Is there anyone here who ISN'T being followed by Vegplotter? There must be someone. Anyone?

So I've just heard that the singer from Living in a Box has passed

You can do anything but lay off of my

You forgot to send your mother a poppy card this year. I'm very disappointed, son.

Keep reading about this Madeline McCann impersonator and was wondering how I'd go about booking her for a corporate event. Does anyone know who her agent is? Fuck it, post

'Spider megacity'. Well that can fuck off www.independent.co.uk/news/science...

Dick Cheney's porn name was Dick Cheney

Andrew Mountbatten Windsor is a bit of a mouthful. He should give himself a trendy nickname like And-Mo or Mob-Win, like the rap fellas.

Happy Halloween www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_Co...

BREAKING - Andrew is stripped of Cycling Proficiency Certificate, 5m Backstroke and Jim'll Fix It badges

Now streaming

Post something random or you’ll have an AWFUL November

Adverts should be representative of traditional British families

Rather than going for a standard phallus design, Russia's new nuclear-powered missile looks like a dog's lipstick

Went to the Goodwood motor circuit yesterday and not being much of a petrol head, I was the one cooing over the architecture instead

The knocking down of the White House east wing to build a ballroom is completely legit. Trump brought in Hannah Ingram-Moore, daughter of Captain Tom, to sort out the planning permission

Further Prince Andrew rumours that he could only maintain a semi'. And when it was only half way up it was neither up nor down.

Clive Myrie on Mastermind keeps pronouncing Nirvana "Near-vana"

Me watching the Strictly results: "...and going through to the next round... Matey-Bobs and her off that programme"

I'm sure I threw up outside a Spanish nightclub to this #totp

@anglevictoria.bsky.social @sabinaspectabiles.bsky.social 👌🏼 #TOTP

Pasta banana Always be mine #totp

Thotally Thom!

Unpopular opinion but I loved this film. It was like a live action Viz comic strip. The US shouldn't be the only country to be allowed to make 'gross-out' films.

Never ever bloody anything ever

If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says Fifteen miles to the

I cook on gas at home and have just had to stay somewhere with an electric ceramic hob

Why are there no aspirins in the jungle? Because all the autistic people ate them

He looks like a headteacher at morning assembly, announcing that a copy of Readers Wives has been found in the boys changing room. If I was good at Photoshop, this would be marginally funnier

Somebody needs to go back to medical school

... and she said "Well, I don't think you're a fishmonger. I think you've done a plop in the wrong lavatory."

Like discerning, but funkier

Nobody commenting on how most of the "free speech" protestors are fighting age men

When I'm not posting shit, I like to womble around on beaches looking for fossils. After a good storm and low tide, I give you a collection of Eocene sharks teeth, turtle shell, crocodile scute, random bones and even a piece of swordfish snout. Swearing and dad jokes will resume now

Imagine Liz Truss has just had a lobotomy, drank a bottle of gin and then went on the radio

If Trump had looked hard enough, there's actually a birthday cards for nonces section in Clinton's. Underneath the "Sorry your cat died, Nan" shelf

AAAAAHRGGH WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Flop = cop strop

In showbiz news, Pharrell Williams recently revealed how he plans to watch every horror movie from the 'Child's Play' franchise back-to-back. "I'm up all night to watch Chucky", he said. "Fuck it, post" he also added

So he says "how would you like me to punch YOU in the balls?" an' I says back "help yourself, mate. One of them's plastic. The other one's numb from the wanking"

My son is Eight Ace

It's always "fighting age" males with this lot. Never "working age". Or "disco dancing age"

You'll never know when a person sitting next to you has a food allergy, so I always bring a peanut butter sandwich when I'm traveling by train

RIP Terence Stamp, you are with the angles in the Phantom Zone now. x

My other half on a phone call - "he needs to get his bum in gear" which I immediately misheard as "he needs to get his bumming gear"

I'm down with this. Shit off with your kid's iPad on full blast and leaving your picnic behind when you get off.

Now that the grot sites are harder to access, it's time to reintroduce a new generation to creative wanking and using your imagination. It's even online now www.freemans.com