I’m not sure I’m allowed to celebrate 420 day in Portugal. They think it’s 204 here

We have some red rump swallows that have built a nest in our backyard and I’ve felt uncomfortable every time I’ve pointed them out by name to a guest

Hey. Bluesky is working again. Been dead all day here in Portugal.

Dennis Duffy: “I’m a fiscal catholic but social protestant.”

I know there’s a thousand other issues that are more pressing but genuinely who the fuck doordashes mcdonalds? McDonalds is a place you end up, it isn’t a place you choose.

I just spent more for 8 cups of yogurt, a small tub of hummus, and a frozen pizza than I did for my EKG/ECG tests today. Living in Portugal is a far cry from my life in the states.

Inexplicably the party I visited in Conceição Portugal just now had 8 people sitting in a row who last year all lived between the range of states between Iowa and Ohio and none of us knew each other yesterday.

@theverge.com I’m gonna say that the hype desk is not something I’m going to listen to. I love that you all are journalists and not on the tech company’s payroll. I’m really disappointed that you’re compromising what you’ve built to do some covert advertising. I’m a subscriber is there a no HD feed?

Taxes are done, time to have a beverage

@reckless.bsky.social Any chance your ABA keynote will be available to catch online? I’m much too far to make it to Chicago to attend in person but I wanna see what you said to the bar association even if I can’t claim it as a CLE.

“I once went to war against Iran for reasons which are still unclear, yet also made a deal to buy $14bn worth of oil from the same country” David Mitchell: “Why? WHY would you buy $14bn of oil? What do you need it for?” “I borrowed a bike from Cheryl Baker and it has a squeak.”

Pretty sure the primary memory I have of Chuck Norris was The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny from the Newgrounds days. www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/...

Every time I open up instagram it repeatedly serves me ads for bespoke cum towels. On the one hand, I’m glad the machines think enough of my prowess that they think sex fluids are a big nuisance for me. But I hate they think I’m the type of person who would buy a specific towel for the situation

Our offer on a house in Cabanas has been accepted so I’ll be a homeowner again in just a couple months.

I’m way too many hours deep into slay the spire 2 to still not have a clue how to win with the regent. Impossible

I’m so fucking sick of my iPhone autocorrecting “sorry” to “Siri” every goddamn time.

The gas station by my house raised their price overnight and again this afternoon. That’s a good sign that this whole things probably about to blow over

It would appear that I misunderstood how we are intended to supposed to celebrate International Women’s Day. I apologize profusely for any pain that my actions may have caused. *begins untucking/untaping self but with a sense of solemnity*

ME: pack a bag, we’re flying to kansas MY WAYWARD SON: what kind of bag

Ugh, I ate half a sandwich from KFC for lunch before concluding it wasn't cooked thoroughly and tossing the rest. My stomach already sounds like I swallowed a nervous basset hound whole. It's going to be a long evening I fear.

Oh no you guys. My zeal for terrible sandwiches, coffee from an urn, and masturbation has finally caught up with me.

I had someone ask if I was Canadian today. They were so apologetic about getting it wrong and I was just like “oh my goodness, do you think I pass as Canadian? Really? Oh god. Thank you so much!”

This is embarrassing to admit but I don’t know where to turn. You see, I have a structured settlement but I need cash now. Any ideas where I can turn?

How dare my 7 year old call my wife and I cringe and then unironically watch this excruciating Disney movie musical with these white teens repeatedly descending into just the most vile hip hop pieces?

I was going to say Matthew Sweet but I forgot I went to high school with Alex Gordon who probably has a few more fans that remember him.

Logged on Overwatch for first time in years saw many new playable characters. Surprised Blizzard returned to the 00s pitch of "here's a hot lady w giant bazoingas, don't worry we made sure she had platinum armor covering her goombas but otherwise her torso is completely bare, no vital organs there"

Oh, you think you walk the path of Christ? Name one sex worker who would weep over your death

Watching the BBC Olympic coverage means about 95% fewer ads than watching the American coverage but I don't get nearly as much Snoop Dog so swings and roundabouts.

