Today feels like a good day to burn some bridges.

IT SAUTES! AND SEARS! IT SLOW COOKS AND HAS A BUTTON FOR QUINOA. I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER EATEN QUINOA IN MY LIFE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SOCIETY IS TRYING TO PEER PRESSURE ME INTO IT MUCH LIKE KALE BUT IF I WANTED TO, IT HAS A WHOLE BUTTON FOR IT.

I've been waxing poetically about @alwayscoffee.bsky.social for a decade and I'll continue for the rest of my decades because y'all. My girl. She is brilliant and kind and loyal and wise and funny and the purest of magics and I'm so bloody grateful for her.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT ALT TEXTING JUST THIS ONCE

I have nearly killed myself with overtime the last few months but also we got 18's girlfriend here and we are 48 hours from move in day and you know. That's not too shabby for a girl who a handful of months ago needed help just feeding her family.

Alright, lovelies. It's Friday morning. Auntie is a week from move in day, coming off another 50 hour work week, and having her Friday morning fountain drink which will be followed by a beer. My heart is heavy, my brain is stuffed, and I miss y'all like mad. Tell me some good things going on.

In the midst of every awful thing (and some good things too, tbf), I've been obsessively tracking the Global Sumud Flotilla and there's one, ONE, tiny ship still sailing toward Gaza and I just ....

Me: Apparently I gave you autism by taking Tylenol. 18: Don't worry about it. The rapture is happening tomorrow anyway. 18: Which you will not participate in. 18: Because you gave me Autism. Me: 😐 18: Hope that headache was worth it, sinner.

I have somehow ended up on the side of TikTok where people are prepping their homes for everyone left behind after the 23rd (or maybe 24th?) of September's Rapture and I am torn between amusement and religious trauma.

I wish I could go back in time to New Mom Me and gently take her by the shoulders, look her in the eye and say, "baby, it doesn't matter if he won't latch anymore. You're gonna be parenting teen him through an apocalypse. Giving him formula will be fine."

........y'all. I just finished signing a lease. We move October 10th. 😭😭🙆🏽‍♀️🙆🏽‍♀️

*bursts into psychiatrist's office* I SMELL OF CIGARETTES AND SADNESS TODAY, MORGAN.

You guys. I'm fucking sob-laughing. My current favorite resident is an old black lady who calls me beautiful and makes crawfish in the shelter kitchen and tonight she slid up to me all conspiratorial like, slipped me a mini candy bar, and:

Today can honestly go fuck itself. 😀😀😀

Whoop there it is.

Listen. I'm not a conspiracy theorist* but also ..... *I am a conspiracy theorist. A massive conspiracy theorist regarding all things government where it's less of a conspiracy and more of an educated guess given their everything.

"violence is never the answer!!" No, see, but sometimes it is. Like, I get what you're saying, but also sometimes violence is absolutely the answer.

IF YOU DON'T STOP RIGHT NOW AND LOOK AT THIS I SWEAR TO GOD:

El is good, solid people. If you can, please slide them some relief. If you can't, please boost.

As someone who grew up deep in the evangelical church, whose father rubbed elbows, and sang for, the moral majority, sometimes it takes every bit of willpower in me not to scream, "THESE PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY TRYING TO FAST TRACK THE RAPTURE."

I am 3 beers in on my first weekend off from the shelter in two months. How are Auntie's babies doing?

EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE BUT THIS SHIRT ISN'T.

Friend of mine's kids were both injured in the shooting the other day, if you're feeling up to donating. gofund.me/72eb76d9

This is up there with white ppl wanting Jon Stewart to run for president. Honestly...I'm beginning to think white people can't be trusted with democracy. You all have no natural predators and it shows in your behavior and instincts.

Every day I go to bed horrified to my bones over this country and every night I patrol the halls of a shelter like a wild-haired fairy god-auntie so yeah, doc, I've put on a little weight it's called Thursday taco salads and Friday morning beers. You know. SELF CARE.

Remind me to tell y'all the story some time about how my dad's dad side of the family has low-key hometown beef with Dolly Parton.

18: Hey. You still harassing Tillis regularly? Me: I don't harass him. I simply contact him daily to express my thoughts and feelings. 18: *into his phone.* I told you guys. My mom bullies elected officials.

