Woody Woodpecker is a fucking menace

they invented the couch to keep you docile

text on this yt thumb reads “WHAT HAUNTED THEM?” a timeless question

doing menial tasks is really hard lately. can’t finger why that might be.

anyone trying to say they're reversing course on any of this is lying to you

We used to take pride in our ability to make camps for immigrants. We even made wonderful camps for the natives here before us! Good American camps!

“We need to reform immigration detention.” What a bold statement from the most flaccid Dick in the state.

train door opened to the platform right as the Crowbar breakdown hit

really good weather for temporarily freezing your beard

who is jake braking on the expressway past Greek town

Text messages show protester didn't like the stuff he was protesting

tell your coworker you miss them. tell them you love them. talk to the person you’ve never spoken to but think you’d get along with. we’re organizing your workplace, pal.

almost listened to all of Being There before accepting that I really just wanted to be listening to A.M.

do not let a contractor with these wheels pour your concrete slab, borrow your tools or watch your dog.

the marketing team fuckin found out about cunnilingus, call the cops. no not the regular cops

Prilosec ODB

“restrain, reform and restrict” sounds like the tag for an online inflatables store. those are verbs that titillate a guy who couldn’t sleep at slumber parties because the idea of being inside the air mattress was overwhelming.

Did you see that Greg Bovino got a new job helping bereaved parents communicate with their dead children? Yeah it says right here on the tag of his shirt he’s a Youth Medium.

I’m at Bulls-Lakers and pleased to report Joakim Noah, also in attendance, looked absolutely fucking disgusted that the United Center cheered LeBron after a big dunk

did I see The Proposal (2009) in theaters?

the most beautiful word the mind can imagine is “merganser”.

somehow he’s the worst Liverpool fan alive. reads the Sun. doesn’t know YNWA has any sort of meaning. would be exactly the sort of police leader spreading lies about reds “looting” their dead brethren.

damn… they already got Bovino on desk duty…

do the accountability part next

Theirno Barry that’s our little man!

he heard that the trees in Minnesota explode and for once in his life experienced empathy for other humans.

thanks for the memories! on this day 3 years ago I got laid off from the best paying job I’ll maybe ever have.

watched the uncles react to RATM video

listened to all of Sonic Excess In Its Purist Form on my commute again

I had not yet stopped to consider the possibility of the "I literally did not know what was going on, somehow" angle in one of these.

new york magazine has a very nasty article out about my beautiful golden throne, which they say is the only thing keeping me alive. when I'm sitting on my big beautiful throne I am NOT ASLEEP!! I am directing the beacon of the astronomican, something sleepy joe did very badly may I add

if someone gifts you a hat with upside down text…. send it back to the kitchen!

this dude will come into your local community, kill and kidnap your neighbors then enter businesses and try to “troll” from a height below sea level and then whine about how people don’t like them. no one has ever liked him in his life - the folks from his hometown in NC already confirmed this.

man where were these rams last week

Claire just came home with a guy

Nate is my favorite celeb who killed his public facing account so he could post about Palestine and do bits with Tom. he also bought malort for our charity stream and made his wife do some.

oh shit the Cadillac is comin’

I cannot express how unfathomable it is that IndyCar WAGs are getting radicalized

What a stark, horrifying demonstration of the tension a union opens itself to when it organizes security forces. If you hesitate to condemn the killing of a member, for fear of alienating the members who fired the guns, what sort of cage have you built around your union?

oh yo the porch beers are like 10-15% slush now which is the right amount

this is some good racing GTP racing for 6 hours in

Oh shit we’re getting some Rolex 24H heroic danger shit with 18 hours to go

last night Claire was watching ep 1 of Beauty and after dude gets a consultation from the chad plastic surgeon the service cuts to a commercial for hims and then more about glp-1s

fishing licenses! get your fishing licenses!

what is beautiful about endurance racing is experiencing an PM & AM golden hour in places you aren’t. looking at golden hour in Daytona rn experiencing a calmness and it’s the same for sunrise at Bathurst or Le Mans or Nurburgring 24H.

not even 15 minutes into this 24 hour event we’ve got our 2nd full course yellow

lol he’s had to pit twice for repairs