Who’s job was it to wake up Green Day this year? Maybe let them sleep this one out actually.

Coffee at the gas station is a buck 05. The same price as freedom

I used to think all these billionaires supported Trump for the tax cuts, but now I realize it’s because most of them are in the Epstein files.

It’s hard to tell where cat ends and bed begins

the millennials yearn for precedented times

Makes sense to me!

I have an urgent kitten update!

if i had the opportunity to ask a question of anyone in the administration, given this "war in chicago" messaging, i would ask them how many americans the president intends to kill in his war

How is that comfortable?

Just saw an ad for a seasonal ski chalet rental and they included these pictures in the ad. Embarrassing

I had a nightmare last night that I was generating an image with AI and I kept giving it new prompts to refine the image, and then after quite a while of this someone pointed out to me how much carbon I was pumping out into the atmosphere, and then I woke up.

Going onstage at Summerfolk in a few hours! Love this festival!

Character my toxic trait is challenging people’s bad opinions on social media and waiting to see if they walk it back or double down

They were probably mostly for throwing sandwiches

Me watching my cat play with a plastic spring: I wish I was that easily entertained. Me: *is entertained watching my cat play with a plastic spring

I have a very important kitten update!

Here’s some dystopian stuff I saw on facebook this morning

Anyone else notice the YouTube ads have gotten really bad lately. It’s all AI slop.

Does he still think we pay the tariffs?

I just saw somebody jogging in this heat and it looks like they were doing it on purpose, like they weren’t running away from anything

Post Malone implies the existence of Pre Malone

I think that instead of saying something like “I’m easy to please“ we should start saying “my fancy is ticklish“

Have they tried shooting at it?

I think some people don’t realize that using the self checkout is a race

Isn’t this exactly what he said about China?

Happy Captain Picard Day to all who observe!

It’s the nicest day of the year. Happy 6/9 to all who celebrate!

Who else had Elon and Trump having a public break up before July on their bingo card?

So, I can’t explain it, but Lunatic Fringe should have been a Pink Floyd song

Just saw two guys flying down the road on a 50 cc minibike. Anyone of my generation will know exactly what it made me think of

I want Matt Damon to open a bakery called “Bourne and Bread”

So, you know when you have a massive blister on your hand and you don’t want to get dirt in it so you seal it all up with CA glue, but then you don’t want to wait for it to cure naturally so you spray it with accelerator? Anyway, it really stings.

What percentage of Mercedes that have flat black wraps do you think have been in an accident?

My wife was really excited that I got Saltines at the grocery store. That’s a life hack I wish I knew earlier.

Even Warren Buffett can’t afford to retire until his mid 90s in this economy

Does this guy remind anybody else of Colin Robinson?

Sometimes I slice up some chorizo to have in the shower. I call it showercuterie. My wife thinks it’s weird.

When you are being tailgated by a Tesla and you are really tempted to test out its automatic braking system.

George Santos, getting 7 years, proves one thing: corruption has consequences

Is anybody else immediately turned off when a politician used the word “woke”? (Usually preceded by prefix ‘anti’)

Another muted

Trump is openly defying a unanimous decision by the Supreme Court. Surely that is grounds for impeachment

FYI, if you cannot claim any of the following: - secured billions in federal contracts - received inside information on when to capitalize on stock market corrections - been granted exemptions on tariffs …then you are NOT the beneficiary of Trump’s agenda. You are the victim.

This tracks

Now I’m worried about how many of my group chats the editor of The Atlantic might be in

WH: "Today, President Trump will receive his quarterly performance review from Super President Putin. He will make the case that his abandonment of Ukraine, weakening of NATO and global trade wars are strongly aligned with Super President Putin's goals and should merit a favorable rating."

I guessed wrong. It wasn’t ’chicken butt’