One of these is edible, the rest are poisonous. Which would you pick?

You ever hate someone so much you posthumously turn them into fireworks?

Hey, guess what? Mannequin butt.

The hose blinked first.

Thirsty? No. Unhinged in the presence of a hose? Yep.

He sleeps HARD after I take him on a bike ride.

Pop quiz: People are saying the kid says “you’re not the president you need to go away” — do y’all hear it too?

Trans rights are unalienable human rights.

Your skeleton is just a gift that time slowly unwraps.

@stephenking.bsky.social I was told you like corgis. As caretaker to the loud potato that rules my house, I happened to have these lying around.

Shit’s so wrong that even our food knows things are messed up.

Make queers and communists atheist again

NOW: More than 98% of #Costco shareholders have just rejected an anti-DEI measure The attempt to force Costco to audit their #DEI work was by an anti-inclusion lobby group: "The proponent's broader agenda is not reducing risk for the Company but abolition of diversity initiatives." - Costco Board

Has anyone else been looking hard at their lamp in the last few days?

needed this & I bet you do too

If it feels like a trap, you’re already in one.

New liver, same eagles.

Not allowing yourself to be sad because things could be worse is the same logic as not allowing yourself to be happy because things could be better. Also known as depression.

Any room can be a panic room if you ask me a question I wasn’t expected and then wait a second.

Wanna start a cult? • • • • #supportartists #art #newartaccount #digitalartist

If it feels like a trap, you’re already in one.

Here. 🍏 Now throw it harder this time, that rude doctor is feckin back again

Some of you live in

What’s the first thing you can remember eating, ever?

For being 'essential' immigrant workers sure do get treated like they are disposable.

It’s nice to be married to someone who says, “Well, isn’t this an adventure!” when a neighbor stops by to tell us we may not get power back until Wednesday

My dad believed that some metal songs contained messages from the devil if played backwards. As a fairly young kid in the late 90’s, I figured out how to reverse an audio track, just to reassure him that he didn’t have to be afraid of music. All I got for my trouble was grounded. 🤷

My spouse got a smart camera for his remote meetings. He’s also got a nasty cough. Imagine his surprise when the camera chased him around the room when he got up and moved away to cough off-screen.

Sometimes, your first thought is what society teaches you to think and your second thought is who you truly are.

Congratulations to Neil Newbon on winning Best Performance in the 2023 Game Awards. Incredibly well-deserved. Astarion gave us a voice. Neil gave Astarion his. If you get it, you get it and hugs to you.

I don’t the world to understand, you sort of had to be there. But @benender.bsky.social thinks giraffes are cone shaped. 🦒

1,407 minutes = 23.45 hours. Say what you will, I get my money’s worth out of my Spotify membership.

Tuesdays taste funny.

OFFICIAL PETITION for Mel Giedroyc, Sue Perkins and Abby Eaton to host Top Gear. It would be ✨iconic✨

Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at.

I’m going to try to find a way to watch it at least read through The End of Longing today. RIP, Mattman

The time will pass anyway. What will you do with it?

When he says “I dunno” but he only means the last syllable.

There are many cats like him and yet, none at all.

He makes the classiest faces

Omg STOB IT already

My voice is completely goofed from the other night and it’s sounded unsettlingly familiar all day. It’s because I sound uncannily like this fucker from Blackbird.

I was shocked by how many people default to horny when scared. It’s amazing. Sir, you screamed like a little girl and fell on your ass, now you’re asking me out from the floor. It’s a great look for you and I love it.

Fuck therapy. Work as a scare actor at a Haunted House for a couple nights, really let some stuff out. Go for the tough guys, really break ‘em. I made a grown man fall over and Scooby-Doo because he initiated a scream-off with me and didn’t expect me to reach all the way back to my roots to win.

Spontaneous action gets the goods. When people see you respond, you break the ice that paralyzes them. I did nothing— do not thank me. I just counted beans. There are countless opportunities to just FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT. Inspire someone today— rob a store for food and give it to the homeless

My partner is so tired he just tried to pause time. It was beautiful.

One of my favorite things about writing is the death threats when I leave somebody’s comfort character in a difficult cliff hanger. Today’s favorite death threat; “So fucking help me, if u leave him there overnight, I will find u and crush ur head like u crushed my heart.” I left him there.

I’m using the ancient Mayan symbols as a Rorschach test. This one symbolizes one of the Snake Kings. What do you see?