Dollar General CEO when they find another vacant Walgreens building in rural America

inside me there are two wolves: one that needs to have a productive day in the office because of an upcoming vacation, and one that needs to spend hours on Reddit dissecting the intricacies of Giannis Antetokounmpo's personal life and the impact that has on his future with the Milwaukee Bucks.

"He tells it like it is!"

BREAKING: The FBI has released images of the inscribed shell casing found at the scene of the Charlie Kirk assassination.

Want 2 free tickets to see retro pop-soul star Haley Reinhart on Sept. 16 at The Dakota? Hit repost for a chance to win!

EPSTEIN BIRTHDAY BOOK: Another shocking revelation comes to light via a leaked excerpt by a confidential source, straight from the "bawdy birthday book" given to Jeffrey Epstein by close personal friends on his 50th birthday.

Wearing this shirt at the grocery store; 70 year old woman approaches. Lady: I’m sorry but I have to ask… what is a Moo Deng? Me: *explains the concept of an internet famous pygmy hippo in Thailand* Lady: Oh I’m not on social media. So it’s like if I said “Secretariat ate my baby?” Me: Yes, 100%

melt the fucking guns

oh yeah I’m definitely staying off the internet for the rest of the day

when you boycott Cracker Barrel you’re not making some woke liberal CEO cry tears of regret inside his third vacation home, you’re harming the hard working golf tees that have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps to chase the American dream 🇺🇸🦅

decided to work from home today and it turns out the neighbors are having a very large, very precarious tree chopped down by three guys in a bucket truck… so if you need me I’ll be outside watching that 👀

my coworker notifying me that the Anoka business park poop bandit has struck again

if you listen to AI generated music you're a fucking loser

Korn’s cover of “Word Up!” is easily a top ten cover of all time 🌽

not once in my entire life have I said “oh no thanks, I’ve heard enough Billy Joel for today!” just fuckin’ keep ‘em coming

bam margera has outlived guy who thought he had died hulk hogan

He's gonna pardon Ghislaine and she's gonna say under oath Michelle Obama did January 6th.

I am incredibly honored to be the DFL endorsed candidate for Minneapolis Mayor. This endorsement is a message that Minneapolis residents are done with broken promises, vetoes, and politics as usual. It’s a mandate to build a city that works for all of us. fatehformayor.com/donate

the vehicle technology where your headlights turn on / off with the blinker is completely pointless and looks stupid

the F1 movie was fun but that Ed Sheeran song was absolute fuckin’ dog shit

*narrator voice* a stunning new BOMBSHELL has entered the villa! 😍👀 *a fucking Clydesdale horse walks in*

Local turtle lover, @lizmaebrooks.bsky.social, has notified me that the turtle scene at Loring Park is “unreal” right now 🐢

What are you doing coming to a complete stop at one of those fake parking lot stop signs? Do you need someone to come over and fuck your wife, too??

absolutely losing my mind in the comments of a Shoreview MN local government FB post over their complete banning of parking on ~any city street~ from 2AM to 5AM every single day...??? genuinely gobsmacked at the very IDEA of implementing a law like that let alone the act of actually doing it lmao

it’s a million fucking degrees so I have decided to stay inside and get stoned while watching all the mission impossible movies instead

NEW PIZZA PLACE ALERT! 🍕 Franklin Pizza just opened today! It’s in the old $5 Pizza building on E Franklin Ave near Electric Fetus! All pies are 14” with tons of specialty options and Halal meat! Also a small coffee shop attached that will be opening soon! Gave it a try and was 5 ⭐️’s!

Today's newsletter is one of the few places where you'll read about Clayton Kershaw defacing his Pride Day cap with a bible verse widely used by homophobes to discredit the LGBTQ+ community. Imagine if it was someone doing that to an American flag cap logo. www.cupofcoffeenews.com/cup-of-coffe...

god damn it why is it never Mike Love

i saw so much leadership from the mayoral candidates on site. @omarfatehmn.com talking to an upset woman who saw agents take people away. @jazzformayor.bsky.social running around trying to deescalate. @dewayneforminneapolis.com checking on the person who was injured no mayor frey

State Troopers out getting their quotas in the twin cities metro this morning! Four different vehicles pulled over on my way to work — 94/694/169!

Four years ago, I was the owner of the Reddit account that posted many of the George Floyd / Derek Chauvin bodycam, criminal charges, and subsequent guilty verdict r/News articles that were routinely on the "Front Page" of the platform. These posts were seen by hundreds of millions of people...

there’s no mental or physical anguish that a fresh bag of tortilla chips from the neighborhood Mexican market can’t cure for at least an afternoon

it’s payday 🤑 the edible hit 🤠 I’m bidding egregious amounts of money on eBay auctions for Khris Middleton cards 😇

didn’t have time to pee before Sinners last night so took a bathroom break about fifteen minutes in while they were still just driving around and turns out I missed the “lessons in eating pussy” scene ☹️

Fun Fact! Pete Rose was such an impressive youngster that at only fourteen years old, he had MLB scouts attending his games! To learn more about his story, search "Pete Rose 14-year-old" on Google! ⚾️

absolutely disgusting to reward the Mavs with the #1 pick this shit is so insanely rigged lmaooo

the New Pope says he's from Chicago but he's *actually* from Naperville

why haven’t I gotten a “Doc Fired” notification yet @mil-bucks.bsky.social?

the guy in the snapdragon commercial who uses ai to generate a bedtime story to tell his kids demonstrates that ai is really useful for inventing new and astonishing ways to be a loser

just an absurd shot from Kawhi to end the half

genuinely cannot overstate how much of a loser I think you are if you are earnestly using ChatGPT to do... literally anything? are you not capable of forming a singular creative thought?? your time is not nearly as valuable as you have deluded yourself into believing it is lmao grow up!

just an abysmal showing by the refs in this Grizzlies/Warriors game 🧑🏻‍🦯

never forget what they took from us

A Wisconsin teenager has been charged in the killing of his mother and stepfather in what the federal authorities described as an attempt to obtain the money and autonomy he believed was necessary for a plot to kill President Trump and overthrow the government.

Remember, even if Rose scores a TD on the first possession Rory still gets a chance to tie the game.

just in case you were wondering Lunds & Byerlys is sending this email out to former employees asking them to scab

Boycotting the grocery store until they start buying an equivalent volume of groceries from me