I found a tiny handful of seeds in a package of trader joe’s parsley; a tender reminder of life amidst the microplastics

i just can’t get over ICE going into the streets of the city i live in, throwing gas at citizens, invading people who live here. this is state sponsored terrorism being enacted on americans

didn’t think they’d jump the shark this hard on the season finale of america

code switching to zoomer

happy mean girls day to all who observe

*Jeremih voice* there’s no oui’d without getting high

found what you drink

pressing the walk signal button feels like a cuckhold’s gagged protest when you’re up against six lanes of speeding suvs

about to frogger the shit out of this six-lane highway to get to a strip mall applebee’s everyone pray for me

anyone can undress you with their eyes—have you ever uhauled with your eyes?

god I love exchanging a knowing, sapphic smile with a fellow carabiner wearer as we pass each other on the street

trans bodies are sacred. they hold the holy possibility of the universe and are far more ancient and true than the modern conception of the gender binary. but the so-called religious right is too scared to confront the true ambiguity of the divine so they seek to imprison it in a neat little god box

ritualizing my skincare routine by applying dabs of my bb cream in the sign of the cross

my dreams were crazy. I should not have eaten all that pussy before bed

i've subscribed to: rolling stone WIRED 404 media defector the handbasket chicago journalism i subscribed to: unraveled block club it's time to support media directly so they don't fall into the hands of fascists, the replies to this post have additional great news media i recommend supporting

gamifying my evening walk by only crossing when I have the light and turning if I don’t. just to feel something

*Bernie Sanders serving you a new soup recipe he hasn’t quite perfected yet* HOW IS IT

dems are already set up to shoot themselves in the dick again in 2028. I can’t watch. it’s like a car crash in slow motion

bev check

I feel like so much of etiquette is just wealthy WASPs coming up with social justifications for their ocd compulsions

jerry seinfeld is by far the least funny part of seinfeld

I make her go wahh on it call me WLWigi

the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is with a line of schoolchildren

more like charlie murk

muting the word “irony”

obviously I Do Not Condone Violence but who are we to deny Charlie Kirk his free american right to die by pewpew

I’m bisexual (use both “you” and “u” in the same text)

this joke flopped cos I should’ve said coca cola smh

can’t stand a “that’s just the way things are” ass bitch… what if they weren’t…

my subconscious is funnier than I am.. hate that bitch

confidence does not equal arrogance!!!! true confidence comes when you dissolve your ego!!!!!!!!

they know what they did

I dreamt up basically an entire episode for a new Riverdale-esque teen dramedy prequel called Drake v. Josh before they become buds. Drake is the insecure lonely stoner and Josh is the fun silly AV nerd not concerned with being cool. is anyone here a tv writer I can pitch this to

should’ve known my chemex was a little freak from that collar around its slutty neck

making my shopping list and realized the word Chemex is dangerously close to chemsex

it’s so nice out. time to spend $8-100 about it

why do they call it a ho phase and not a thot experiment

Let’s all get a low hum started

you tellin me this band is camp??

found out my old prescription dandruff shampoo was made in isntreal so it’s just been flake o’clock ever since. kind of feels like the lefty version of shooting a pack of bud light with a gun but it is a small sacrifice I can make

dump him NOW

Look at us, world we're starving in Gaza. Your support our only hope for survival. Prices are insane, and we can't afford anything without your help. My family hasn't received any aid; we buy at sky-high prices We still desperately need you Stand with us please🙏🏻👇 chuffed.org/project/anas...

stealing from whole foods is praxis actually

I had a dream a bunch of people stormed the caucasian house and ousted him and not in a jan 6th way, in a cool and chill way. it was a giant party with hot pretzels and impeach-mint cocktails and everyone was happy except him

Life is still heavy… prices of fruit, meat, even simple things are more than I can afford. All I wish is to give my children the basics without worrying how to pay for it. Please help me to provide for my family...Share or donate if you can.❤️

Saeb sent me many photos of him and his cat Simba

Too bad that our legal and institutional safeguards only work to prevent good policies. It would be cool if they also stopped the evil stuff

was going to quote this with some “when your girl sees me” shit but this is genuinely moving now I’m just crying