Bill Clinton gotta pull up with a half and half jersey

guy who’s only seen shaolin soccer watching the world cup: this is nothing like shaolin soccer

Pat Riley trying to get Bron to come back to Miami by fixing the cookie thing

why couldn’t they split up the Messi, Mbappe, and Hollandaise? (A terrible joke that was impossible to not do)

Ghostbustering the O in your name is so sick. Let’s all ghostbuster our O’s

appreciate how soccer refs kinda don’t fall for the bullshit. tony brothers fuck this whole tourney up

gotta say, I really didn’t expect the minions to be this big a part of our lives for this long

feel bad for Australia having to go home, I bet they felt so comfortable around our normal sized spiders

I know jump balls in the red zone are uncouth now but team usa should keep kicking jump balls to the former nfl wrs son

if usa go up 3-0 australia should get to put their buffest kangaroo on the field

Valid, man.

YOU CAN STILL TELL YOUR FAMILY AUSTRALIA DUDE

me trying to start a conversation with a Panama fan: “so that canal in 1914 huh?”

dawg i FUCKIN LOVE pointing at a store and telling people what store used to be there a couple years ago

Did a joke about my baby and whatever treason is

homie brought me a shirt from a vendor in ny while they were out there. WHO ARE THESE NIGGAS??! 😂😂

Legitimately going bankrupt buying Knicks championship merch

when you win the nba cup and nba finals in the same season you should get a special 3rd banner that’s holographic like a Pokémon card

Yeah yeah go draw a picture in the park frenchie

Wemby trying to be philosophical at the post game L press conference

🪨 🇺🇸 🦅

the one season I played soccer I did get the nickname of own goal which is very funny and very mean to say about a 4 year old

if I score a own goal in the world cup I’m still telling my grandkids I scored, they ain’t gotta know the rest

James Dolan doing interviews all day

our baby love when I pick him up and use him as a gun but only if I make noises like a westside gunn gun

almost down 20lbs in the last 2 months cuz apparently all you have to do is workout AND not eat 1000 calories right before bed. science is dumb

we were never meant to see this many takes from each other—takes have broken contain—takes used to only be meant for: lunch at school or work barbershop holidays We’re in takes overload and the server can’t handle it

as a comedy lover okc getting the #1 pick is obviously the most hilarious option that I wanna see, but if they don’t get it, I think Indiana should cuz they deserve it

the baby’s new bouncer use delta airlines font and it’s all I can focus on. it’s like gosling in the avatar snl sketch It’s actually driving me insane

Our Chuck Norris just told us he killed the other one. It was a Highlander situation. If you’re unfamiliar with Highlander, think Jet Li’s The One

Gonna hold on to this croissant metaphor for the rest of my creative life

all these netanyahu excuses for him missing meetings is like when a character on a show get pregnant in real life and gotta be gone for a couple eps like sureeeee jess got stuck on a jury 😉

🐐 🐐🐐🐐

Life tonight gonna be more fun for us folks on the right

whenever I see teenagers working at a movie theater

30 Rock was the greatest show . . .

lemme get this car cleaned out before I sell it lat— WHAT THE HELL

dude at pickup called offensive foul on a screen and I told him if we start calling that we’ll find ourselves in an Oppenheimer situation we can’t come back from He was on my team and we won, but society will fall apart if we don’t shut down bad things, even if they help us

Us Alani folks not like them ghetto Monster, Red Bull, or Celsius folks. We are classily energized

watching the replacements shaking my head every time these scabs do something funny so people know I disagree with crossing picket lines

KD gettin flambéed on the other app if you interested in that sort of thing

🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨 🚨KICKER MVP WATCH🚨

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simply cannot watch the patriots only be bad for 7 years after losing hall of famers and win a Super Bowl. That would be bad for my psyche

never seen a monkeypaw hit a fanbase so fast

watching your team lose a heartbreaker playoff game with romo on the call would have me at 11 on the crash out scale

Bo Nix doing Josh Allen stuff (compliment) and Josh Allen doing Josh Allen stuff (derogatory)

my mom look great so I forget she in her late 60s till she say shit like “ooo the masked singer bout to come on”

That first Nazgûl who lost Frodo right outside the Shire fucking choked