Buying “Mediterranean” flavored hummus is like buying American cheese and the flavor is “whiteness.”

I just said, “In which case, I’m equivocally vers.” to some Gen-Z trade on G-Harmony. I can’t hear the hate over the swish of my tracksuit and sketches on the mall carpet at 6am.

Got my attention.

Accurate.

The Chicago lakefront in summer is the horniest fucking place on the planet.

Try to show off my overalls. Pose like a Lego man.

The new face of a man who went to therapy today (I cut my hair)

and I even had the new-and-improved gown on, too!! was thinking of my fav prom date all night <3

This dog perfectly captures my vibe at work this month and I blame Arsenal for that (but also love Arsenal for that, don't stop now, one more) 🔴⚪

My homeland is leading the world right now.

Has anyone been Dora the Explorer for Snatch Game?

Why’s it so spicy? 🌶️☀️🔥

Happy unofficial start of summer, Chicago.

I want to see Morgan Freeman and Patrick Stewart play romantic lovers.

This gorgeous woman.

As a geriatric millennial, I have some insightful critiques on tonight’s All-Stars challenge. I have them. I will not share them.

Updated

I’m celebrating IML by wearing deodorant

This might sound corny considering everything we’ve been through the last 10 years, but the ending of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert really feels like America has died.

I have two nieces and a nephew I rarely talk to. But their doggos? They send me videos. Tito - Corgi Dolly - Schnauzer Rosco - Dachshund Uncle Bub - Me

I’m also hosting a zero-cost party at Meeting House 6/20 9-close if you want another Boots pregame option. Poster and information incoming. 🫶

You may have noticed I disappeared from social media after my launch of @beyondxandy.bsky.social I was violently attacked by a transphobe who recognized me and have been in the hospital and resting If you'd like to help me with my medical bills, please consider donating here: gofund.me/9328f91f2

The Goodman Theatre announced Wednesday that its 2026-27 season will include two shows that had smash Broadway runs: “American Idiot,” the musical created by the punk band Green Day, and “John Proctor Is the Villain.”

Practicing the essentials.

Truly wonder what it’s like to be God’s chosen.

I wouldn’t dare give out my number, but I don’t want anyone to miss out on how funny I am, so here’s another screenshot.

New bucket list. Who wants to make a Google map with me?

Are we all familiar with the story of Cachi the Poodle’s suicide murder spree?

if someone is having a panic attack try to upstage them

Told him I worked out my cuddle muscles today.

Wondering who’s gonna be the first to tweet or skeet about Mystique’s brain wrinkle facelift skull?

Cocktails and live music and handicap stalls.

2nd shift workers going home, small kids with parents, and people with impairments are all standing while Karen takes up 4 seats. This is the shit that gives me rage.

This is how you get pinkeye on the CTA at the walk-up fart-by window. Please pull up to the next window.

Love my mama. So glad I got my mustache from her.

I just got split by a Spanish Coke can at the Palmer, so I asked this badass Black Mississippian cowboy singing 2000s alt rock in the Tiffany Dome lobby to sing Iris by the GooGoo Dolls because I am currently bleeding just to know I’m alive.

What it’s like being my friend.

MILLION DOLLAR WINNER!!

Theater night with the non-cis sis. (the show was incredibly heavy and depressing, but we had an hour uber ride both ways to catch up).

For those of you who don’t understand the magnitude of this, Jordan is the sassy volleyball diva you’ve all been gagged by the last few weeks.

Talking shit.

OMG I JUST MET JORDAN LUCAS

Tripped over my dick. #freefeetpics

Whitney LaMora and Zoe Schor are building Chicago's first lesbian-owned hospitality group solely focused on creating queer gathering places. Their ambitions stretch beyond the city.

Jalapeño tzatziki and ham orzo pasta salad.

Proper branding is so important

Wishing Dolly a speedy recovery. The shits ain’t the tits.

Forgot to eat today after second sleep, so I had to buy a $20 smoothie at the gym to keep from blacking out.

Design trend that needs to die: Open clothes storage. Coat hooks, closets with no doors, shoe racks, and “cubby holes.” No open clothes storage ESPECIALLY in hotel rooms. I do not need that chaos when I’m trying to rest. Thank you for coming to my BED Talk.