Update: He jumped the gate

One often ignored but very important negative side effect of AI is that now I can't use em dashes or people think I'm a god damned robot

Many worries if not

Rickrolling has really lost its impact now that you have to sit through two unskippable ads first

Blink-0118999881999119725...3

When I was A young boy My father Took me into a subway To eat black forest ham

I think I could win the long walk

No one is more tired than a cat who ain't done shit all day

🎵 Movin' to the country, I'm gonna eat a lot of leeches 🎵

Bad vibes coding

28 Beers Later

*tips glass* m'lört

Dirty Deeds Done at Market Rate

You should get a Worst Man at your wedding. A guy that just fuckin sucks

Panic Driven Development

We used to be a proper country. We used to yell "GUITAR" before the solo

Let Shadow the Hedgehog say fuck

I bet Aaron Taylor-Johnson is Kraven to be in a better film. Has anyone done this one yet

Playing the Resident Evil 4 remake and bitching about absolutely every change from the original

Without downloading any new pics, where are you mentally

posting "Gentle reminder that it's okay to unplug today and take care of yourself. Pass it on." immediately before commencing a 19-hour, 277-post meltdown

Gonna shill our foster cat. He's so sweet and cuddly, likes other cats, super into string. His name is Pancho, he's 2 years old and medium cat size (9lb). His tail is kinda short and he's got a wee little meow. It's real cute. He is extremely adoptable: atlantahumane.org/adopt/cats/p...

A no-pun-intended pet peeve of mine is when pet shelters have their animal bios written from the animal's point of view. Like, I know Mr. Moustache isn't literate. Get fucking real

Emailing "Let me know what works best for you" back and forth until one of us dies

Taking both a Delta-8 and Delta-9 gummy and letting them settle their differences

Friendly reminder Neutral reminder Unfriendly reminder Aggressive reminder Misanthropic reminder Fucking hostile reminder

Me watching the Olympics 7 beers and half a bag of Doritos deep: "I could do that I just don't wanna"

"I'm Just Ken" but it's Lars from Metallica

Welcome aboard the Pain Train. Please hold on. This train is departing

Walking into Kroger with a reusable Publix bag and getting shot on sight

Navigating metal shows in my 20s: How do I find enough beer to stay drunk Navigating metal shows in my 30s: How do I find enough water to stay alive

Them: A home is the most important purchase you'll ever make Me: Have you heard of the Barad-dûr Lego set

Hey boss, I'll be on PTO until someone picks up the next ticket on the kanban board cuz I don't wanna do it

Indie bands will be like "let's tear this FUCKIN PLACE UP" and then play a six minute ukulele solo

Ghost setting his auto reply before vacation: I am OoOoOoOoOoO

I don't have enough mana I can't use that yet I need more mana I am not ready I don't have enough mana I need more mana I am not ready I don't have enough mana I can't use that yet I am not ready I don't have enough mana I am not ready I can't use that yet I am not ready I need more mana I don't hav

Did @spraklingtwit.bsky.social design this shirt

"I have to do this alone" - character who absolutely does not have to do this alone

They should invent a beer that's good for you

We have six 9s of availability. 0.999999%

ChatGPT but it responds to all prompts with "hell yeah brother"

Five Nights at Buc-ee's

Tucking myself into bed, muttering "I'm such a comfortpilled cozycell", and immediately being smote by The Lord

Taco Bell's vegetarian menu proves that you can avoid eating meat and still enjoy a wide variety of things that'll kill you

Getting recruited by Top Men

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