situation is bad grandmother requiring 24/7 care, have to set alarms in the night to check on her, take her to the toilet, watch her carefully I am physically and psychologically exhausted I physically can't continue to lift her because I already had a damaged chest that could spasm and be v painful

It's pictures like these that sparked my young mind into obsessing over weapon systems. I love the glowing screens and buttons. Tech imagery captured my imagination from my earliest days. I didn't want to be a fighter pilot, I wanted to touch the buttons and sit in the seat and watch the screens.

turns out this is the ultimate anti-reflux food has potato starch in it to make the mixture somewhat viscous or gelatinous (creamy mouth taste, but kind of fake), which is a physical property that resists reflux splashing very low fat for a meal of this type, 4g total also quite low kcal

The most zen game on earth is always Bejeweled

It's kind of a meme on bluesky to hate AI but it's making astonishing progress and it's even better than it was 6 months ago - and it was very good for many tasks 6 months ago. I've used AI to make massive progress on health issues I was having, it's changed my life for the better. I also used it

got my formal adhd inattentive diagnosis today and a medication plan

my diet is just so healthy now, my lifestyle is so healthy, I'm getting so much potassium, so many vegetables

I have special needs in reverse.

I need to stop worrying. I spend most of my life worrying.

Very blessed I don't drink or smoke. I don't want any of that shit. I do enjoy a few drinks with friends every few months but that's about it.

There's nothing I hate more than calling my aunt and she's drunk and slurring her words. It really annoys me, when I'm dealing with care stuff. So often in the evenings she's drunk and can't function.

xmb is beautiful because it doesn't feel like it's constantly trying to sell you stuff it was a minimalist interface into your games, settings, and media content it genuinely looks better than anything today

listening to a CD on my PS3

I just love watching youtube, I have so much fun watching youtube, more than ever before because no I'm using it signed in and get good algorithmic recommendations

When you look back at your childhood you don't think it's odd but when you look forward to the idea of having a child the idea you wouldn't try to give them advice everyday to help them sounds unthinkable.

It is crazy that there are lots of parents who don't give their children advice, almost ever. My adoptive parents were good but they didn't really do that, not proactive advice, so I probably made a lot of mistakes I didn't need to.

Sometimes you see glimpses of reality as it is. I think reality as we collectively perceived it is sometimes totally false, in big ways.

"he starts down here... he ends up here... where's my arc?"

I've been betrayed or mistreated by a lot of people, been through difficult things, but my personality largely remains constant, it's deeply set, I remain conscientious, anxious, reflective, its in my blood

I've spent 8 years largely by myself

my life has been bad, for sure, it's not been good, I look back and think how did so much time pass between negative episodes, because it builds up a kind of anti-momentum, so negative periods last longer and longer

My taxi driver was literally 30 seconds away and then she took the wrong turn in on the roundabout and went onto this main road and now it'll take literally 10 minutes for her to get here, what an actual idiot

millennial pause

I've always been quite hedonistic, ideologically, I think it's good

inside my brain I am an e-girl

How I'm feeling

I might make a new even more anonymous account and just tell my select key followers the handle over dm

i'm just too real

being rich would pretty much solve 95% of all my problems for a decade or two

I was in physical pain or discomfort for so long I forgot what normal was like, the feeling of your body being at ease, relaxed

I'm feeling depressed and jittery after that coffee

I never enjoy music until I have either a coffee or red bull

Reading about lipogenesis, it's very interesting

I'm not too depressed. I honestly think it's more likely that my life is over than it is going to be good. Kind of running out of time, willpower, the mistakes I've made are compounding, I don't see how I can recover.

If I drank a coffee or red bull now I would become hypomanic, I can feel it.

I am watching a blu ray of the first harry potter film, I will add my thoughts

thinking about getting into lego, could be very relaxing. I was obsessed with lego as a child.

I face massive paralysis when it comes to starting any video game these days, I stare at steam and my massive library of ROMS, my PS4, my PS3, I have SO much choice, I can play 85% of all games made since the 1980s... and I mostly just stare until I decide not to play anything

my mood is more stable so I'm not skeeting as much. A lot of it must have been down to mirtazapine leading to mood cycling - stronger euphoria but then stronger depressive phases, with things like being unable to move, I don't get that any more

been thinking about wearing all black, getting a nice belt, wearing black turtlenecks

feeling kind of funny today, like unsure, like things are unsafe - but I think it comes down to being lonely and isolated.

probably the most efficient way imaginable to get glucose into your bloodstream - way quicker than chocolate, white bread

I'm going to have a coffee tomorrow. It's going to be good.

pushed my kcal deficit too far and ended up with atypical (for me) cravings for syrup or treacle

sometimes it's tempting to think, oh I should grow up, I should be responsible, I should change my life around, sometimes I hear that advice and almost feel motivated by it - the idea of independence, being stoic, making progress - but that's not necessarily what reality is, our personal experiences

I miss being able to drink white monster due to it being a meme drink, I literally can't because it makes my physiologically ill (artificial sweetner) and psychologically ill (hypomania) lmao