They are out of steak tartare to go with my oysters so now I have to have them with champagne and caviar instead and oh dear however shall I get through this.

Glaub der Typ bei der Sparkasse guckt mich richtig merkwürdig an wenn ich das versuch aber danke für den Tipp

This randomly came up in my playlist again, and RIP Mr. Mboweni. Your pilchards-and-chicken cooking adventures shall live in eternal memory. I mean, how many central bankers have banger hip-hop tracks made in their honour? www.youtube.com/watch?v=USqM...

"In one incident, Lewandowski fired a U.S. Coast Guard pilot after Noem’s blanket was left behind on a plane, according to people familiar with the incident." But "they eventually reinstated the pilot because no one else was available to fly them home." 😂 www.wsj.com/politics/pol...

We all hope

This guy is a disgrace to the cheeky-bog-seat-snort community. Which, in case it needs saying, is quite the achievement.

Apparently a hotel chain got hacked and now I've got a Brazilian number trying to spearfish me via WhatsApp. Do I: 1.) Show this to the hotel guys tomorrow and ask whether their IT lads wanna have some fun with these guys? 2.) Send them various GIFs of Germany 7 Brazil 1 until they block me?

"Why is your website not loading, I need to publish an urgent press release!" *frantic digging for the reason* "Ma'am, everything loads perfectly fine for me, I can log in as you, both backend and frontend." "Well my laptop's not loading it, and it's never done this in 15 years!"

Imagine winning a historic majority on a "change" ticket and then trying to sell "we're actually too responsible to do much" to the electorate. What's the point of a majority large enough to ban adverbs on a whim, if not to bloody use it?

To lose one widely-despised master of the dark arts may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose two in a week looks like carelessness. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

Hodlers: an apology for the apology ft.trib.al/7xAjxXu

In einem ungezügelten Akt der Rebellion habe ich heute ein einzelnes Nimm2 gegessen.

Happy fifth birthday to this meme

Presumably he drove to the wrong place by accident. "OH! You meant NOTTINGHAM FOREST! I'm at Forest GREEN ROVERS!"

Afaik the availability of part-time work boosts labour force participation, i.e. to many part-time workers, the alternative is not 'work more' but 'don't work'. That strikes me as a major obstacle to any CDU/CSU plan that hopes to boost productivity by making it harder to work part-time.

Oh cool, even the TOP OF THE GODDAMN WARDROBE isn't safe from the younger cat anymore, because apparently IT CAN RUN UP WALLS like it's in the FUCKING MATRIX.

"The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born:

Step 1: Tell Trump the Greenland deal is on Step 2: Get him in front of basically any of the German notary publics I've encountered to sign the deal Step 3: "Der Mann ist doch nicht geschäftsfähig, was soll das!"

I now believe Walter Sobchak is the only one who gives a shit about the rules.

FFS DON'T NUKE NORWAY NOW DONALD

Ich mach es jetzt wie die transatlantischen Beziehungen und geh einfach mal baden.

"Look, I get it, he's mental but what the fuck do you want me to do?" - Labour +45%

There are plenty of us, including people in parliament and government. But there is no point in pushing for it, over here. The UK does not know what it wants yet. Sure, Brexit polls abysmally, but Reform are polling well. Let's talk about it when the UK has made up its mind.

The good news is that 'gladbach have almost doubled their half-time xG from the midweek game, the bad news is that, erm...

Gedanken darüber um halb sechs von einer schnurrenden Katze geweckt zu werden: Ist die Katze glücklich, möcht sie summen, Doch kann sie nur wie ein Schlauchbootmotor brummen.

Amazing work

The missus has fried a bunch of prawns for the cats and the cats are like "Errrrm, can I see the minced pig/cow/various entrails again please?"

I would like to thank Crystal Palace for making sure that Liverpool are not the worst defenders of a title this year.

Apparently Germany also spied on Obama during the Merkel years and does anybody have the number of those Mills & Boon fellas, because I got this idea about a novel called "The President's Favourite Foreign Policy Position". www.zeit.de/politik/ausl...

Oh ffs

For sweetcorn-related reasons, the taco express has been cancelled. A roast-chicken replacement service will be available.

Think I'll have a beers-and-Big-Mac breakfast and wait for my FIFA Healthy Living Prize.

Just incredibly unprofessional from Villa. Good luck getting any loan-with-buy-clause deals over the line in the next couple of years. www.bbc.com/sport/footba...

And people looked at me funny when I said that my goal as Betriebsrat/works councillor is to be better-dressed than management during every encounter. Kudos to Ms Mamdani for leading the way.

Thanks again to @huan-san.bsky.social and @kateofthewillow.bsky.social. Love how 90s goalkeeper jerseys are basically just dazzle camo to hide how flabby the keeper is.

The chances of seeing an ancient Ronaldo sign for MSV Duisburg in 2029, desperate to get beyond 997 goals, is non-zero ("he agreed to a contract in which he gets paid mainly in Currywurst and Köpi", a club executive assures a horde of accountants with the most furrowed brows you ever saw)

Fare thee well, old Liverpool wallet. Thanks to @kateofthewillow.bsky.social for getting me one that's practically identical but not busted.

Thanks in advance to the local A&E (I promised my 10-year old cousin I'd bring my goalkeeping gloves today)

We out here rocking that Snucci look.

The wife at 17:24: "Hey, you're also off for Christmas now, why don't you put on some Christmas tunes?" The wife at 20:03: "Oh ffs, not Jona fucking Lewie again."

When I die, I want a "Forward-Looking Statements" disclaimer on my gravestone.

Finding out my grandfather was part of the late-era Egon Krenz booster club while digging for reasons to change my surname after the local leftist party launched a really quite fucking weird shrine dedicated to my Stalinist grandparents. Would love to see their Stasi files.

The "smart people" who are taken in by Trump and/or Musk remind me of the "smart people" who invested with Madoff. They knew that Madoff's purported investing system made no sense, but they assumed that they were enjoying the fruits of Madoff cheating other people (by frontrunning trades).

It's starting to look like I'll be in Liverpool again in early June '26. Annoyingly just after the season, but hey. Any chances of a Legends game then, lads? :D

The Christmas-goodies package from work this year included the usual choccies that will go to the wife, but also three different maturities of Lithuanian hard cheese. Best corporate Chrimbo package ever.

Gibt es etwas geileres als die Jahresplanung für das nächste Jahr zu machen, und dabei schon die langen Wochenenden zu verplanen?

The thing I never got about the Daily Mail (whether you're writing or reading it) is that being angry is exhausting and not very pleasant. As is cognitive dissonance. How do you spend your life just impotently yelling about one thing on one day, and then about its opposite the next? What a waste.