #TheArchers

"Ooh I can eat a whole jar of pickles heeheehee, I call it horsegirl dinner, I'm kooky me" #TheArchers

His BEHAVIOUR has been sO BIZAAARRRE #TheArchers

NOW is the WINter of OUR disconTEEENT, said Adam, very convincingly #TheArchers

Adam pushes forward with his plan #TheArchers

I've had another I'M NOT HAVING IT moment at work, and I have to say I'm loving this running out of fucks thing.

There is no phrase in the English language more uplifting and exhilarating to hear than “can I just say something really bitchy?”

WELL, DUUUURRRR NNNNYUURGGHH www.theguardian.com/money/2026/m...

Had some reassuring news today and so now the anxiety splattergun has gone off all over everything. I've found all the worries I'd forgotten to worry about behind the sofa too.

Well I'd be throwing a royal tantrum because this is NUR SAHNE UND KEIN KUCHEN

Get that weasel back on the boat, he's forgotten his water wings!

The Laurels is Shady Pines from Golden Girls and I'm on Carol's side on this one. Even if she is being an auld witch about it #TheArchers

FFS, pass the cyanide creams #TheArchers

We moan about the young characters but my god the elders are way worse. Only Leonard is a beaut, and Jim who I dearly miss #TheArchers

Brad, get your First and MOVE TO A CITY, CHANGE YOUR NUMBER, GET OUT OF THERE #TheArchers

He's like a miserable parrot, repeating everything through a cantankerous filter #TheArchers

Effing old man Bert again, shudder #TheArchers

Evening all. What do you mean don't want to be involved in a new cheese?! #TheArchers

Middle aged post alert. The decline of the country can be seen in M&S labelling their socks Viscose Rich as if that's a desirable thing.

The reason I could never be a therapist. "Dear reader, your mother sounds like a right old bag." www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Phew #Eurovision

I am anti Yanks voting in #Eurovision, fuck off. We've got enough problems with it as it is

Did they add a modesty wrap to the pink leopard print onesie in between numbers?! #Eurovision

I'm glad I'm not the only one mixing up #TheArchers and #Eurovision hashtags due to overwrought tiredness and wine

Bulgaria for me #Eurovision

My viewing companion has nominated Ya Ya Ya the winner for the lyrics. "Just like Boom Bang A Bang and Rinky Winky Woo" #Eurovision

I have severe leather dungaree envy #Eurovision

The boot polish isn't convincing anyone, Signor. #Eurovision

Italian disco in a tailor's shop setting via Barry Manilow #Eurovision

HE'S ESCAPED THE INFLATABLE SUIT AND IS ON THE LOOSE #Eurovision

Copernicus, Chopin, Pope John Paul II, your boys took one hell of a beating #Eurovision

#Eurovision loves a violin. Liking that

I'm assuming Ms Swarovski hasn't changed cozzie because she's glued into it #Eurovision

I might be in love with Mademoiselle France but that's their fiendish trick #Eurovision

Oh god this is dire, we are so bad at this #Eurovision

There's always a witchy one recently. Are witches on the rise in Europe? King James I wants to know #Eurovision

Bulgarian banger. Yes. I'll take it #Eurovision

I'm not convinced this is a gentleman that finds ladies bella... Unless Emberg #Eurovision

Malta's male camel toe could be the winner here #Eurovision

Cheer up, love. #Eurovision #Serbia

I'm always here for the mad Greek ones dressed as a tiger in a computer game #Eurovision

The first few songs seem fine and then you enter a protracted ghastly middle, until it finally gets exciting in the last 5. #Eurovision

Quite a lot of bums so far, very nice #Eurovision