Sharing more cat-stickers-as-emojis with the exact same energy in case y’all need a couple of sassy ladies

Phil? A dilf? Eeuuugh….

Uhhh actually it’s “glasslighting,” I don’t know why you’d ever think it was that other thing you said

Complaining about cancel culture in Riyadh is one of the best examples I've seen of how "free speech culture" rots the brain.

Heard this to the tune of “No Children” by the Mountain Goats

I understand that what might be experienced by an American as a delightful discovery of a heretofore unknown cultural/linguistic difference could be a micro-aggression for the English side of the equation experiencing their culture reduced to an object of idle curiosity But you see the irony, right

Enjoy some stickers of our cats that I use in lieu of emojis to torture my girlfriend in text conversations

Also, gives you more sandwich. I can’t explain how, but it absolutely does. Not my original observation, but a hill I will die on.

This episode of Columbo has - Columbo’s dog doing dog stuff - A child genius - A fucking robot built by said child genius - Jessica goddamned Walter This episode has too many hijinks

This episode of Great British Bake-Off is very challenging to watch as an American. What is a Tombola. Why is the custard hot for this thing called a School Cake. And I’m still not over flapjacks not being pancakes.

Tonight’s episode of Great British Bake-off poses an immediate existential crisis for me, because apparently I don’t know what a flapjack is, and I’m ready to fight someone over it

If a government tells you that you can’t call it authoritarian, it’s authoritarian.

Schrödinger's Shooter exists as both a deranged leftist motivated by dangerous rhetoric AND as a misunderstood troubled youth who needed Jesus until the waveform collapses

One of my favorite couple activities is to look mournfully at my girlfriend whenever I’m hot/tired/feeling unwell and let her know that I’m dying

Potat

“Delaware County is the New Jersey of Pennsylvania” is a real ass sentence my girlfriend just said

One of my favorite things about Columbo (the show, not the character) is how the showrunners clearly think someone who just won’t shut the fuck up is like the funniest thing ever And, y’know, they’re onto something

Oh fuck me running Vincent Price and Martin Sheen are in the *same goddamned episode* of Columbo

There’s a part in A Feast for Crows where the Septon talks about the life of a broken man and how they find themselves fighting for lords they don’t know against other small folk following a lord they don’t know and I think about it every time my girlfriend reminds me we’re Cowboys fans apparently

Hot take: Dan Brown kinda led to the post-truth nightmare world we currently live in While Dan Brown used fictional conspiracy theories for good fun in his novels Dumb asses took them completely at face value and became the Joe Rogan style skeptics who later morphed into the “skeptical” Right

Here’s the thing about apologizing in contexts like this Conservatives basically use it as an uno-reverse card. “Uh, you can’t use that against me/him, I/he apologized!” Which is infuriating, because if you’re sane, *these apologies don’t count* for the same reason “sorry” after a murder doesn’t

If someone says a bunch of things and one of them is that my loved ones should be stoned to death, I really don’t need to hear the other stuff to know who he was.

Putting away all the "CIVIL WAR NOW" banners at the news station and bringing out the "Mental Health Crisis in America" banners with a heavy sigh

This is simply untenable. There is no way forward with media and political classes captured by the right. Every time someone commits a crime you have to pray it's not an undesirable or it's purge time, then when it turns out to be themselves again they just shrug and wait for the next one.

if charlie kirk didn't get shot the right wing would be equally and as consequentially as mad about a tv commercial or restaurant logo or something else, they're gonna do what they're gonna do regardless

There’s a non-zero chance his last thoughts were “so much for the tolerant Left” and that’s been a doozy of a realization

Fucking God please set me freeeeeeee

Oh fuck me that’s a young Leonard Nimoy in Season 2 episode 6 of Columbo

Fascists look at their fellow fascist shot to death, a victim of the insane gun culture they have lovingly, deliberately, and obsessively cultivated, and clench their fists and clutch their pearls and cry their crocodile tears and cry out “this is the death of the moderate right!” Fucking Fascists

This whole “performative male” trend is, while absolutely a PSA worth broadcasting, unfortunate for a hypothetical someone who has always liked iced matcha lattes because my brain thinks it tastes like chocolate milk

Asking my girlfriend if she thinks this butthole lump is just a hemorrhoid or something to ask a doctor about because we are young and in love goddammit and life is beautiful and no it doesn’t hurt or anything it just feels weird

Me farting: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me shitting: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

Slightly diminish a book Shack of Leaves

I will never post anything half as clever as this

My brain is fundamentally unused to seeing my face from any angle other than head-on, and so my psyche gets absolutely shattered anytime I see a photo or video of myself in profile

The lion does not concern himself with how long the zucchini lasagna has been in the fridge

If you need to go into the same bathroom where your significant other is showering to get your water cup, but you don’t want to scare her, it turns out stepping in quietly and whispering “be not afraid, I am only here for the water” is a terrible way to do that

Friend explained what a litRPG is and the rest of D&D night was two of us screaming that the way English works is that the first word is the adjective and the second word is the noun, so unless it’s an RPG navigated through the field of literature, no, it’s not a fucking litRPG, it’s fucking RPGlit

“Is Columbo a class traitor?”

this is why I pay for photoshop

Charcuterie night with the girlfriend - a perfect snacky end to a very long week

Finally fucking beat that *fucking* Deltarune Chapter 3 boss, *fucking loooooord* Time to finally see the rest of the game!

Sweet gremlin child

Hmmmmm

Columbo taught me that Rizzo apparently isn’t a fake ass muppet name

Watching Columbo is like “wow this show is pretty fucking good and a real vibe I’m digging it wait is that Leslie fucking Nielsen”

Aight I’ve decided to get into Columbo and this pilot is pretty good

Well that can’t be right

Arm trans women Is it MEAD you’re looking for Fight Racism The rare configuration of bumper stickers on an old pickup truck in front of me that makes me want to be friends with that person