Eleven years ago, I wrote to Tom Stoppard to ask about this coup de théâtre from 1949. It took me down an unexpected rabbit hole - in memory of Stoppard, here's what I found.

Fuck Reagan forever, but even he came down on the side of Lincoln.

Decided to make some salmon jerky on a whim. Who knows whether this is a good idea, but we'll try it.

Touchdown? UnLikely.

Twenty years ago, the NFL was playing music from washed up artists for old people, like Paul McCartney, Janet Jackson, and Gloria Estefan. It's nice that they're playing music from modern, relevant artists like Post Malone and Jack White I'm not old you're old.

There's a decent premise to that Vance speech — my family sucks at cooking so Thanksgiving food is terrible but we bear it because we love each other. A good writer could make that into a genuinely funny and heartwarming story. But no writer can save someone who is so deathly allergic to charisma.

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

I can't vouch for this book, but I can vouch for the profound personal benefits of charity. Nothing has helped my mental health and cured my cynicism like getting involved with causes that help others.

I'm going to nominate Nick Offerman. Having a glass of whiskey and talking about woodworking seems like a fine time.

No, Charlie Brown, I expect you to die.

My MNF feed switched to Quebecois for reasons I do not understand but it's fascinating. I'm learning a lot about our northern francophone neighbors.

Star Trek is philosophy disguised as sci-fi. Star Wars is rule of cool world building. The reason Andor is the best thing Star Wars ever did is because it's only barely attached to the Skywalker stuff, it just used the really cool world to tell a really good story.

This is way off. 1. A New Hope (1977) 2. Empire Strikes Back (1980) 3. Return of the Jedi (1983) 4. Phantom Menace (1999) 5. Attack of the Clones (2002) 6. Revenge of the Sith (2005) 7. Force Awakens (2015) 8. Rogue One (2016) 9. Last Jedi (2017) 10. Solo (2018) 11. Rise of Skywalker (2019)

There is an albino peacock in the yard. Why is there an albino peacock in the yard? What is to be done about it? I have no idea and it isn't telling.

INT was the correct call, but I bet I would be furious if I was a Tampa homer.

British NFL discourse is painful, but I deeply respect the sickitude to be staying up until 2:00 a.m. on a Sunday to watch football.

🧵

Cody failed the prime test here. When guys with warrants show up on your doorstep, you shut the fuck up. "I invoke my right to silence." "I want to speak to my attorney." Then you shut the everloving fuck up. You can't explain your way out of a warrant, ever. Just be fucking quiet.

Arch Manning is going to die next week. His o-line can barely protect him against Arkansas and Arkansas's defense is terrible.

Enjoy the bench 👋

Chasing Lane Kiffin is crazy work. Not only is he despised by every team he's ever head coached, not only does he job hop every two years, but also everything about his personality leads one to believe there will be allegations at some point. Do you really want him on your payroll when that happens?

i promise i don’t mean to high horse this but if you’re thinking about giving lizza ten bucks there are a lot of good independent journalists whose work you could subscribe to for a month instead

Yes, I know what that word means. No, I'm not going to share. This is what I get for having a nice, quiet evening at home. It would have been healthier to go out drinking and driving.

Incredible

Not mentioned: when we'll be allowed to piss on him.

Lol bye 🖕

Opinion: It's time to start blaming the real culprits of the Catholic sex abuse scandal, fuckable kids. By Bill Donohue

I've never made a wagyu tamale, but I think this is the year to give it a try.

Excuse me what the shit

I would like to publicly apologize to Lindsey Halligan for referring to her as "Trump's parking lot attorney". I had her qualifications mixed up with Alina Habba's. Halligan is in fact Trump's former Miss Colorado USA third runner-up attorney. I regret the error and endeavor to do better in future.

Absolute banger of a closer.

Live your life in such a way that no one ever says "your job has existed since years had 3 digits and no one has ever made this mistake before."

Put everyone involved into a cannon labeled "Rule 11" and fire it at a black hole.

Found: tennis ball. Nervous disposition. Answers to the name Cheepcheepcheepcheep.

Met a guy who came here under that program. It took him, without exaggeration, 3.5 minutes to go from zero to "we should send Black people back to Africa". The inciting question was "how old is your daughter?".

So much pain and suffering could be avoided if we simply Truman Showed famous right wing assholes into believing they're successful comedians.

Sex positivity was a mistake, everyone should be spayed and neutered at 30. I'm sorry, but our species clearly can't be trusted.

I'm being told that this was not because things were going so well that Black Southern sharecroppers could afford to snowbird half the year up North.

@lionsledbydonkeys.bsky.social I don't know why this popped into my head, but I'm going to make it your problem now.

Strange but true fact: Bill Paxton (left) is the only person in history to be killed on-screen by a xenomorph, predator, terminator, and Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Pat Benatar.

I maintain that if we had stuck Nixon in a gibbet hanging from the White House portico, we wouldn't be in this mess.

But that is nothing compared to what is happening in the facility. Our fight is not against flesh and blood it is against the powers and principalities. @govpritzker.illinois.gov whose side are you on?

Strange but true fact: Bill Paxton (left) is the only person in history to be killed on-screen by a xenomorph, predator, terminator, and Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Pat Benatar.

Reshoot this ad frame for frame with the woman just talking to the air (which is what she is in fact doing) and an ominous synth score, and it’s an A24 elevated horror trailer

Please avoid anything news-adjacent this morning and look at these nice sheep, instead. You will be happier for it.

Another click in the ratchet of what constitutes approved thought.

As of this morning, Starbucks workers across the country are officially ON STRIKE. And we're prepared for this to become the biggest and longest ULP strike in Starbucks history. Say #NoContractNoCoffee with us: DON'T BUY STARBUCKS for the duration of our open-ended ULP strike! $SBUX

New: Google has chosen a side in Trump's mass deportation campaign. Google is hosting a CBP facial recognition app to hunt immigrants; no indication Google will remove. At same time Google takes down apps for reporting ICE sightings “Big tech has made their choice” www.404media.co/google-has-c...

"She's not very sharp, not very tough. I don't respect her " "She's nasty." "There was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever." How pathetic you have to be to turn around and debase yourself for someone who talks about you like that. Get some self respect.

I am beginning to suspect it is impossible to get caught committing white collar crime so long as you make sure to avoid putting "ATTN: CRIME PLANS" in an email header.