"Did you see what Mark Cuban posted? Oh did you see the clapb—" You shake yourself awake in the cold North Atlantic water. You are not online. It is July of 1858. You are a baleen whale, and you have changed your mind. The future most not come to pass. The telegraph cable must break.

God, let each person who asks be a winner. Everyone would get their prayers answered and as a bonus it would be hilarious.

“Girl dad” or “boy mom” is gross. Just be a parent and shut up.

this is the greatest feeling, when the cord box proves its utility to a family member

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

I once tried to order a “vin chaud” in Paris and the lovely server could not hold back her laughter. I think she was in disbelief. A great disagreement on how many consonants a word has. I believe it has all the consonants listed, and the French believing it has none.

Spielberg and Koepp?!?! I’m in

Coming in at number 3 is, you guessed it, everybody’s favorite serial killer and killing it with the pageviews about the bodies he killed, iiiitttt’ssssss Ed Gein!

President currently feuding with a beloved American comedy icon who was murdered 24 hours ago.

When Rob Reiner was on his all-time epic run at the start of his career, he had an opportunity to read a script that was looking for a production partner, and he lost his mind for it. He decided Castle Rock had to have it, no matter what.

Rob Reiner's first seven films: 1. Spinal Tap. 2. The Sure Thing. 3. Stand By Me. 4. THE PRINCESS BRIDE. 5. WHEN HARRY MET SALLY. 6. Misery 7. A Few Good Men. Good lord. Even Spielberg included 1941 in his first seven. And that was after playing Michael Stivic. I hope this news isn't true. But...

All the tweets will hopefully bolster the charges against these people when the time comes

When you think about it, saying “I’ll give you something to cry about” to a crying child is absolutely psychotic behavior

Personally, I think the writer should be summarily fired, too

I figure this'll be an essential one for everybody trying to respond in Minneapolis right now.

Congratulations to TIME Magazine’s Person of the Year: The Box of Miscellaneous USB and Firewire Cables You Started Collecting in 2007

same people who wouldn't let the spiderman symbol be on a three-year-old's tombstone says billionaires can help you create disney princess hentai now

did it in four words hemmingway

But he aced it!

How many members of the Bush administration just shuddered in pleasure? I’m having Deja vu

MORPHEUS: They're coming for you, Neo. I can guide you, but you must do exactly as I say. Take the elevator to the lobby and go to the CVS across the street. Purchase 5 Steam gift cards at $200 each. Scratch off the protective coating on the back and tell me the fifteen digit redemption codes. Hurry

no idea

"'They all were scared, crying... they were pointing with the guns not to move,' he said. He said all four are U.S. citizens..." www.kare11.com/article/news...

So love wobbegongs. Everything is good about the wobbegong. Its name. Its flattened Oscar the Grouch face. Its frondy bits. Its lazy life as a hungry rug. And it’s a shark. Outstanding animal 10/10

Every legal story now is either Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach or In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport

You can help Bolts continue to provide crucial coverage of local elections. Here's how: - Repost this = I donate $1. - Follow @boltsmag.org = I donate $1. - Donate (link below) + tell me how much = I match your donation. (Donate monthly = I match a year's worth)

me: i need a delicious source of potassium banana: i'm here for you me: i am also an avid fan of slapstick comedy banana: ok you're not gonna believe this

Quite breathtaking story - military grade drones at Dublin airport which flew on the path Zelensky's plane took. The drones reached the flight path of his plane exactly the time it should have been there, but just missed it because Zelensky arrived ahead of schedule:

Trump not knowing how to use quotes is just so perfect. A cancer “survivor”

Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke

I don’t know how you report on this guy day in and day out without some serious medication and therapy

no one else has been so consistently artful in describing the last decade of conservative politics than David Roth, and for this accursèd talent the least he deserves is a Pulitzer defector.com/the-conserva...

Please let Trump raise the price of the Costco hot dog. Please let Jim Sinegal carry out his sacred oath.

with the holiday season now officially upon us, it's time to start playing our favorite christmas songs here's one of mine

Last night I had a dream of trying to find Scarlett Johansson so I could give her a copy of There is No Anti-Memetics Division and get her to produce/star in it. Which, maybe my subconscious has stumbled onto something here!

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

Today truly is a High Holy Day for many of us.

I don’t know if that Nuzzi document is from a source or someone’s …uh- imaginative fanfic, but I feel grateful to not know.

imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy

Now that’s a lede. Story by @taracopp.bsky.social and @michelleboorstein.bsky.social. Read here: www.washingtonpost.com/national-sec...

squirrel: *points gun* me: what do you want me to do? squirrel: *gestures at sign* me: alright, i get it *opens book drop* squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion* me: NOT A SQUIRREL! squirrel: *disappears into book drop* me: *whispers* forgive me, keith

To her credit, “bad things happen when you hear my name” does seem to be pretty consistent for Nuzzi!

A lot going on with Olbermann but holy shit RFK Jr has aged 40 years in the past 15 years!

Happy On the Calculation of Volume day to all who celebrate! 🎉 #📚💙

I can’t believe I could see this tonight. What majesty!

This is really well done. www.newyorker.com/culture/the-...

Dems backed Trump into a corner where he’s advocating for starving Americans and hemorrhaging support. If they vote to let him off the hook in exchange for nothing it’s a cataclysmic failure. I know people are in pain but insulating Republicans from political consequences is not the answer.