Four days ago, "You know, let me at least *try* Stardew Valley even though I don't like farming sims." 40 hours later...

People are usin' ChatGPT to fight with their spouses, for therapy, for their college essays, and now for parenting. Have we all just forgotten collectively how to use our brains? That lump three feet above your ass?

I sometimes, selfishly wish I was *ANY* white person in 1985.

Nobody: Nobody: Absolutely nobody: Me at 8:51am: SCOTT BURNHAM 1985

Wes Cherry, the designer of Solitaire for Windows, originally had a "boss key" that would open up a blank Excel workbook. He was told to remove it before release. :(

Last classes today, two students told me to keep teaching, no matter what.

We wanted Leia but all we got was Luke I for one feel fucking cheated

I am what you get when you have main character vibes, but NPC energy.

I didn't know that physicals used the standard American letter grades on health. But let's be real, this man hasn't ever gotten straight A's in anything.

I would be a great trophy wife if I wasn't autistic.

How is it that the entire technology sector in the US relies on an Excel spreadsheet and, like, two lines of code from the 70's?

At this point I don't think I'd be surprised to find out *I* sucked Clinton's dick.

If Rick Sanchez is antifascist what the fuck is your excuse you misanthropic fuck

Damn Obsidian, way to call me out. "The Earth Protectorate has discovered a flaw! You bish, are abrasive, easily distracted, and a hermit." Like damn, if I wanted this much criticism, I'd call my mother.

lmao "Microsoft is not policing our messages in the game! we understand it looks goofy making an anti monopoly game when we got bought out by monopoly the company" *next paragraph* "Microsoft would like you to stop speaking about their involvement with the IDF" (full text in linked article)

If you're asking, "Whomst among us hasn't gone a little Nazi?" You're telling on yourself more than you're gathering company.

My partner is currently having an internet argument with a wrong number. I keep telling them to hang up. They will not.

Roll for willful ignorance: Nat 20.

I laughed. Because the motherfucker could be retired, sittin on his porch, in the sun, drinking iced tea, but he needs to rob those minorities of all their rights.

Why did they bother with a private chat when Twitter is *RIGHT THERE*?

ChatGPT helped a child to commit suicide in April but in 6 months they’ve made so much progress on mitigating “the serious mental health issues” that they’re ready to roll out the jack off protocol

I don't think anyone wants to watch Game of Thrones anyways, but also, fuck you, pay real people, and let some people just rest in peace.

America 2050: Time to watch my daily ads so I can start my car and go to the job that owns my home, where they play ads so I can cook, use the toilet, and shower. But I can also watch a really shitty AI-created television show, once I watch all the ads.

Please, this is peak internet and accurate as fuck I am dying from amusement here.

8yo: how you feel about unspeakable Me: *capitalist ranting* 8yo: but he has to pay his cameramen, he has to pay his setup crew, he has to pay everyone else whether you see them or dont see them Me: holy shit I raised you right

Iron Man is the new generation's Smoke on the Water.

Stephen Miller looks like if Dorian Grey's portrait wished to be a real boy.

Hades was just released on Game Pass, and I never thought I'd enjoy a game so hellbent on killing me over and over again.

I feel like this sums up almost any GWAR show...

Scepter Mouth

"On the level of individuals and civilizations, personality predates ideology, meaning before you were a fascist, you were a bully and an asshole." - Brennan Lee Mulligan

I was getting my usual convenience store supplies for the workday and was stopped by an elderly gentleman who basically spent five minutes telling me a lot of really nice things, including that I was beautiful down to my soul. So excuse me while I prance around like a pretty princess.

My thoughts on the events of today.

If comparison is the true thief of joy, then internet influencers are the true terrorists. In this essay, I will--

Schrodinger's Trump.

Come on, come on, come on...

It's that time of year again when I need to call out professors and teachers who keep asking their students to cold email developers to interview them for a class assignment. Stop assigning this to students. No really. STOP. Please stop. I have other suggestions for you- stay with me...

Interview: "Localization's Come A Long Way In The Last 25 Years" - The Incredible Story Behind Final Fantasy IX's Epic Translation.

those “it was so much better in the 80’s!” ai videos are prime examples of how nostalgia is an aesthetic of fascism

Every single person who thinks a trans person should just pipe down until we restore democracy is, in my view, an enemy of democracy. I’m not doing it.

Because shutting up the demographic that's under some of the most suffering will surely help us defeat the people "out to get them." Yes, that's how it's always worked. *checks notes* Oh wait...

25 year old chucks.

Finally my chance at superpowers.

This morning someone online said I look like their mom, and then a mom gushed for a good minute about how pretty I am. So... I think I'm old now.

I really honestly miss the fever dream that was early 2000s MTV and VH1 reality dating shows.

The little alien that runs my human suit loves vodka and cookies.

Oh no, I'm not human. I'm what you get if you throw self-loathing, apologetic for existing, 12 Monster rehabs and THC in a cauldron and call out "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" 3 times.