oh that movie got a standing ovation at cannes?? ok well some of us get a standing ovation for their cans all the time

jobs love to ask you what you see for your future in the interview but hate it when you pull out your scrying orb

ok honestly that goes so hard

sorry i’m late, it’s lilac season so i had to stop and smell the bush down the street while for the third time today

the energy of a saturday bagel is the world is a beautiful place and i am lucky to be in it, the energy of a sunday bagel is grief everlasting

when someone takes your favorite bathroom stall at work it’s like how far will gentrification go

normalize saying “that’s weird” when someone tells you they live in a ridiculously expensive neighborhood

living with a partner is 50% endless love, care and gentleness and 50% barging into the room unannounced and asking them if they want to see your new trick

pride and prejudice? oh you mean the “united states of america”

living with a partner is 50% endless love, care and gentleness and 50% barging into the room unannounced and asking them if they want to see your new trick

when people are like “i’m a midwife” i’m like no! i think you’re a 10 and i’m sure your spouse does too

really fucked up that mangos come with a bone inside them

love treating myself to a little picnic after grocery shopping (standing at the kitchen counter and having a single taste of 4-5 items before putting them away)

we are approaching the period of almost spring where everyone is allotted 10 minutes a day to stop whatever you’re doing and stand in a sunbeam staring into space like a lizard on a rock

oh you bought your pet from a breeder? ok well i thrifted mine

obsessed with the idea of a historian like that’s just a guy who unearths old gossip

a nepotism baby is a person who’s 1/3 strawberry, 1/3 vanilla and 1/3 chocolate

i don’t need a weighted blanket i need to be baked into a pie

you should be able to call out of work due to malaise

pride and prejudice? oh you mean the “united states of america”

sure, realism is great but when that realism is magical?? OH baby

you should be able to call out of work due to malaise

the art//the artist

love it when they get creative with pasta shapes like wow that does look like a little radiator

i don’t need a weighted blanket i need to be baked into a pie

we have a running joke in our household that we almost named our cat shoes because he used to love laying by our shoes when he was a kitten so whenever he does that now, we yell “omg shoes is here!” across the apartment like we’re getting a visit from an old friend

who’s the jester of the relationship? trick question, in a perfect relationship it should be both of you

they should make a tree that’s comfortable to sit with your back against it

the art//the artist

sometimes saying you slept terribly just isn’t enough, the victorians were onto something saying shit like “i slept in a tortured manner last night”

unsolicited dick pics?? you mean when my exes get suggested on people you may know?

just ate a savory snack haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory one :) haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory one :) haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory on

am i allowed to have a good lighting selfie as a little treat

in ridgewood if you don’t wear your scarf bubushka style they take you behind the bar/venue hybrid and shoot you

the fact that they made seasonal affective disorder spell out S.A.D…very cunty indeed

when i want to do something and then i actually do it i’m like whoah i am so locked in right now

just ate a savory snack haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory one :) haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory one :) haha nice now it’s time for a sweet one :) haha nice now it’s time for a savory on

ever see a man and just know his name is david

Can’t stop won’t stop (reading)

i don’t need a weighted blanket i need to be baked into a pie

whispering cheese snack cheese snack cheese snack three times in the mirror until i materialize in front of the open fridge like roadkill in a headlight

last night was a niche children’s cartoon showing the grotesque reality yet whimsical frivolity of life

heavy is the chest that hangs the boob

at any point, might i suggest 2-3 frozen hash browns. 2-3 frozen hash browns does hold an arcane power beyond human comprehension, can fix most ailments, also crunchy

hey does anyone know if we have normal anything tomorrow?

just discovered a salon in williamsburg that has a service called “brain detox”

people ask me my favorite genre of novel and i’m like uhh big house?

winter is all about wearing the same three outfits on rotation like a cartoon character

yeah