Coworker: “How is your day going?” Tired: Good, and you? Hangin’ in there! Livin’ the dream At least it’s Friday So far so good Wired: One must imagine Sisyphus happy

It turns out that a helpful way to explain the exceptions to the hearsay rule is to use hypotheticals involving a swarm of angry bees

With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

The most gratifying thing about cooking from home for an extended period of time is looking at the frozen red snapper in your freezer, looking at all the miscellaneous ingredients in your pantry, and going “yeah, I can make this work”

I’m going to start calling my Steam wishlist my Wistful Listfull

“So in my High Seas D&D setting, dwarves are a dominant power. Those who have chosen a life at sea are considered eccentric by their mountain-dwelling kin, and derive their name from the effects of salt water on their beards.” “Awesome, what are they called?” “Coarse-hairs.” “…oh, fuck you.”

Jesus fucking Christ If you needed any evidence this administration was *uniquely incompetent,* here you go

Marketing people aren’t the devil but maybe they are like the hoards of malformed lemures that Charon rows his boat through

I never wanted this. I never wanted to tank or heal. Together, we could have had a Holy Priest and a Prot Paladin run mythic keys. But you all stole the dps slots from me, from my hunter main. Our guild has only one chance to prosper - if you will not seize it, then I guess I’ll fucking have to.

Someone was talking about tortoises on one of these fucking apps and I don’t know where else to put this

A game that’s just Slay the Princess, with its thousand endings and copious player character death scenes and more or less exact same conceit, but it’s Get Your Cat Out of the Tree

I want to clarify In a world where all the cool kids kept smoking cigarettes like it was the 90s or 2000s, *Trump would not have been elected*

As glad as I am that the MAGA coalition is collapsing in on itself I do have a terrible premonition on MAGA becoming the new “lost cause” mythology Republicans are going to say “well I supported Trump before he went crazy” and that’s going to be the resolution of the moral dissonance in their mind

the vibe shifted when everything changed from naming our software and services from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy to lord of the rings

I think the problem is we all stopped smoking cigarettes I think that’s what did it

I always react to the trump regrets people in the same way. The only reason they get moral is when they are personally impacted by the dicktator.

Ann Coulter blaming “legal experts” is pure deflection. Trump was breaking the law all through his first term, openly, repeatedly, proudly. Legal experts weren’t “crying wolf.” They were documenting the wolf in real time. The people who set him on this path? Enablers like her.👇

This is the truest truth of all the truths (and there aren't many).

The horse op-ed is an instant classic. I can't tell you how much joy this piece gives me. It should be taught in every introductory writing class in no small part because the horse arguments are so compelling. "I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children."

R/sciencememes is the most brain dead fucking subreddit on that fucking site, every day it’s some fucking SpongeBob meme about the most obvious fucking science fun facts blowing the minds of illiterate 13 year olds

Once I’m done DMing a campaign for my group and it’s the next DM’s turn in the rotation, I am an absolutely feral player for the next two or so sessions as the high of being a player—an agent of chaos, and not the mitigator thereof—sets in

Bones is interesting as a TV show in how purely it distills the ugliness of post-9/11 2000s American culture Like this episode just had a moment where it was like “haha those stupid actresses always having sex with producers in ‘definitely consensual’ encounters just to get roles! How wacky!”

thank god i found it again

I think D&D misses a huge opportunity not just having a whole ass monster manual that is real world animals except maybe bigger. Real animals have all kinds of crazy abilities and hunting strategies that would be way way way more interesting than the vast majority of statted D&D monsters.

Got seven Starfinder books for $12 at the Penny-a-Page sale - absolutely fucking robbed those people lmao

Can you imagine a modern day reboot of Bones where all of their space magic forensic technology is all just replaced by fucking ChatGPT or some shit

Vernacularisms going to be so crazy in the future. None of my kids are going to have any idea why I keep saying “cat can have little a salami, as a treat.” Fuck, my girlfriend has no idea why I keep saying “we managed to avoid drowning,” and we’re only two years and almost all hobbies apart.

I don’t have the heart to tell my girlfriend that there’s no way of knowing if I’ve contracted her stomach bug, bc whatever gastrointestinal badness I have going on can also be feasibly explained by me chugging 32 oz. of water, eating a giant Jersey Mike’s sando and 3 lbs. of pineapple all in 2 hrs

What year do y’all think it will be when a judge says “type shit” on the record

“All the hottest girls have tummy issues” I cheerily say to my significant other from the other side of the bathroom door

Everyone acts like I’m crazy when I tell them how much self-conceptualization is a tiny man inside my head piloting a meat suit, and that’s why headaches are so hard to ignore

On the one hand I’m like “I’m not very good at World of Warcraft, not like the BIGGEST fan” On the other hand, I’ve played for every expansion except 2 and I put a Redditor on blast for including Legion mage artifact weapon Aluneth, Greatstaff of the Magna in their AI slop character art

Back in the day you really could just be like “it seems like words on the screen get transposed by my perceptive apparatus from time to time, let me invent Glitch in the Matrix Theory on Something Awful and create a decades long phenomenon that gets used wrong its entire life”

“No, this morning was a ‘clusterfuck,’ not a ‘disaster.’ Disaster is when you come out with a net negative. Nothing went right, but we’re back where we started, so it’s just a clusterfuck.” -Me heroically leading the squad

God gives His slowest cars to His sleepiest soldiers

If you look at what’s been popular on BookTok… maybe Jupiter Ascending was ahead of its time, that’s all I’m saying

The fuck do you mean Sweets co-directed the Dungeons & Dragons movie

I don’t know what a DLSS is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

I’m getting real tired of seeing people compare America under Trump to Communist North Korea or China, or Fascist Italy, or Nazi Germany, or whatever other easy analogy is hanging low on the Tyranny Tree Nope. No, at this point, MAGA America is our own unique special monster, and uniquely American.

My real life superpower is that my head starts hurting whenever there’s atmospheric pressure changes, usually in anticipation of a storm or something like that It is a shitty superpower

We’ve got to stop this millennial type shit y’all “win the Internet this hard” “this is everything” no stop it

Idk my girlfriend bought me a set of those floor buttons you paw at for a speaker to blurt out a word or phrase and that covers like 99% of my material needs

Genuinely can’t remember if I asked the zoomer clerks if they’d ever seen Community in a dream I had or in real life

Elon Musk is a good object lesson for liberals and their unseemly tendency towards hero worship. I only point this out because the trend of liberal darling to vile reactionary after someone was mean to them on the internet is such a problem, and these phenomena coinciding is in fact no coincidence.

I think I see the world in the same way as someone dying of carbon monoxide poisoning Tunnel visioned and sleepy

Holy shit Daggerheart is great actually no one ever told me

“Do that which is right, though the world may perish” I whisper to myself as I downvote the pretty goth girl for her ChatGPT image of her holding hands with Dr. Gregory House