People have the memory of a fish.

Change?

Hold your nerve guys, Burnham will pivot left as soon as we get him into power! He’s just being strategic!

The pol profs are saying he’s going to be the most left wing PM since Harold Wilson

This Mainstream ‘radical realism’ Faction seems to be working out as planned

Keep getting Resident Evil and Resident Advisor confused and it’s really impacting on my ability to get into nightclubs

I actually think ChatGPT is good because it tells me what I need to hear (it’s ok to have voted for Sir Keir Starmer’s Labour Party)

Wonder how this will play with the voters of Ellesmere Port

*BREAKING* 🚨 Keir Starmer has called for the immediate destruction of Cuddles the baby Aardvark after reports he has contracted bovine tuberculosis.

There’s a new button on the self checkout machine that says ‘blood discount’ so I pressed it and the machine asked me to put my arm in this vice and it drained a litre of my blood (tried to break free but couldn’t) and gave me 5% off my bill and 1000 nectar points. Weird.

Weirdest thing just happened to me and my other half… We drove to the petrol station and Seumas Milne appeared out of nowhere and, quick as a flash, filled up our car with petrol. Asked how much I owed him and he winked at me and whispered, ‘don’t worry. This one’s on Putin’. How odd!

Has a helicopter ever successfully taken off in a resident evil game?

‘Reserved’ is an odd way of saying ‘giving public money to private corps so they can spend it all on big yachts and shrug when you ask them why they didn’t build social housing with it’

You know who else capped prices and froze rents? Nixon. www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/ex...

Quote with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap. youtu.be/Ya6iEb7l1iE?...

“Think back to your childhood. Do you remember when the anxiety started?”

I am not sorry to be looking forward to 30 degrees next week.

Wonder why all these Corbynites joined the Green Party and are seeking to engage in its *constitutional democratic structures*? Wonder what these guys were saying when Starmer *unconstitutionally* purged the left so viciously and comprehensively that his own faction can’t even unseat him today?

Listened to @bloodwork.show down the Masonic Lodge with the lads earlier and it inspired me to redouble my efforts in the fight against conspiratorial thinking so I can finally uncover the truth (Andy Burnham is a secret Yorkshireman)

I was just celebrating Steely Dan Day smh

Wait til Andy Burnham overplays his northern credentials and is no longer of use to the media class who want Starmer gone…they’ll come for him. I’m telling you! He’ll go from being King in the North to Bovril Bolshevik overnight!

Can’t believe no one else is talking about the fact that Andy Burnham is secretly from Yorkshire

I’d take this over Citizen Kane any day. It genuinely broke Newgrounds *standing ovation, roses thrown on stage* THANKYOU YOU’RE TOO KIND!

TFW it’s your turn to hold the briefcase

Has Starmer replaced McSweeney with Kremlin Stooge Seumus Milne?!! Outrageous!

Ordered a new Pangolin to luxuriate under when the heatwave arrives. So excited!!!

Whooooo remembers the price of food and drink in Parliamentary bars and cafes

Listen we all live in a free market and we have to allow the invisible hand to decide the value of things without any state intervention messing things up

Govt: ‘I mean, you don’t have to cus hey if we forced you to that would be communism, but it’d be nice if you capped your prices cus 1 in 4 kids currently live in poverty in the UK’ CEO: *looks back with dead salmon eyes and sings ‘we’re in the money’ under breath* youtu.be/I3q-zBLZEW4?...

OMG HE’S JUST ANNOUNCED HE’S REBOOTING CHANGEUK AND RUNNING ON A PLATFORM OF NATIONAL RENEWAL! GAME ON!

What plans?

Correction: I’m rly sorry this is actually incorrect. This is quite embarrassing actually. I confused myself because Vic Reeves’ real name is Jim Mwah and Rachel Reeves runs the economy so well that every time I see her on the telly I go ‘mwah’ and make the chefs kiss gesture 👌

New resident evil game might actually be too scary for me

The only good thing about the fact my 5yo son has started waking up at 5.30am every morning is that it gives me more time to gather evidence to prove that Andy Burnham is a #secretyorkshireman

OMG JUST FOUND OUT RACHEL REEVES IS VIC REEVES’ OLDER SISTER. BOTH FROM LEEDS TOO! HOW FUNNY!

Why hasn’t Rachel Reeves thrown her hat in the ring yet? Unruffleable, confident, interested in graphs and Freeports. A decade of Reeves could be just what this country needs

Listen, I’m as surprised as you are…but the real question is…when will he throw his hat in the ring?

Democracy manifest etc. wonder how much say the CLP had in this

Alex Garland’s Event Horizon (2026)

Honestly, at this stage Sultana and Corbyn quietly returning to their roles making ineffectual interventions on the backbenches and in the SCG would be a pretty apt ending for Your Party

It’s all intensely dire but Keir Starmer staying rooted in place because of the Stalinist rules set down to keep him in place while all the underling vermin who helped him achieve this find out it also stops them advancing is a cracking outcome

Yeeeeesss! Imagine him in all his army stuff holding his big gun yelling ‘it’s time to rejoin the EU’ in meetings with European politicians! 🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺🇪🇺

Bluesky is such a weird bubble. People here are not eager to sacrifice their children to ba'al - something extremely popular in the group chat, on X the everything app, and in Ohio diners

I always remember Liz Kendall as having managed to get just 4% of the membership to vote for her in 2015…but credit where credit is due, she got an extra 0.5% over Streeting’s projections!

Average Labour Party MP

Terrible problems you got there, absolutely loving the causes though! Very cool!

Can’t believe empirical data would betray Jortes like this

They’ll tell you there’s a #vibecession going on when the cost of living crisis is *real*, all whilst promoting a vibes based rehash of social democracy with no material content or policy platform

In a statement made earlier Burnham remarked that ‘the people of Yorkshire have suffered for too long without a tram network, which is criminal really as Leeds is much better than Manchester where it rains all the time and people are still obsessed with music written by reactionary men from the 80s’