(text from unknown number) hello i am los angeles dodger man yoshinobu yamamoto. my arm has fallen off because i pitched too much and i am unemployed during the off season without health insurance. please send $50 gift card so that i can go to hospital thank you

b a s e b a l

pick a fight with your relatives now folks. what are they gonna do,

the worst part about trying to draw slashfic about the characters available is that no matter how old you code them as, it’s always 😎 statutory

the nyt has managed to invent the ultimate question of capitalism, “are women professional managerial class”, seemingly from first principles

i don’t know how seriously i think this but i kind of think we need a law called “civil, non-criminal, sexual misconduct” where we write down behaviors that we collectively think are rude but don’t involve the cops

Simmons: it's worse than that Simmons: they're going to force us all to worship a big statue of greta thunberg! Barker: now dan you're just being paranoid Barker: you know that the guiding light of islam doesn't permit graven images Simmons: Simmons: what Barker: oh you didn't hear? we're muslim now

Poet, musician, and software engineer nori li, here as @nori.gay, has died. She was phenomenally talented and dearly loved 💜 🏳️‍⚧️ 💜

happy employee discount activation day to all who celebrate (me)

french and english officers used to dine together before sending their peasants to fight each other the next day … sir

it’s not even centered on the paper

what is a hero sandwich. is that americans fucking yup what a gyro is or somethin

what is HAPPENING

i’ve decided to stop having hairline anxiety

one out of every fifteen new yorkers voted WFP that means one out of every fifteen policies Mayor Zohran signs has to be fully communist

good morning specifically to the FBI agent who introduced Mamdani’s dad to Marx

sure they can. it costs several billion dollars though

i believe it’s pronounced “bluenami”

spend all year fucking with federal employees, see what happens to The State Exclusively Populated By Federal Employees

+14 with men? only? are they fucking BLIND?

like happens every single time, even if the third party candidate (andrew cuomo) hadn’t been in the race and every single one of his voters went to the losing main party candidate (curtis sliwa), the outcome would have been exactly the same

live me reaction

struggling to pronounce the name of the new mayor of New York? please enjoy this helpful guide

i will dm any of you my mailing address and $5. i do not care. i need this hitting my stoop FRIDAY

there is no god but god

dick cheney: “i’ll die before i see a socialist america” the monkey with the lathe of heaven: 🐵🖕

> move out of michigan > they elect a milf governor > move out of albuquerque > they elect a milf governor > move out of arlington > they elect a milf governor francesca hong, i will relocate to minneapolis for, like, a hundy thousand

jay jones has a winning message for 2026: [REMOVED FOR VIOLATION OF TOS]

“kids and their dad” if he was your husband i feel like you’d call him that…?

i can’t believe a good thing happened we should do this more often

Abigail Spanberger WINS!

permission to lib out, sir GENTLEMEN POST AT WILL

ahh yeah here he comes, big dersh, alan dershowitz himself, looks like he brought a bag lunch, smart

Looks like the Dems will pick up 12 seats in the VA House of Delegates, which will go from 51-49 to 63-37 D-R. That's an honestly shocking result.

that bar's not gonna fill itself we can go further, but what if: fill bar now teamfeed.feedingamerica.org/teams/7634

Come home with your lanyard or upon it

the spirits of all the union soldiers in arlington are restless. and brother i can hear them sing

if any of my mutuals had MLB options i think i would know about it

I cannot

i choose to believe zohran pulled the lever for sliwa. “i want him to have a little walkin around votes”

i don’t personally make dishwashers but my company does and we get to learn about em watch the @techconnectify.bsky.social video and put it in the dishwasher. the only things you have to wash by hand are temperature sensitive or intolerant of abrasives and sometimes not even those

texts from kanye west:

self harming by listening to gracie abrams sing “that’s so true” live and trying to follow along on the high belt

michigan is considered endemic for mmr. if you have family in michigan and plan on visiting for thanksgiving, you are recommended to receive an update mmr dose as prophylaxis

> let’s call her aloof > and post picture #2 to go with it these people need to be beaten with a thesaurus

this would be literally the first time in trump’s entire 80 year old life he has ever tried this as a concept so i want you to really sit and think as hard as you can: your assertion is that donald trump is capable of feeling fear and decided to act on it strategically?

you mean to tell me if i learned to figure skate i’d get to hang out with beautiful women and have a gigantic ass