Gonna skip frying a turkey and just burn down part of the garage

Learning important things about literature over on TikTok

The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good boy with a guy

Lol he totally killed that guy

After their resounding victory in Tuesday’s elections, the Democrats had no choice but to surrender.

Folding in negotiations and receiving nothing in return after a significant victory is the Democratic Party I know

You should have to know scary people to bet on sports. Draftkings isn’t going to show up at your mom’s house on thanksgiving and threaten to break your legs and frankly that’s the problem

The main thing to remember about Dick Chaney is he was such an evil piece of shit that when he shot another guy in the face that guy apologized to him

The left loves to talk about representation but a member of the moronic alcoholic community gets a seat on the supreme court and all of a sudden we’re tone policing

So far tonight there’s even fewer trick or treaters than last night. Do people only care about it on Halloween now?

Baseball is the most likely place in sports to hear/see someone described as a “real class act”

Forgot to get candy so each kid is getting a single page torn out of Blood Meridian

Me [seeing Growing Up Millennial category on Netflix] ugh, bullshit nostalgia 2 minutes later Me: A lot of good movies on here. Golden Age of Cinema, really

Been such a shit year this is objectively the best thing that’s happened

We’re almost there, guys. Just keep posting data from the bureau of labor statistics and eventually conservatives will be broken on the wheel of logic

A portion of the electorate needs to feel some pain. You can’t consistently vote for the anti-government party and expect your opponent—the only party that still assumes some duty to govern responsibly—to bail you out

Everyone is talking about how ICE can’t find new recruits because they’re too fat but those reports overlook how many guys they have to can for constantly googling some variation of “Goku nude”

A line of cars including an ambulance with sirens blaring as I try and fail for the 4th time to reverse park my Ford F350 in the handicap spot in front of the rub and tug

That he’s treating the white house like one of his gaudy fucking casinos is the strongest evidence so far he’s never leaving

My dream job is person who just chimes into emails reminding others to copy them while never actually contributing anything

If you came over from the other site and found me, just know I’m the same great guy and still have the same great opinions, like it would be amazing to cook and eat an Ewok

So what if my protein powder has lead in it? Hasn’t hurt my brain one umbrellas purple milkshake argbhdlrm

Can anyone recommend a reading list for people who already completed high school?

Oklahoma State has the chance to do the funniest, most Oklahoma State thing possible right now

So what? Taylor Swift wrote a song about my penis, too. It’s called the Smallest Man Who Ever Lived. It was on the last album

ICE offering student loan forgiveness as if the knuckle dragging goons shoving landscapers into vans have a lot of that to worry about

Jane Goodall was a huge influence on my and my family. My two sons, Bongo and Chunk, are flinging poo at an 8th grade level because of her

Every republican campaign ad is some guy addressing a fake problem: If you’re tired of reanimated corpses being drafted into the ghoul army to stealing your bibles, vote for me, type shit

I made $50,000 doing woodworking projects this year, most of which came from a lawsuit I filed after losing my thumb in a table saw accident

I have nothing but respect for how willing the NFL is to put it’s insatiable greed before the narrow cultural bigotries of its most devout fans

To be fair, being consistently told things that don’t match with objective facts is the baseline conservative experience

They’re never going back after getting a taste of true fascism and the nominal opposition party cant even bring itself to call this what it really is let alone offer a compelling alternative or meaningful resistance. We are well and truly fucked

Just saw One Battle After Another. Really incredible movie. Easily PTA’s funniest and his most exhilarating since Boogie Nights

RFK: [sounding like car wash vacuum catching rubber floor mat]: The evidence is overwhelming that ADHD is caused by…eh…fuck it, Tums. It’s caused by Tums. Who gives a shit

Glad we’re getting back to traditional treatments for pregnancy related pain, like the grain alcohol RFK and Trump’s moms both drank daily

I’ve never rooted for a rapture so strongly as I am this time around. Please God, free us from these self-righteous, ignorant fuckwads as soon as possible

The only Spoon album listed as “essential” on Apple Music is Kill the Moonlight when there’s at least two other ones that should be on there

"We have to cancel kristallnacht 2.0 because the guy was one of the people we were grooming to take part in it" is a heck of a twist to be sure

Today’s immigrants should come here like my Irish great grandfather did: hidden in a barrel of rotten cabbage and fleeing charges of goat sodomy

Heaven Knows I’m Marketable Now

They could just make a body double using 300 odd pounds of moldering ham chunks and I don’t think most people would notice

What’s the opposite of going to church and lighting a candle for someone?

About to start smoking, for my health

Old timey conservatives: businesses should be free from government interference Modern conservatives: we should force every family restaurant to have at least one slur in its name

My kid’s 3rd grade class is just 22 little boys named Wyatt

Shutting down the mRNA program and needlessly scrapping two carbon monitoring satellites is just death cult shit

Pretty telling that MAGA Republicans, a group that claims to be animated in large part by a desire to root out child molesters, is most reluctant to see some actual evidence here

Walters pictured here after emerging from “epic jack sesh” in taxpayer funded goon cave oklahomavoice.com/2025/07/29/s...

Same. My enemies are always breaking into my office to stream big bush porn on the TV in there for Reasons