Trump calling the pope "weak on crime" is unfortunately a great bit, but we'll see better as the feud progresses. Trump only really has so many rhetorical moves at this point and is rapidly regressing into fey Broadway insults, but we could see "he's losing his 'look'" and "his 'hat' doesn't play."

Once again, the only really good April Fool’s bit online was the unlicensed Pokemon emulator replacing the sprites with goofy ones

My little brother, who has only recently started getting into The News, read today’s Noem News and made me laugh

I updated iOS. I have been rewarded with a handful of new emojis and the screenshot process having an extra step

Listening again to @jessethorn.bsky.social’s Bullseye interview with PUP, and it’s not good to have parasocial relationships with artists, but every member of the band is my friend. We have never met

Every time I pass the Brooklyn coffeeshop “Dark Necessity” it reminds me of the TV show Dexter

I keep getting this YouTube ad with the line “You don’t find yourself on a boat cruise by accident.” Boat cruise.

Just heard my favorite pizza man call another guy “boss.” Rough day

For a time, being a member of the Dirty Projectors was the coolest thing you could be. But very few of us did it

we expelled them, blacklisted them, called cops to beat the shit out of them, and deported them. why aren't they protesting again? i'm very smart

Ok sharks, here’s the concept: It’s called The Nurse. It’s like urgent care but we give you an ice pack and you can put your head down for 40 mins

“A new membership-based dental service.” Perfect. That was the problem with my dentist, too many casuals and walk-ins

We are monetarily delayed due to train traffic ahead of us. We had no idea that there would be trains on the train tracks

Reading up on Texas politics

Passed a guy wearing a Mr. Plow jacket and a Futurama hat. Just casually Groeninged out

How busy is the @foodcoop.bsky.social?

No one told me that The Righteous Gemstones season 2 includes both Eric Andre and Jason Schwartzman. This information was withheld from me, I believe maliciously

Found this incredible Queens valentine

I just read a book about left wing radicals of the 60s and 70s. It mentioned that one of the most prolific bomb makers in the country is now retired in Park Slope. I looked him up and he’s quoted here opining against a local bar getting licensed to have a patio

I hadn’t known that The Righteous Gemstones features Walton Goggins as an untrustworthy preacher called Uncle Baby Billy. I know better now

The balding pill company advertising like they occupied Zucotti Park

We need a truth and reconciliation commission for the 2021 Super Bowl advertisers

The NFL should work like Red Alert 2, with each team having access to a unique unit that represents their region

This short story collection introduces the writer John O’Hara by mentioning his epitaph: “He told the truth about his time. He wrote honestly and well.” Turns out the epitaph actually starts “Better than anyone else,” and he wrote it himself

Sorry, I’m hearing some wailing of damned souls and gnashing of teeth. Could whoever is in Hell please mute themselves?

The final and canonical excuse has been posted. None can do better

If you’re going to blame Zohran for the temperature staying below freezing all week, you might as well go all in. Why isn’t he also improving the humidity out?

Dream big!

We applaud the efforts of SMC members Jana and @christianaraos.bsky.social in working with @progintl.bsky.social at Neustra America for the adoption of the San Carlos Declaration. Christian and Jana successfully advocated for the inclusion of language concerning the rights of migrants in the US.

On top of everything else, it’s a level of cold in Minneapolis today that I really can’t imagine

I thought my book of Richard Yates short stories would be fun to read on the train and was immediately confronted with a story of heartbreak in a 1950s VA tuberculosis ward

It’s so cold out that the rear brake on my bike won’t work. But I should be totally fine as long as I don’t encounter any unusually slippery surfaces

He calls himself my friend, but @lurrie.bsky.social only came up with the slogan “Seth Before Dishonor” when he heard some other guy named Seth is running for office. Interesting

How did Eric Adams add MORE levels of scammery here?

Going to the Bishop Allen and Mates of State show Friday, posting on the millennial app where someone will recognize at least one of those bands

BIG FIGHT AT POLAND’S WROCLAW ZOO!!!

Conditions have degraded so much that my dad (onetime Giuliani Republican) and brother (aircraft mechanic) are calling ME to complain about Republicans and ICE

I love my local cheese shop. I love the cheesemonger who’s always reading a novel and has a fun take on it. Today: “How’s Brave New World?” “Sexier than I expected!”

Queens people: Can you recommend a bar near the Astoria Blvd subway stop that’s good for a group and ideally has food?

One of the best to ever do it

🚨 Lydia is running for Assembly in a district that voted for Zohran by 74-26 in the primary… without the incumbent’s endorsement

why use 30 words when 14 will do?

We ride at dawn

Dan Goldman: – Didn't endorse Zohran Mamdani – Voted w/ 212 Republicans to censure Rashida Tlaib – Joined 148 Republicans to express "disgust" at South Africa's ICJ genocide suit – Suggested the attack killing 100+ waiting for food was Hamas narrative – Didn't "trust" number of kids killed in Gaza

Absorbing new information flawlessly by imagining it as a mental pizza and storing it in my mental pizza rack

Hi from the most festive house in South Slope

These two buildings in Park Slope call the same street different names. Today I learned this is because, after President Garfield was assassinated in 1881, people on Macomb St asked to honor Garfield with a renaming. They were also tired of their street being confused with Macon St in Bed-Stuy

It’s going to be so cool to have a mayor who really cares about working people and goes out of his way to show it.

If the backyard is full, you’re at Union Pool If you see a bocce ball, you’re at Union Hall