Wait, Amelia Earhart now?

🧊 Holding an Autistic child hostage to coerce parents out might be the most disgusting thing yet.

I'm starting to think at this point that strange women lying in ponds distributing swords might be a better basis for a system of government than whatever the hell we've got going on right now

BOY can we RELATE!!! Sound UP!!! #ChuckandJim

So, the latest National Security issue is (checks notes) kitchen cabinets.

BREAKING: Colombia’s Pres. Petro demands a criminal probe into Trump at the UN! He blasts Trump’s illegal Caribbean ship strikes as “MAGA fascism.” The world’s done with this! “Prosecute U.S. officials, even Trump himself,” Petro says. #UNGA #Justice

$&@!ing brilliant.

I’m hearing that the shell casings in Dallas had pro-escalator sentiments engraved on them.

The rapture DID happen, and EVERYONE got left behind. God looked at today's Christians and just said yeah nope.

If you give your kids Tylenol PM, do they only have autism at night?

Acetaminophen is easy to pronounce. The ending is like “minnow fin.” And “aceta-“ sounds like “Ah see da” as in “Ah see da Epstein files still haven’t been released.”

Unlike Epstein Island, Tylenol bottles are childproof.

Dear venues; If you go to all-electronic ticketing, make sure you also have free-with-no-password wifi available in the lobby.

The Boston, MA rapture is experiencing 25 minute delays due to signal problems at Suffolk Downs. Place consider using the SL3 silver line bus or East Boston ferry to get to your rapture. Shuttle buses to heaven will be available shortly . @mbta.com

ProTip for the rapture: Tell your MAGA friends and relatives that if they don’t hear from you tomorrow, consider us raptured. Then you have a clean break AND make them question their own rapture-ability.

So, The Rapture is when baby Jesus comes out of his burrow and sees his shadow?

If you *really* believe the rapture is happening today, give me all your earthly possessions. Otherwise you're just doing performative bullshit and don't actually have any faith.

According to the Rapture: The man from Mars is going to eat up cars. Cadillacs, Lincolns too. Mercurys and Subaru. So you don’t stop, you just keep on eating cars.

If you are one of the almost 100 Dems who voted to honor the guy who said the Civil Rights Act was a huge mistake, don’t bother asking Black people to vote for you, donate to you or canvass for you next year. Don’t bother. Please. And don’t be shocked if you get a primary opponent.

President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho approves.

Just now, 11 state and city lawmakers were arrested by DHS police on the 10th floor of 26 Federal Plaza after a hour of demanding access to the ICE lock up on the same floor. @thecity.nyc

Multiple rounds and “ready to make an offer” says you guys were dicking him around and he got sick of it.

Anyone going to Granite State ComicCon, check out Normal Human Dice for all your needs. www.facebook.com/share/r/1C6v...

Remember when the Supreme Court ruled on the first amendment last year? Pepperidge Farm remembers….

Bluey ain't worth it, you smoothbrains.

Ads? Makes note to never buy a Samsung refrigerator. www.androidauthority.com/samsung-conf...

Getting the hang of swearing at @cursorai just enough to get what I want.

“The people that have known me the longest can’t be convinced I’m not a Nazi” is a heck of an admission.

Cool. A new dating app.

The fact that Matthew Dowd lost his job for pointing out Charlie Kirk’s hate speech, while Brian Kilmeade openly suggests we should euthanize the homeless and there is zero outrage, shows exactly what is terribly wrong with today’s political mainstream media.

Seen today in MA.

Tell me again how both sides are the same?