Yes, this, please hire me!

Is it still shower makeup if you have no plans of showering tonight? Asking for a friend with a very bold lip who hasn't left the house at all except to refill the bird feeders in the backyard

ICYMI and were wondering where I'm at today, I woke up with some words on my heart and tried to get them out before my head caught up and stopped me

Men are exhausting Gender's performative Daniel Orlovsky Is never informative

Sorry Blue Jay, I don't think the cowbirds are fooled by your Cooper's Hawk impression, even though it's a very good one 💙

Fuck. Fine. Guess I'll get up and watch the birds over a bowl of cereal. 😮‍💨

This is a day of pitch black and leaden grey, of the longest night and impenetrable cloud cover. The hope of sun and warmth is a wan memory, the bitter cold and utter darkness stretching beyond an unseen horizon.

It's still Wednesday in my heart, but so here's an TBT to a wagon from last month's snowstorm 🩷✨

we're bringing back defenestration

Really glad I was busy trying to finish making a cake during the 4th quarter and OT, because otherwise that would've been extra fucking terrible

Dang, I really need to replenish my cache of pics for Wagon Wednesday... guess I should spend time stocking up tomorrow

The feminine urge to immediately stockpile the tights you're wearing after multiple compliments while out running errands, because while you ARE a princess, you ARE NOT dainty or graceful - and also you have two Pyrenees-mixes at home who love using their paws/claws to get your attention 💗💙

Oh right, it was book club night, and there are rules*, even if everything else sucks 🖤 *a visit to the bar next door to book club = selfie in their excellently decorated powder room

Ugly game on an ugly Tuesday, don't care still won, clinched share of the B1G title let's go〽️

The women's team is gonna have such a fucking great time, absolutely love that for them

If I'm Ellen Weinberg-Hughes I am out here plotting ways to knock the rest of my son's teeth out

I've been really struggling lately, and a not-insignificant factor is our health insurance straight-up does not cover gender-affirming care, and even if it did, there are zero surgeons within a 200 mile radius of here. It's utterly overwhelming and depressing to think about.

Absolutely the fuck not, lazy asset-recycling bullshit fucking universe NOT GONNA GET ME LIKE THAT

New Follower! Vibe: Suspected swollen taint. Verdict: Blocked!

Welp 🥹🥺😭

Crosby flying out of Milan today to continue on the 25th anniversary Black & Blue tour with AJ, Nick, Howey & Brian

Is now when I mention that my wife has an intense (and entirely rational) hatred of Brad Marchand, but it's because he reminds her of Izzy Hands?

Jack Hughes looking like the front man of a Decemberists cover band playing the Antrim County bar tour

Connor Hellebuyck looks like if Tom Cruise were really as big as he wants you to believe he is

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MY BREAKFAST YOU BEAUTIFUL HAUNTED BOYS

ALL MICHIGAN LINE LET'S GOOOOOOOO

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

Downside is a full stomach for Olympic gold medal overtime hockey, so that'll be fun

Me: a degenerate watching Olympic gold medal hockey in bed 🗑️ Kyle: wisely avoiding all of that & having a fucking morning of making eggs Benedict ✨

Mandate full shields/cages, imo

DON'T YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP, YOU GOT TO PUMP IT UP

Anyone else awake thinking about how a mere fraction of the resources dedicated now to just one of the unreality engines could probably give us meaningfully better weather & climate models, instead of making them unnecessary by zipping us along to the heat death endpoint? Or just me?

Fuck, it's that time again...

This fucking sucks, and I hope we get a chance to beat their fucking asses in Indy 6 weeks from now

HORSESHIT

Continue, please!

Ban coach timeouts within 2 minutes game time of a TV timeout. In fact, just ban timeouts

Time to do some shit, boys

They got to do the inverse! 5-0 when trailing at the half, let's go baby!

Uhhhh, huh. Sure, I guess.

Plz no Weird Guys lineups

Ball's haunted

Honestly, Duke is the worst of us and should have all the bad things happen to them

Bringing that manifesting energy with me today ✨👑

Skating exhibition gala is great, we should add a stick & puck shootaround for the hockey players and a beer pong tourney for the curlers, I want to see all the Olympians fucking around to close out the games

THAT'S MY DRAGON WARRIOR

Well, now I've fended off the nail biting by filing them to nothing, I'd fucking kill for a manicure

I am fully aware that the answer here is "marketing", btw. People are fucking rubes

Why do people have such garbage taste in alcohol? And tbc, I'm not talking about liking cheap beer, I mean the absolute trash full of sugar and fake flavors that still costs as much as something of actual quality. Just... why??

Can we cash this in for conservation of vibes around, say, 6:30-8:30pm ET?