pie (ngl yall I don't think this account gon make it far this shit dead as hell)

A... Alright! [ They raise their paw, asking for a blueberry milkshake, and a strawberry flavor for themselves. ] It's... silly, you k-know? I never thought you'd like blueberry! Maybe I haven't really... um, what's the word? Studied ya well enough to know that?

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ 'yo yo yo, if you don't shut your mouth, imma shut it for you, PUNK!'

(What's a Saccharine...?)

O... okie dokie! [ A few steps, holding paws together, they snuzzle closer to Patches every minute wasted... ] [ Then, they finally arrive at the milkshake parlkor! Olive sits down, looking at Patchie and waiting for them to sit down. ] What would you like, Patchie...?

[ Oh, they're starting to get ready to pour a very much stolen can of gasoline in styrofoam. ] L-Let's see if it makes sparks!

S... Sometimes when I get too hungry, I like to start biting into pens I find anywhere...

B-Birthday! Or should I say, p... pupday...?

// Anyone can Cook!

[ Chuckling, seems that they notice how you're being boosted by the affection... ] O-Of course you are! Deep down, and even outside... up? What's the word for that, again...? [ They mean you're also nice in the outside. ] [+]

O... Of course! I'm glad that got you back in your paws! [ They comment, snuzzling their face into your paw at the petting... ] Patchie, seriously... y-you REALLY are a good boyo, deep down!

[Oh, their tail wags even faster! Thudding against you, and their eyes sparkle...] C-Closest friend?! Wowie! I feel like I'm the coolest dog 'round t-town! To be sincere, um... having so many friends, it's kinda hard to have ONE favorite, ya know...? So d-don't tell anyone, but you're my favorite!

... what does Mx Higgins mean...?

pie✦ (for all the moots who make other parody accs to follow and support me, I can never thank you enough)

[Well, their tail wags at least! Seems that answer satisfied them, they slowly grab your paw and put it on their head again, their hair is... a mess, to say the least.] Y-You don't have to talk about these feelings, ya'nno? If I can help in any way, I will be there, Patchie! (+)

W-Well, I can barely keep my eyes wide open for more than 3 seconds, so... But! I am feeling purrfect! P-Patchie has been hanging out with me, and it's a super duper fun experience! M-maybe you should come, too? Unless you have something prepared, I know how busy cats can get!

Someone online s-said this image represented me w-well...

[Well, after a good 20 seconds, Olive blinks...] G-gosh darn it, hehe... you won! I really need to get better at that... ... so, um, let's talk about something else! Besides me sucking at staring competitions, how are you today?

[An accidental staring competition starts! They stare at you, doing nothing, except... breathing?]

[A staring competition accidentally starts! They stare at you with nothing going on their head.]

Y-Yup! 【They lean into the petting, stuffing their face on your paw...】 Patchie, if there's... anything, y-you're feeling stressed about, can you let me k-know first? Pretty please with bacon on top?

Y-YAAAYY! Come here, y-you! 【Unpredictably (maybe not so much?) Olive starts licking Patches gently, eugh... they pull back after like 12 seconds.】 I-I knew you would never lie to m-me! Or I would be really upset and cry! And die! From a h-heart attack!

Okay, h-how about you write that type of information in a diary? S-so you're always up to date. Besides, y-you could always make a quick buck based off certain activities! I e-even made 2 bucks and 40 cents with my um... baking business!

How about... w-we all sit down, have fun and eat some yummy treats! Um, w-without the privacy invading...? Cause you're ALSO a good dog?

P-please don't? Privacy is v-very important!

//"🏳️‍🌈?" Ass dog

W-well, um... I-I can't stop you, can I? A-as long as you don't... Kill anyone, I can allow it! 【Olive seems to keep their hug tight and firm, patting Patches gently.】 You'll always b-be a good boy in my eyes, no matter what!

【Olive looks around before going for another hug, not pulling away this time.】 I-I... Um, sorry, haha— I just... 【They're growing pretty quiet, clearly bothered about something, but the hug seems to calm them down.】

N-NOOOO! Y-You're not like that!! 【They give a warm hug to the other... Before wavering their paw around in his face.】 Y-you did some... Um, things... B-but you're just as good as anyone else! Just... No more... Bad d-dog deeds! 【Doing their impossible to deny puppy eyes...】

Y-you're gonna get in trouble i-if you keep doing hyperboles like... That...

O-orange juice... 【Literally daydreaming about the simplest drink ever.】

You aren't a m-murderer! You will never be in my eyes! I pawmise you! B-besides, you wouldn't hurt anyone, would you, Patchie?

W-well, um... It's true! 【They pet Patches, their tail wags uncontrollably.】 Aww, if only you could see your face, ha ha! S-so cute! 【Olive doesn't seem to stop their petting attack...】

P-Patchie is still the goodest boy!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I'm 𝗢𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲, and I've c-come ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ to terms with my own ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ death...!

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ I-It's a good thing.