Dental surgery is like doing the worst edible of your life, having some dude jingle his keys against your uvula for an hour, and then your whole mouth tastes like Old Buick for the rest of the day

He’s looking like a soft boiled Chrétien

Do other people not take their shoes off at the dentist?

> go to victims of Carnunism memorial > it’s just PP

You can tell Gen X failed at the “end of history” by how we now need Billy Joel to make a new version of We Didn’t Start the Fire every two or three weeks

I made it all the way to the apocalypse without learning IPv6

Is it better or worse to be 400,000 KM away when WWIII starts?

This is what NASA is trying to hide

Artemis II mission captures first pictures of the far side of the Moon.

The only “Brent Crude” I care about

On the bright side perhaps the abrupt shortages of diesel, fertilizer, and water will destroy all golf courses

The male human genitalia is named after its discoverer, John Penis

Now that the FCC is making routers illegal it’s a good time to learn how to turn any crappy computer with more than one network jack into a janky linux packet mangling box 😎🤌

I was at the airplane museum in Ohio and there was a Guy beside the V-22. I asked him if they were safe because of all the crashing they love to do. He said no, they’re really really safe. Then I asked him if he crashed his. He proudly said yes.

Congrats rob ford on 10 years sober

Why can’t they make an electric car that makes the THX sound when you floor it?

cheap prick goals. The kind of shit my parents used to, not because they couldn’t afford food, just pure love of the game. 🤌

*yogurt commercial music* *stock shot of a white 2018 Honda CRV* When it comes to counterterrorism and national security Moms Know Best

The spin class blasting a creedesque buttrock cover of the chain has permanently cursed this gym

Cinema

Watching America, whose entire thing is Doing War, starting a war and faceplanting this fucking hard: youtu.be/s4GAj2v4BIE

In my home country the government gives everybody jet lag twice a year for no reason

i”m just here to establish a paper trail to plead insanity for when they try and draft me. I’d rather live in the looney bin than die for some rich prick’s oil stocks tbh

2021-2024: the Intersteven era

Reality is bifurcated by the two Realms of Steven: We were in the King decade 2015-2025. “epic fury” puts us in the Seagal decade 2026-?

when a mormon dies do they get buried in the magic undies? Or is the magic done at that point? Like they gotta be in those shits for eternity?

dammit I just finished moving everything to systemd timers and now this shit???

The lord’s perfect child E. coli bacteria Divine biofilm #haiku

It’s where you go for beef jerky, air conditioners, cheap tools, BB guns, potted plants, low quality kitchen knives, overpriced vacuum cleaners, hockey skates, and keys cut. Never tires though, that’s a Costco thing

“You can’t make me pay back the money I scammed from you because I’ll go broke” - Bernie Madoff

Hole milk just hits different jortsed up in the tub - a sentence that would have you thrown in grippy sock jail in 2016

Just watched the Weiner-mobile pick up someone from the airport

Reminder, here is how Skeleton is scored: - the bones are their money - so are the worms - the bones equal dollars - they will pull your hair up but not out - all they want is another chance at life

Joe’s balloon was so much bigger than Don’s. Makes me wonder what kind of mylar Mark from up north is packin

Sometimes I think about the smart and respected boomers in my life, and then I think of how much smarter they would be if Thomas Midgley Jr was never born

To be clear: I don't want to be in an emergency situation... But: my dream is to pull a fire alarm someday

Good news everybody, Canada’s most trusted rodent prognosticates an early spring!

Ignorance is bliss. And bliss is a fuzzy toilet seat cover. Which is also ignorance.

Strapping up so I don’t take 20,000 volts to the face when the cat sits on my lap

Wiarton Willie better not fuck this up… the consequences have never been so severe

The sopranos is just Trailer Park Boys for New Jersey

how it feels to be the only person in the entire world who doesn't use microsoft for email

Microsoft has finally found a solution that blocks 100% of inbound spam email

Ted Cruz is going to the god damn moon for this one apnews.com/article/wint...

Carney should have been a limp progressive conservative PM in boring times full of dull technocratic slow news days. He should have had his own Mike Duffy Swiss Chalet scandal. But my guy is telling the whole world Canada is about to go 1814 again lmfao