went to a wedding last night where the maid of honor said “going to Japan is basically birthright for white millennials” in her toast

saw a sign for a realtor named Carol Influenza

just found a short story I wrote in 2012 about an archaeology professor who steals the antikythera for his university’s collection in order to study time travel so I would like to request a cut of Ms. Fleabag’s Dial of Destiny residuals

job hunting again and came across a cover letter I wrote as a baby, twelve years ago - it totally reads like contemporary llm speak. I almost want to attach this to my cover letters

I discovered some of my own lore this evening: apparently I’ve been known as “black glasses girl” to the whole staff of my neighborhood pizza bar because one of the guys in the kitchen was obsessed with me before getting married and moving away. the bartender and I sent him a selfie together

(belle and sebastian voice) barack hussein obama, are you straight or are you gay

love to be in a sold-out movie screening on a weekday in the heart of downtown seattle! love to get to actually stand in line for popcorn around other people my age - it’s exciting there’s enough of us to form a line! the city is bright and beautiful no matter what komo news says

I know this person probably gets off on me saying this but oh boy this was a weird one to see. good account to check out if you want to see someone talk about eating dog meat constantly

is there a better feeling than seeing a podcaster give a positive rating to a film you love on letterboxd? oh no I don’t really have a specific purpose in life right now, why do you ask

each citizen should be randomly assigned a small portfolio of wikipedia pages to maintain

feeling emotional about an 8,000 year old cave painting depicting a man walking a dog on a leash

hello and good morning to the bird who lives outside my window but my love it’s 4:12am it’s not time for you yet

I’ll eat a piece of cheese loosey goosey no problem

a clearly heartbroken person has been parked outside my apartment blasting sad 70s folk music for the last hour and just abruptly switched to drake

I have a disease where I like to save images to my phone

🚨REAL🚨Discovered something so incredibly dangerous to me personally, which is that every food item on the grocery store app has reviews

who up contemplating the lost potential of their future

I love my sports team

being an eating disorder girlie means the world is a PvP enabled zone. today a woman cited her waist size at me and then said “do you need a sip of your milk?” as she pointed at my protein shake

bro imagine living in a neighborhood that doesn’t have a year-round farming market. imagine having to wait for opening day. losers!

Mice never been chill! (it autocorrected from “I’ve” but I’m practicing being chill)

the Afternooner’s Delight is when I get 3 outfit compliments from strangers when I’ve left my house to talk to humans for the first time all day. the Afternooner’s Despair is realizing one compliment came from a GreenPeace volunteer and therefore was not offered in truth

mini starbursts are so insanely good when you want to chew on handfuls of plastic or pencil erasers and I probably spend $20/week on them

turns out crying and sleeping in are very good for my skin

my high school ex just asked if my current partner plans on marrying me and said “I can hop on a zoom call with him if that’s easier”

I coulda been a biblical female hero. I’ve experienced enough plagues

just realized my cat has never met a child. she doesn’t even know we come in different sizes

and as for me and my house, we serve the starburst jellybeans

People are just insane now of days

it’s a shame that being from a place numbs you to its beauty because I’m a thirty minute walk to an incredible shoreline and close to tulip fields that stretch to the horizons but mostly I just look at Bus and Screen

can anyone recommend me more movies about honor amongst men

last night we watched Excalibur, and when my partner called something a jerkin I said “I hate to condescend, but it’s not a jerkin” and he said “oh yeah? well what is it called? it’s a gambeson. stick to your animals” which is extremely fair and does appropriately honor my animal knowing

simply Too Eager to talk about the breakup of the Bell Corporation

psychiatrist gave a full-bellied laugh when I said I was reading about Linnaeus and taxonomy right now. don’t know what that means

folks let’s be honest: did the audubon society volunteers think I was a basic bitch when I said a peregrine falcon was my favorite bird. I immediately corrected myself and said american kestrel but I could see in their eyes the damage was already done

making some strange little digital collages lately

seen on the street lately

tenrecs are so crazy… little spiky guys with cloacas that use echolocation and run around being little and spiky

beginning my life as a stay at home girlfriend today 🫶🩷

Signs and wonders, eh? Pity if there is nothing wonderful in signs, and significant in wonders!

new invention: hedonism hour. wake up in the middle of the night. eat an enormous portion of a savory snack and a tiny nibble of a sweet treat, consume some sort of mind-altering substance and then jerk yourself off a little. hedonism hour: it’s what’s for dinner

IT'S JUST AN ACCIDENT THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR PARENTS

new term alert: hay-baled, to be caught unawares in a folksy way, e.g. gruff man #1: did you hear Anna Paquin and Scarlet Johansson are opening a sake bar together in Omaha? gruff man #2, after slapping his knee and shooting a watermelon seed into a spittoon: well I’ll be hay-baled! try it out!

might start hosting lost generation-ass salons solely to give my friends the opportunity to hold court about topics they love. I rambled about the Megatherium Club to an entire dinner party tonight and someone else spoke about a foucauldian perspective on mermaid mythology. Friend College

pleased to announce I will now be learning about animals all day (I lost my job) did you know there are old world and new world porcupines? did you know four different families of animals separately evolved to have hollow spiked fur and there’s no shared ancestor? now we both do

not to hose post but my new conditioner literally smells exactly like when you turn on a lawn sprinkler after it’s been laying in the sun on a hot day

there’s been an empty restaurant at the end of my block for eight years, and for a while before then it was a combo pho / thai restaurant, but before that it was a taco bell, and that dumbass who put that squidward statue in the mediterranean threw a funeral for the taco bell this weekend

Related 15th anniversary

oh pardon my appetite, I’m eating for two (my current self and my healthy happy future self)