I wanna be like Reacher when he uses his size and work experience to fuck up people who abuse women but not enough people are intimidated by a 5'2 stage manager.

Summer hair

Animal Crossing.

Shoutouts to voice-to-text for correctly translating my two syllable pile of vowels to "I don't know".

I posted a comment on some guys art style and was called an "autistic like rainman" and a "pussybro bitch"? And then they blocked me before I could ask what the fuck they're talking about? All socials turn into Twitter, why am I even giving the Internet another chance.

OMGGGGG!!!

I can feel the weight of the bags under my eyes.

Neat.

... Did I win?

I just want one last Labatt before the total embargo.

…

I don’t wear cargo khakis because I’m 39 and a father, I wear them so I have somewhere to keep my snacks.

Got over the flu, now it's left me with this sweet sinus infection.

Flow has won the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature! Congratulations to Gints Zilbalodis and the entire crew of the film!

New "disorder" just dropped

My children have lost my copy of animal crossing. My partners preordered that game _and_ bought me a switch to play it on. These kids about to buy me a new game.

I've started playing Cozy Grove again. I appreciate the fuck out of this game lately.

Hi Friends do your thing for the algo. I’m adding shows in these cities and presale starts tomorrow. If you want to join the presale waitlist scroll to the bottom of my site and add your name to the city. JoshJohnsonComedy.com 💐

Current mood

Y'all, don't talk shit about RFKj's voice. He has an actual health issue that has nothing to do with vaccines, Jews, or wildlife. Talk shit about the things he chooses to say with his voice about the vaccines, the Jews, and the wildlife.

Why are so many audiobooks read by men with film noir transatlantic accents and how do I make them stop

It is done!

My kids keep calling me a penguin because I wear black and white and waddle a little and flap my hands when I'm excited and happy-cried when @hirotdk.bsky.social brought me a cool rock he found at work.

It is snowing in Tallahassee. Hell is literally freezing over. A lot of weird hypotheticals are about to happen.

Just a reminder.

The dress I'm wearing today has pockets. That is all.

One @joshjohnsoncomedy.bsky.social

In light of the most recent "my hero is a monster" disaster, gonna have to ask @gabrielurbina.bsky.social and @planetoffinks.bsky.social not to be absolute fucking villains, I can't lose you too.

Why does the request to be excused from jury duty include"I am a caregiver for a person who cannot take care of themself"but not"I need caregiving because I cannot take care of myself"? But by all means, put me up there to be the guy who goes into the conference room like "I understood none of that"

2000s pop-punk is my shit

I wonder if our Boomer parents know that their millennial kids are quite as disappointed in them as they are in us.

What the fuck?

Today's mood

Thinking of adding mushrooms on the lower right

In this day and age, living in a place that - you like, - you can afford, - you can find a job, - you have family/friends, - you feel safe, and - you *are* safe from natural disasters/bad laws/worse is luxury and privilege. Almost no one gets to check all the boxes. So maybe don’t be an asshole.

Insomnia is so boring

Official request for Alan Ritchson to do the audiobook for Killing Floor. It's the only one (I think) told in first person, he doesn't even have to commit to the whole series. ... Please dude.

I -love- sitting outside in the cold, all bundled up, drinking steamy coffee and listening to the wind at night and the animals before sunrise.

Bills are kinda bullshit. I don't want to make car payments, I want more books.

WIP Hobbit House in a giant wine barrel

www.iflscience.com/why-do-some-... Opened it to see if the whole article just said "The Fae," stayed because it was actually pretty interesting.

My mother in law finding out her Lego Groot has possible hands...