I write full time largely because of one thread about getting high with the Irish president. As cringe as it is to admit, my entire life has been massively enhanced by Twitter and ketamine over precisely the same time that those two things have proven less beneficial for Elon Musk.

RIP JILLY COOPER! A queen who wrote THE most readable books in existence. People saw my thread of epic Jilly quotes and decided I was saying the books are shite. You COULDN'T be more wrong. Go and watch Rivals today.

It's hard to know how best to mark the death of Jilly Cooper - there is no Concorde to bonk on and I don't have a horse to go and pour out my feelings to in the stables while being groped by an aristo. Perhaps just a glass of fizz and a bracing walk with an unusually sensitive dog.

As I try to get undressed and into bed without stepping on or falling over Lyly I'm absolutely certain that the cause of death on my death certificate will simply say 'cat'.

Six weeks ago, I picked up a year-old tawny owl with a broken leg off the main road near our home and dropped him off at our nearest vet. After a few days, I received one of the most bizarre phone calls I’ve ever had, asking “So when are you coming to pick up your owl?” 🧵

British politics is basically a doom spiral of increasingly unhinged hostile policies. Reform says something unhinged ⬇️ Labour counters with their own unhinged policy ⬇️ Tories shout from back they'll be even more unhinged ⬇️ Reform announces different unhinged proposal in response ⬇️ And repeat...🔁

On #Caturday I am pleased to report that the indoor cat grass has been tasted and passed muster, its only taken two weeks.

Every time I think things can't become any more insane....

Inevitable I suppose that the headlines reporting the sad news of Patricia Routledge's death describe her as "Keeping Up Appearances star". For me she will always be Kitty from Victoria Wood On TV, and Mrs Schofield in Alan Bennett's precursor to Talking Heads, A Woman Of No Importance. A sad loss.

The Richard Littlejohn quote prominently displayed on the front page of tomorrow's Daily Mail is disgraceful, hateful and completely irresponsible.

This. Absolutely this. Sending so much love to the families and friends of those caught up in this horrific attack.

Here I am in 2020 in the flimsiest, most pitful PPE - like so many other NHS staff, some of whom died from the Covid they caught in their hospitals. Tory peer Michelle Mone - who today lost her legal case & must repay the govt £122m - dares to claim she’s been ‘scapegoated’. What, Michelle? 🧵

Slightly surprised its only seven out of ten.... www.theguardian.com/world/2025/s...

Ok. They’ve pissed me off. I’m back to tell you 3 things about ID cards: 1. Migrants ALREADY HAVE biometric ID cards & govts have been trying to digitise them for years w repeated fuckups & failures causing complete chaos - they don’t work, you do not want that system for you.

I'm sorry @theguardian.com I heard the speech, it was rambling and incoherent, as far from fiery as you can get.

This is Vlad, who is demanding constant head rubs as the price of my working at the kitchen table.

Of course not isn't Farage's Clacton-house owning current partner a French National settled in the UK....

#Caturday! Yes the belly is a trap. Excuse the mess it’s also sorting out and tidy up day!

This, from Colbert, is superb youtu.be/HMGD1KCYFOw?...

I can't remember the details, and can't find them now, for my favorite Robert Redford anecdote, but: When Indecent Proposal was being discussed, someone asked a film critic if she would sleep with Robert Redford for $1 million, and she replied, "Yes, but where would I get the money?"

Just for a second, take a step back, and remember that these are the actions of a 56 year old man towards a 17 year old girl.

Jamie Raskin, "They only want to protect free speech that they agree with" JR then demolishes Farage, ending with "You might want to think twice before you let Nigel Farage Make Britain Great Again"

This is deeply sad news. Sending much love to Justine and the family, Karen and the extended Crow family and to the bookreading community here in SE London.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfre... This, absolutely this. I wrote my dissertation for my MA on Marlowe, on the basis that he is a writer who has always been misunderstood and misrepresented. #Marlowe

Wednesday's DAILY MIRROR: Britain is better than this #TomorrowsPapersToday

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

I think she may have just about forgiven me for the last 48 hours. After weeks, months, of 'domestic' issues with my home (electrics, drains etc) we've moved to stay with friends, so I can work, and she can be OK. But there are resident cats and dogs, so she's very miffed. #Caturday

Oh how I have missed the psycho gulls.

We can’t give in to nihilism and ironic detachment, that is complying in advance. Find hope and joy, and anger and spite and stay in the fucken game. We got this

Government has got this spectacularly wrong. If an organisation is breaking the law, prosecute it. But arresting people for holding up signs is a waste of police time, it's increasing support for the organisation &, above all, it's a flagrant violation of free speech. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Stupid I know, but I just love this...

This is a very on the nose comment. PSNI generally don't arrest people marching behind proscribed groups...

if I ever go properly "screaming about nothing in particular in the street" mad it will be due to having spent too much time having read about the opinions of men who have absolutely never cared about women's rights for one moment in their lives but decided to pretend just for the sake of racism

The mistake was proscribing Palestine Action. Having done that, they’ve backed themselves into a corner which can only result in their looking oppressive and authoritarian.

BBC now saying at least 365 have been arrested '... the Metropolitan Police said anyone there who held a placard expressing support for the group "was either arrested or is in the process of being arrested".' FFS we can hardly get the police to engage if we're burgled or attached.

Why is it that the free speech implications are obvious to everyone but our government? Also on a practical level, as the police, courts & prisons are all at breaking point, how is prosecuting peaceful protestors a sensible, reasonable or appropriate action? www.theguardian.com/world/2025/a...

This is reckless, myopic & devastating. I've just worked on a documentary filmed in Alaska about the walrus, coming to Nature in the US in October. The beauty, fragility & significance of this reserve in supporting the biosphere shines through every frame. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Have I missed something, as I thought it was generally accepted that Dresden was a war crime? www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

Terribly sorry that the chaps are lonely again, have they tried volunteering? Only, there’s an awful lot needs done.

To everyone complaining about Mike Read on the last ep, I have news for you, Simon Bates is worse. #TOTP

Lady in Red, a crime against all that is good and true in the world #TOTP

Just watching the interview with Ruth Wasserman Lande on #C4News where she's spent her time trying to persuade us that the sky is green. Apparently internal polls show that 70% of Israeli's don't support the actions against Gaza, sadly the 30% who do are demented.

Catching up with #Newsnight I can't believe that I am agreeing with Jo Swinson, but the government do seem to conflating protest, even criminal protest, with terrorism. I'm thinking about Greenham Common & trying to cut down the perimeter fence, that's criminal damage not terrorism.

On the eve of his funeral, I've been thinking about this. I worked across this series, & Ozzy was probably our funniest, most honest & most delightful guest. Adding, this was made 25 years ago, but watching the first 10 mins it feels about more like 1000 years ago. youtu.be/PwawHO9FvFI?...

Opposing genocide isn’t anti-semitic. Every word of this. Jon Stewart: “I feel I’m watching something so self-evidently inhumane & horrific and to be told I have to shut up because I risk the Jewish state? They’re putting the likelihood of a surviving Jewish state much more at risk.” #Gaza

Zia Yusuf is talking absolute bollocks on #Newsnight and yes, Matt Chorley, the other panel members should point that out which is not 'ganging up' on him.

So Gordon Sondland is basically supporting starvation of the Gazans to be followed by ethic cleansing. Ghastly. #Newsnight.