How You Become A Republican.

I got 3,000 in the pool for the number of Trump's lies tomorrow night and 75 in the insult pool... wait a minute, I might have that turned around. Let me get back to you on that.

I'm thinking of going EV

I've reached the conclusion that UFO's aren't here to invade us, they're here to make sure we don't escape and screw up the rest of the universe.

Not that I’m unfeeling, but has anybody noticed the “former” major national networks, CBS and NBC, spend twice as much air time on an Arizona kidnapping than on the Epstein files that affects the entire nation? Billionaire distraction perhaps?

Where is his transcript?

Jobs Ending Soon

Job Opening?

Let me see if I got this straight; the Trumpster's Goons are shooting American protesters and illegally jailing its own citizens, but DickHead is sending an Armada to Iran to stop that government for doing the same... Wasn't the Grand Old Pedophiles' Twenty Year War in Afghanistan lesson enough?

If I’m elected Governor of Minnesota I’ll remove ICE and install universal health care for all our residents on Day One by becoming Canada’s 11th Province. Elbows Up and Hail to the Walleye!

The neighbor and I couldn't make up our minds if we should take out the fence between our properties... so we decided to take a pole.

I knew a girl in college, last name Karnall. But I have no knowledge of her.

Anybody ever notice that there's always an odd number of sheets left at the end of a toilet paper roll? If elected president I'll fix that on Day One.

I had a stream of unconsciousness once... turns out I'd over-partaken in the Irish elixir of life and passed out... got a new mattress out of it though. They call me Mellow Yellow.

The average American reads at an 8th grade level. For god sakes reporters, call a "lie" a "lie", don't try to impress fishwrap readers with "untruth". They'll think you're trying to sell them a Plymouth.

You want to keep Trump and his minions out of Greenland? Store the Epstein files there.

Took the Cognitive Test on the back of the Wheaties box. Aced it. Gonna invade Bikini Atoll next week. Nobody else can do that.

I like that Mamdani chose to be sworn in an abandoned subway station. Something symbolic about that. We used to break into a closed park shelter to take a pee when we were kids. The four of us eventually became a cop, a dentist, a mayor and a school superintendent. We got a grip on things.

I'm Dunning. Kruger couldn't make it. Misplaced his keys...

This Bozo at Day Care gave me a sure-fire tip on an AI stock, went all in, but the damn thing crashed a few days later. Just about crapped my pants... whoops, hold on...

Fencing Out The Ice

How come I didn't get a program?

Goddamit, Mikey! You told me this was going to be an informal session!

I confess, it was me. It's those damn foreign bananas. Nothing a good tariff wouldn't fix. We should be growing 'em right here in Minnesota but you think Trump would listen? Noooo! He thinks North Dakota would be better! Geography just isn't one of his stronger suits...

Seriously, I tell you the crazy old bastard was snoring during the cabinet meeting and Hegseth was trying to stick one of his hands in warm water. Vance was just about peeing in his own pants laughing about it. Bunch of fun-loving guys. Catch it all on Fox if you don't believe me.

An IQ test should be required of all voters.

It's been noted the back of the Orange One's hands are badly bruised. Donald, I've been telling you, you have to take care of your entire hand, you just can't only grease your palms.

We can predict how much snow is coming by the number of male cardinals at the feeder. Four males means 4" to 6". 8 means 10-12 inches. We counted a dozen Cards a few times and got 20". The birds did a mass suicide back in 2017 and we packed up and headed south. Took to July to dig out the house.

Batshit Crazy is now on sale at a mall near you, but get there fast as the Trumpsters are trying to corner the market.

Let's see if I can figure this Trumpian thread out: The Orange One sent the Guard into DC to help fight crime, but now the police, who are trained to fight crime, are being used to protect the Guard, who have been busy picking up trash and raking leaves because they're not trained to fight crime.

A Golden Fall

Wordless

The wife and I had this flu bug, mixed up our body signals, were never sure if we were going to pass gas or drop a live one. Sort of a gamble. Got me wondering what the protocol was if you woke up in the morning and found a turd in bed with you. Anyone got Melania’s number?

What's all this talk about ruptures? I knew a man who sneezed while sitting on the pot, cracked two ribs and sprung a hernia. It just don't pay to be full of shit, Donald.

Pre-Morning Coffee, Anything out there?

Went photo-hunting in the fog this morning. Kind of a post-battle shot. The deer have been eating the bottom branches off the trumpet vine. Don't ask my why.

It's a good thing that DOJ employee only threw a sub sandwich at that Fed cop. If he'd thrown a Big Mac the cholesterol might've killed him.

Whaddya Mean You Ain't Coming Out?

Summer's Past

Proof that Felon the First is full of it.

When There's Nowhere To Go But Up

A cooling thought

This little guy decided to take a break from the heat in our backyard.

His Holiness the Orange One, Knower of All Things, Banisher of Science, Ruler of the Mindless that All May Live in Ignorance and Perpetual Awe of His Magnificence ruled a Nation as his own private golf club. However Felon the First, as he was also known, quickly proved himself a Shankopottamus.

@bookspotlight.bsky.social Writers Challenge - Just For Fun Noir Murder Mystery Opening Line - you write the second "I thought her answer was lame... but she had legs up to her neck."

I caught this candid photo of Trump and his Cabinet stretching their legs.

You shoulda seen the other guy!

After The Morning Mow

I caught this candid photo of Trump and his Cabinet stretching their legs.