(checking out sweatpants) Urban Outfitters employee: Just a heads up... those are for guys with DICK. Not guys with peepee. Me: My mistake 😅 German friend who is visiting: Vat about guy vist Schlong? Employee: Let me check with my manager,

The hallmark of a great classic era Simpsons joke is when it's clearly supposed to be at someone's expense but they don't really specify who or for what reason

I'm ok

Well it's bandcamp Friday I have a new kind of side project kevinsshield.bandcamp.com

If I was a medical professional and i was on-call i would tell people I was an "on-call-ogist" and act confused when they started talking about cancer

First as broccoli then as farts

Picture this. The simpsons Bort sequence but with hamlet /hamnet. You would get the bluesky uncs hornt tf UP "ooooh well played sir" it's nothing to me

south korea's whole ethos is that they have freedom unlike their godless communist neighbors and then they release 5 movies a year about how being a salaryman is worse than chattel slavery

hi! tomorrow (February 1 2026) at 12 PM PT / 3 PM ET i’m going to be doing a DJ set online for the yet to launch neo-detritus Radio. no idea what songs i’m spinning or how long, going off the cuff to see what happens. ragnarok. tune in at neodetrit.us/radio/ starting at 11 AM PT! see you there :-)

The way My hungry ass thought this was mecca

It's not too late man you've got your whole life ahead of you! Well, mostly the parts where you continue along the trajectory you've already cemented for yourself while the world slowly moves past you. But that's still a fun time

What are you talking of bout

Oh hey your band's set was great. Although you personally do seem to be holding the rest of them back

patient: but doctor.. i AM pagliacci pagliacci (pretending to be a doctor to drum up business): you can just say you don't want to go to the show

Bandcamp bans AI music

my new thing is i export all my mixes as 320kbps mp3s and then i run those through the mastering rack and export them as 320kbps mp3s again

It's always tough to see someone much younger outperform you at your craft. Some of my employees are like 8 years old and they're already better than I'll ever be at sewing large quantities of inexpensive garments

Bleace bleace bleace let me get what I want -the Smith

Having sex is naive

Looked up what Rob Thomas has been up to - he's been a naughty boy

pronouncing "lady gaga" with the emphasis on the last syllable

That's damn as hell !!!!

Breaking Bad should have been called Making Meth instead

came across a paper by someone with the last name Rissler

(cheerfully clocking in for my first shift as the prince's whipping boy) alright boss who we whippin first

A lot of music producers claim to have a "secret weapon in the studio" but I think the only person who could really say that was phil spector

Houston: Hey Armstrong.. [snickering] what's 375218954×466539? Neil Armstrong: [holding back tears] I TOLD you guys I don't KNOW!!!

Apples to apples dust to dust

A lot of elementary school teachers like to say they're the "real life Ms Frizzle" ok.....and you take the kids to, what, the museum 🤨

You: Garlic is the same model as Shallotpeat right? Me: [shaking my head and laughing] No.

horny uncle and Film Twitter nephew bonding at christmas dinner complaining about how movies don't have sex scenes and naked ass + nipples anymore

between generative AI and netflix cultural hegemony we're really heading into the Coworker Century

It's fun how charlie kirk's death was supposed to inspire the Total Frat Move junta but instead it pretty much immediately attained the status of a news headline that gets printed at a 30th high school reunion to be like My, What A Year That Was....

You come into MY fucking office asking me about some bullshit that's directly related to my work responsibilities

Can we hurry up with the AI bubble burst and associated global market crash I'm sick of seeing people's soy midjourney clipart

john: I've been working on a kind of kaleidoscopic psychedelic existential track but it feels like it's missing something paul: oh man that's actually perfect because I just came up with a verse about getting ready for work

Free sentence for anyone who didn't like the new sharp pins: Latter-day Lennons and McCartneys are, however, invited to consider that part of what made the Beatles so special in the first place was that each of their albums was a radical departure from the last. ■ --𝘈. 𝘎.

oooooooh shit man it looks like Geese did NOT make it into your top 5 on spotify even after all those posts you made! Damnnnn that sucks.. I might have to mention this to my friend Cameron W. when I see him next [we're very close in age] rough....

A dollar is very little money to a guy like me

[starting a new sci fi series and they drop some in-universe slang] oh fuck yeah. probably gonna learn what that means.

It's especially mind-boggling to think about what the Beach Boys accomplished in relation to the technology of the time. We take it for granted that you can Google "tropical places with 3 syllable names" but Mike Love had to actually look closely at probably several maps

I put out some bitch ass music this year go add that crap to your top 10 list

replaying disco elysium and getting reflexively agitated because every character portrait has at some point been used as a profile pic by someone I don't like

Just saw 2 pilots making small talk on the way to the gate thanks Nathan

I guess i can start posting on here again. I will be completely honest I hit the icon by accident trying to open facebook to browse marketplace

we're all familiar with the reddit moment but this may be the first real life Facebook moment

marty mcfly: I need to make sure my mom hooks up with my pervert father. To do this i will sexually assault her

2nd wave feminists: we are replacing the E in "women" with a Y 3rd wave feminists: i will do you one better. we will replace it with an X instead