Yeah, sex is good. But have you ever went from last place to first in Mario Party in one turn?

I *SAID* "Tee-Hee," good sir!

Introducing my child to The Sims. She is currently very occupied with her sim, Idiotic Freakbum III.

A xenomorph lost his lil mouth!

Do you feed a Stevie after Midnight?

"name and shame them" so yeah the number of times I've seen multiple women come together with binders of evidence about a single man and essentially nothing happened to him kiiiinda discourages that approach

...Dad... is that you?

That sure is a lot of words for "I can't get laid."

The orphan crushing machine has been delayed in crushing orphans. APPARENTLY, crushing orphans for profit can be considered BAD by some weirdos!

Man, I wish they’d bring back cool trends like bell bottoms or swing dancing instead of COINTELPRO

Remember, kids: you're not doing a bad job if you don't get graded on it.

Guys, guys, who cares that the majority of the rich and elite do terrible things to children and babies? We're making them money, and maybe that money will be used to buy more children, but that's none of my business.

13 yo while playing a game with sister: "This boss is not good. He's a bully; he'll kick you in the nuts and steal your lunch money." 9yo: "I don't have nuts. I'm a girl." 13yo: "Well, then... he'll kick you in your girl nuts."

Try to avoid it like Wile E. Coyote avoids the painted tunnel.

As opposed to....?

This is Jerry Lawson. He invented the video game cartridge for the Fairchild Channel F system. Because of his invention, many consoles had cartridges and CD formats and would become the norm. The Atari 2600, NES, Genesis, and many consoles wouldn't exist without him. Happy Black History Month.

This house is a Greg Garcia and Garvin Eddy house.

O Doyle rules -- boo -- bad -- Adam Sandler reference Bryan Doyle Murray rules -- enlightened -- experienced -- Greg Garcia appreciation

"Not a transphobe" "On the left"

Four days ago, "You know, let me at least *try* Stardew Valley even though I don't like farming sims." 40 hours later...

People are usin' ChatGPT to fight with their spouses, for therapy, for their college essays, and now for parenting. Have we all just forgotten collectively how to use our brains? That lump three feet above your ass?

I sometimes, selfishly wish I was *ANY* white person in 1985.

Nobody: Nobody: Absolutely nobody: Me at 8:51am: SCOTT BURNHAM 1985

Wes Cherry, the designer of Solitaire for Windows, originally had a "boss key" that would open up a blank Excel workbook. He was told to remove it before release. :(

Last classes today, two students told me to keep teaching, no matter what.

We wanted Leia but all we got was Luke I for one feel fucking cheated

I am what you get when you have main character vibes, but NPC energy.

I didn't know that physicals used the standard American letter grades on health. But let's be real, this man hasn't ever gotten straight A's in anything.

I would be a great trophy wife if I wasn't autistic.

How is it that the entire technology sector in the US relies on an Excel spreadsheet and, like, two lines of code from the 70's?

At this point I don't think I'd be surprised to find out *I* sucked Clinton's dick.

If Rick Sanchez is antifascist what the fuck is your excuse you misanthropic fuck

Damn Obsidian, way to call me out. "The Earth Protectorate has discovered a flaw! You bish, are abrasive, easily distracted, and a hermit." Like damn, if I wanted this much criticism, I'd call my mother.

lmao "Microsoft is not policing our messages in the game! we understand it looks goofy making an anti monopoly game when we got bought out by monopoly the company" *next paragraph* "Microsoft would like you to stop speaking about their involvement with the IDF" (full text in linked article)

If you're asking, "Whomst among us hasn't gone a little Nazi?" You're telling on yourself more than you're gathering company.

My partner is currently having an internet argument with a wrong number. I keep telling them to hang up. They will not.

Roll for willful ignorance: Nat 20.

I laughed. Because the motherfucker could be retired, sittin on his porch, in the sun, drinking iced tea, but he needs to rob those minorities of all their rights.

Why did they bother with a private chat when Twitter is *RIGHT THERE*?

ChatGPT helped a child to commit suicide in April but in 6 months they’ve made so much progress on mitigating “the serious mental health issues” that they’re ready to roll out the jack off protocol

I don't think anyone wants to watch Game of Thrones anyways, but also, fuck you, pay real people, and let some people just rest in peace.

America 2050: Time to watch my daily ads so I can start my car and go to the job that owns my home, where they play ads so I can cook, use the toilet, and shower. But I can also watch a really shitty AI-created television show, once I watch all the ads.

Please, this is peak internet and accurate as fuck I am dying from amusement here.

8yo: how you feel about unspeakable Me: *capitalist ranting* 8yo: but he has to pay his cameramen, he has to pay his setup crew, he has to pay everyone else whether you see them or dont see them Me: holy shit I raised you right

Iron Man is the new generation's Smoke on the Water.