Tempting buns?! Curtain swatches?! Nurse! The ice bath! #TheArchers

And now Miranda with her fruity voice, and Rory the gigolo! My sal volatile, Hill! Have they no respect for my poor nerves?! #TheArchers

Eddie, brr, the bucket of cold water the village needed #TheArchers

Evening shaggers, I've caught up on last week and I've torn my starched nightgown collar to shreds in shock at the sheer amount of FLAGRANT RUMPETUS PUMPETUS on display. The petition to the Lord Chamberlain is with the penny post. #TheArchers

This one goes out to all the Dubai splitters, get in that shopping mall and have a choccy youtu.be/frAEmhqdLFs?...

Come, friendly Godzilla

What a fun night at the big queer takeover of Queen's House in Greenwich tonight. With the legendary David Hoyle, a danger, a menace, a pro.

In this new era of English Sectarian Politics Apparently, which sect are you in? I'm the one where you hit each other with frying pans and go gahdooiiiiinnnng

I'm not a Green voter but the clarity of "working hard should get you a nice life" is a relief to hear out loud. And reflects everything everyone I know says all the time.

Well ultimately we've learned that just the right pink blouse with a very chic shade of green dress looks fabulous. More as we have it.

You should be able to go on BBC iPlayer and everything the BBC have ever made is on there. You know it, I know it.

Somehow a light sandwich lunch has fuelled 15km of walking and a 2km swim this evening. I was knackered when I got up this morning. Bodies are baffling.

Yeah, I've done my bit for the cause

Good morning to this wee felly

Bored of getting up for work and being skint tbh

Fool's Spring is helpful and I for one welcome our UK temporary fire-sphere overlord.

I've had maximum 3 wees today. This year of the fire horse is really dehydrating me, man.

Stress has got right into my body this week and it's being very stubborn about leaving

I've burned my hand on a hot water bottle. I'm a big klutz

You can't ruin Borsetshire Boke, it's more of a bin cheese #TheArchers

Stupidest village in the country. #TheArchers

Does Soosan have beef with Krusty? #TheArchers

Akram, you are a professional plumber, please please stop arseing about for a pittance to these ingrates! Because you're also not very good at it #TheArchers

The kind of day where only the soothing pap/annoying nonsense of #TheArchers will do

Just need to get through next two weeks with sanity intact. I feel unbalanced. I do not care for it.

Give us another one! Give us another one!

The Borchester Show, DOOMED?! #TheArchers

A freeski big air commentator just described "A SEA MONSTER OF A JUMP" and I might steal sea monster as a superlative.

Having a Winter Olympics catch-up day (I've missed it all). Mostly the figure skating, my favourite, but tips for which other sessions to watch welcome.

Looking forward to the World Cup www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

Why is Stella's brother giving advice to people he's only just met? Banter, is it. Mind you, good news about Josh leaving. Hope he has the same storyline as Johnny *tumbleweeds* #TheArchers

On various Friday evening trains after my swim, looking like tired death. But the OUTFITS out there are incredible. Well done, young London, you look amazing, mad, fabulous and you don't care, just as it should be.

I will listen to every hour of it

Andrew has been arrested because nobody likes him, at any level of society and establishment, and nobody is incentivized to protect him. Don't believe for one second this a demonstration of a moral quality inherent in our apparatus. He's facing the consequences of being an absolute c*nt

Really enjoying the montage of news reports announcing Andrew's arrest in different languages. It's Eurovision coming to you from the beautiful city of Schadenfreude.

I volunteer to row the boat to Traitor's Gate

Good

FANCY!

Apparently I'm having my Friday 13th today

I've not had any pancakes but I did go to a new pub theatre and see a hot woman read out James Joyce's filth letters, so I win

Late but caught up. What do we think of Stella's brother? He sounded like he wanted to evacuate her to civilisation. #TheArchers

I'm so old, a bad night's sleep totally fucks me up in a fully systemic way these days. Digestion, screwed. Balance, gone. Mood, foul. Hormones, vile.

Can't be doing with it today

douglas adams was our most accurate futurist

Two episodes in to Small Prophets, and I absolutely cannot guess what this show is or isn't, and that's just marvellous. The gentle wyrd hasn't made it onto the telly since the 70s, I'm delighted.

I'm so pleased @paulclarke.com uses his skills for evil

AHAHAHAAAA

Badgers 😭 They share mushrooms and fight the snakes together for life 😭

There's a time in one's life when a DryRobe starts to seem like a very attractive garment.