Haunted or not, in this economy a free house is a free house

Is there a Mrs Dr Oetker?

They keep flattening the gay people to put them in my phone someone’s got to stop them

You know what sometimes is is too late

Need a delicious cigarette rn

Just found out they’re making us all do our jobs tomorrow

I never gave you permission to read this 🤨

[Carly Simon voice] You’re so vain, you probably think this group chat’s about you

Falling asleep in a flower with a face full of nectar gotta feel great as fuck if you’re a big fat bee

Don’t hear much about people’s Christian Minecraft servers much these days

🚩 Marked safe from group chats

Don’t look now but the guy who lives in your walls got a fresh new haircut

You gonna eat that?

Why not, why shouldn’t I have a delicious caffeinated beverage after midnight?

They should invent a Diet Coke that makes you sleepy

Is that smudge on my glasses or on my eye?

Computah show me the good bugs

That’s good news because that’s all my posts 😎

It’s time for a Bond who doesn’t fuck

They should make hot dogs even more phallic. Give em balls or something

They’ve automated the dick sucking factory now I’m feelin just like another hog in the machine

What can we really say other than things may, or perchance may not, be happening?

Crashing out in their dms >>>>>

I don’t have time for this right now

Walking away from Omelas like

I understand why they publish them by household but as a single person living alone this always hurts to see

A phone without a case feels more premium, but it’s not without risk!

Leto II and his Ixian devices:

You can disable quotes on here???

This was good, fuck you

Geordie Greep at the aquarium: “Oh, what a magnificent porpoise”

born in 95/96 voice: “I’m actually a Zillenial”

raising my hand to ask the dumbest question after a conference talk

Anyone got any good recommendations for recipes? Sites, books, YouTube videos, anything at all. Preferably things that can be made for one person or batch cooking for the week fairly easily by someone who’s cooking skills while not non existent are not exactly Michelin star

Can I borrow your floor?

what the fuck do u mean you “shrunk the kids” I want a divorce

My parents WiFi is so bad it’s like the house’s walls are lined with lead

Oh I see the “discourse” here is rancid too.

I don’t even really have anything to post

Happy New Year, I love you all, especially the haters

I know it’s late but Merry Pissmass everyone

omw to hoot your nanny

Never keep your hot car in a dog

Everyone ready to send ill judged “Happy New Year 🥳” messages tonight?

2026 won’t be my year, I’m saving that for 2028.

Incredible piece of wax just fell out my ear

They’re washing your ass over on bidetsky

Wow I can’t believe you would say something I would misinterpret as so hurtful like that

Broccoli is a top tier veg