Gosh it’s gotta be upsetting to both France and Italy that the US was much better dressed then either of them. #openingceremony (Pretty sure that’ll be the last time I praise the US in 2026)

Unforced error of the day: my son was talking about one of his friends and I made the mistake of asking him “Wait, which one is Jack? He’s the one with the hot mom, right?”

Waking up and reading about the grammys. I’m officially confused how Chappell Roan’s Grammy dress actually works. The sheer bit seems to be obfuscating her bits but somehow the rings are holding up the gown? I guess the rings must be part of the dress itself? I don’t think i could pull the look off

Listen, I don’t like the guy and I certainly don’t understand why he’s orange now. But I’ll give him this: that outfit would absolutely be dope as fuck to wear for Pitt Homecoming

Just saw an ad on insta for a job that pays $46,000 a year to remotely make music playlists for people. Makes me wonder who is dumb enough to buy that nonsense.

I’ve been living in Portugal for 5 months now. Objectively the food here is worlds better than what I’d grown accustomed to living in Iowa. Food here is nicer, safer, and healthier than in the States…. That said, Portugal has (sadly) not figured out how to do texmex well at all.

Well, seems I’m going to use Omar Epps reaction gifs a lot less frequently going forward.

Piper looking great in her new technicolor glamour shot from Riot Girl Erin.

I’m being accused of unparalleled ableism today on the bluesky for making a joke that the music streaming services should occasionally prevent users from listening to the music that came out around the time they were 20 to forces them to listen to new music. This place is unhinged some days.

The crotchal integrity of these pants has deteriorated to a level that I can no longer ignore. It’s with a heavy heart that I must conclude: I need to shop for a new pair of jeans.

There’s days where I appreciate that I left the US & then there’s days where I’m absolutely gd over the moon that I’m out. I know it doesn’t change what’s happening, but god it’s way easier to ride this out on a beach in Europe. Can’t even imagine what would make me consider returning at this point

Watching an older episode of Great British Bake Off with Matt Lucas as one of the presenters. It’s astounding how excruciatingly unpleasant he is to watch perform. I feel like I should make my kids watch so they can reassess how ‘cringe’ I truly am when compared to this hobgoblin of mediocrity.

Lana del the funky homosapien rey

Gift exchange is complete. The kids got so much stuff I’m going to have to buy them both new shelving to store all this stuff. Feliz natal

Are they doing Christmas Barbenheimer everywhere or is this just happening in Portugal? These posters are all over Tavira all the sudden even though we don’t have a movie theater in town any more.

The Apple Weather app says it’s not going to rain today. Weather underground says it’s more likely than not. Guess we’ll see who’s wrong (hint: the Apple weather app is terrible so probably it)

Are there any good christmas movies besides Home Alone and Die Hard? My kids want to watch another xmas movie and we have already watched Home Alone this week and I don't think my 7 year old is quite ready for her first trip to Nakatomi Tower just yet.

Finally been to the same place here enough times that I have a guy who knows my “regular.” It’s a zero percent surprise that it’s the guy at the donner kebab place near my house.

So, @profanity.accountant I once dated a children’s librarian who told me that she reduced her swearing around me cause I so seldom swore. But that was before that one guy got elected (either time) and before I’d been a public defender for over a decade. How vulgar am I these days?

Getting ready for our first Thanksgiving in Portugal. Didn’t track down full turkeys so we’re doing two roast chicken instead (which I think is probably a lateral move but I’m sure the kids would prefer the OG bird). But we figured out all the other staples. Fingers crossed.

I dunno, maybe I’m an idiot but the Steelers offense looks a bit more effective with Mason at the helm.

Will I ever get over my anger at Apple for killing Dark Sky? The Apple Weather app fucking sucks and they bought and then destroyed the only decent app on the platform. The weather app is saying clear sky and 0% precipitation chance. Meanwhile it’s been raining for 15 min. and will be for another 30