What floral arrangement says "You contributed DNA to my existence and I respect that but also we had no relationship and I haven't seen you in twenty years sorry you died"?

My current favorite resident: These folks be actin all kinds of up when you ain't here. I told em. I said, "Kristy was here, ain't none of this would go down." Me: No? You don't think so? CFR: Hell no. You come down that hall and the nonsense stops. We ain't causing problems for you.

HEY, YOU. YES, YOU. RIGHT THERE. WITH THE FACE. YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. I'M TALKING TO YOU. I love you. Drink some water.

TODAY'S THE DAYYYYYYY.

I recently took over donations and maintaining the store room at the shelter and I'm here to once again remind you that supporting your local shelters is a fantastic way to combat the helpless rage you may be feeling at The Everything.

Hey. I just wanted to remind you that even in the midst of the smoke and the flame, lovely people still exist. Soft, kind things are still happening. Flowers still bloom and somewhere a child is blowing dandelion seeds into the wind for the first time and you are a glorious light and full of magic.

This is my friend Kristy and while I admit to being biased I’m a great judge of character. So when I say when I think of her that Maya Angelou poem ‘And Still I Rise’ comes to mind. If you can spare a little to help her, a repost, anything, that would be amazing.

Remember: we all agreed that Auntie is gonna take point on this because the hours upon hours I've spent seducing Garrus in Mass Effect makes me more than qualified.

Listen. Apparently there is a mothership headed to earth and it'll be here in late November and all I'm saying is it's something to look forward to.

Also, as a side note, anything I manage to get up on ko-fi in the near future will largely be going towards Auntie Is Literally Starting Over Almost From Scratch fund if you're into that sort of thing: ko-fi.com/A457ISS

The world is rotting at the center and the flames are climbing the sky around us, but we are going to look at a house on Monday that may actually be everything we temporarily need at a price we could comfortably afford. If you have it to spare, throw up a good thought for us. 🤞🏽💖

The number of times I’ve told people “sometimes kindness looks like punching an asshole in the face” is limitless.

TODAY'S THE DAYYYYYYYYYYY

Y'ALL. 😭😭😭 MY GIRL:

July has been brutal. Heavy and humid and relentless. It's reached in past aching muscle to grasp tired bone with bruising fingers. Too many hours full of desperate voices on the other end of crisis calls and anxious tears cried on the family hallway while a child danced around our legs.

Hey. I just wanted to remind you that even in the midst of the smoke and the flame, lovely people still exist. Soft, kind things are still happening. Flowers still bloom and somewhere a child is blowing dandelion seeds into the wind for the first time and you are a glorious light and full of magic.

Everything is burning. Let me tell you a story. I was a good little girl. Not an angel, but good. I listened to my parents and my Gramma, not perfectly, but in the right direction, and I said my prayers almost every night. But I was also an angry little girl.

I wish you could know Brian. Brian, who walks the walk and talks the talk. Brian, who is brave and kind and thoughtful and compassionate. Who's a fierce protector and a loyal friend and the brother everyone deserves. I wish you could know Brian and I'm gonna talk a lot about him in the coming weeks.

Hello, dearest ones. Brian is my oldest friend and the big brother God forgot to give me. This past week, he found out he has late stage leukemia and the prognosis is not great. If you can, please consider donating so his family can spend as much time with him as possible. Thank you so so much. 💖

Hello, dearest ones. Brian is my oldest friend and the big brother God forgot to give me. This past week, he found out he has late stage leukemia and the prognosis is not great. If you can, please consider donating so his family can spend as much time with him as possible. Thank you so so much. 💖

I love when people come back with "OH YEAH. WELL WHAT IF THERE'S DEMOCRATS ON EPSTEIN'S LIST TOO, HUH? THEN WHAT?" Arrest them too. I don't give a fuck, Keisha.

Remember: if you're on lithium, hot weather and dehydration can change the blood levels. If you know someone on lithium, check on them. Also, if you happen to be bipolar, consistent bright sunlight may trigger a hypomanic or manic episode. Basically, check on each other and support as necessary.

Texas can't adequately warn people about deadly floods, but it can immediately let me know that a cop got hurt 250 miles away from me.