Our Chuck Norris just told us he killed the other one. It was a Highlander situation. If you’re unfamiliar with Highlander, think Jet Li’s The One

Gonna hold on to this croissant metaphor for the rest of my creative life

all these netanyahu excuses for him missing meetings is like when a character on a show get pregnant in real life and gotta be gone for a couple eps like sureeeee jess got stuck on a jury 😉

🐐 🐐🐐🐐

Life tonight gonna be more fun for us folks on the right

whenever I see teenagers working at a movie theater

30 Rock was the greatest show . . .

lemme get this car cleaned out before I sell it lat— WHAT THE HELL

dude at pickup called offensive foul on a screen and I told him if we start calling that we’ll find ourselves in an Oppenheimer situation we can’t come back from He was on my team and we won, but society will fall apart if we don’t shut down bad things, even if they help us

Us Alani folks not like them ghetto Monster, Red Bull, or Celsius folks. We are classily energized

watching the replacements shaking my head every time these scabs do something funny so people know I disagree with crossing picket lines

KD gettin flambéed on the other app if you interested in that sort of thing

🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨

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simply cannot watch the patriots only be bad for 7 years after losing hall of famers and win a Super Bowl. That would be bad for my psyche

never seen a monkeypaw hit a fanbase so fast

watching your team lose a heartbreaker playoff game with romo on the call would have me at 11 on the crash out scale

Bo Nix doing Josh Allen stuff (compliment) and Josh Allen doing Josh Allen stuff (derogatory)

my mom look great so I forget she in her late 60s till she say shit like “ooo the masked singer bout to come on”

That first Nazgûl who lost Frodo right outside the Shire fucking choked

homegirl trying to be qb1 instead of doing the push shot did zero Dr Pepper research

just wanted to drop by to let you know about the gospel of jonathan taylor and how he’s saved me

just wanted to pull up over here to say the Indianapolis colts

idk if yall heard but daniel jones and the indianapolis colts

Raiders defense Mark Sanchez 🤝 Gettin carved up in downtown Indy

*me staring off in intense serious thought* Gf: what’s wrong babe? You thinking about John Cena being a Toretto again? Me: IT’S JUST THAT HE’S NOT THE SAME TYPE OF CAUCASIAN AS DOM AND MIA

Regardless of how you feel about Marvel, part of why Black Panther was so sick was the album they released for it. You telling me a comic book movie had Kendrick produce an album? Damn

legacy music media about 1991: pivotal year for music, you had Nirvana and Pearl Jam and grunge and college radio and metal and hip-hop hitting it big, so much great stuff to choose from me: go ninja go ninja go

How did this happen?

Went to D.C. for the first time. It was…interesting

movie soundtracks used to be taken so seriously. like why did bobby brown make such a banger for ghostbusters 2

the abbreviations my son send me in text be whooping my ass

Pretty fun Friday night hosting for your boy. Shoutout to the loft

a good litmus test is everyone who sucks is fine with all this. there have been ZERO surprises

Super Bowl on the way for Dimes

Nobody: MJ & Eminem:

every company that makes me communicate with ai instead of an alive human person

rip to everyone whos become delusional after talking to chatgpt but im built different. like actually different. according to chatgpt im some kind of god. the one who decides

need to find this fit for halloween so I have to explain who I am all night

BIG TIME COLLEGE FOOTBALL THIS SATURDAY. SIRI PLAY ‘DEVIL TOWN’

asking them the real questions this nation wants to know

There’s a rumor that happens to be true that I’ll be the host for this show at the beginning of next month, and you 🫵🏿should be there 🤷🏿‍♂️ 🎟️: phoenix.standuplive.com/events/104761

most unrealistic part of Weapons is the 6 black kids in one 3rd grade class at THAT school

Well I haven't been paying attention to conference news or much ncaa news for the past few months, time to open up the ol' bluesky and --- TEXAS STATE???

this probably what the cast of greys anatomy look like now

Roger Goodell always has a deep sadness on his face like he’s about to read the ransom note for his son on tv

this why god don’t talk to us anymore

this is true and also taco bell would kill a french person on contact

once we let the man up the price of the beefy 5 layer from 89¢ to $4 we shoulda knew they didn’t respect the working folk. the french woulda burned some shit down