I call this meme "NBA Opening Weekend 2025"

Unironically *love* hearing Roundball Rock in the broadcast. Happy New NBA Season, everybody. #nbasky youtu.be/V_h7Lm7C9Nk?...

Jet lag had me up at 6am so I went to the hotel gym. I have never in my life: -used the hotel gym on a biz trip -used any gym before going to work. I have become everything I ever hated

And they said the roast battle format was dead

Boss: any updates, Jim? Me: NOT NOW DAMMIT DOLLY PARTON IS SICK

This is a good bit

billion-dollar idea: Protein cigarettes.

wrote about the “national conservative” vision for america

one person with low self esteem debates 20 friends who love them and attempt to give them a compliment

Things I Will Always Love: Washington Dulles Airport's commitment to the use of the Blade Runner font

Did something new today

LOL Facebook is now scanning the pictures on your phone that you don't even post. Turn it off here:

CORK! coupla-two-three tickets left for my solo show TONIGHT in Coughlan's! www.coughlans.ie/whats-on/com...

what is a curtis yarvin and why is everyone mad that he's a moron man, there's lots of morons, you can't let them get you upset like that

This is the most cynical online gambling ad I have ever seen. I'm almost impressed by the audacity.

Edwards got a tech for that? Weak. #nbasky

Corporate CEO addressing the company at the start of summer:

this is maybe trite at this point but it is in your interest to find ways to create things. basically everyone wants you to be consuming nonstop. making stuff, from cooking to photography or whatever, can help you feel more in control. doesn’t even have to be something you share with other people

sorry man I'm trying my best

Please highlight this story. ICE stormed into the wrong house, trashed the place, and made women/girls stand outside in the rain in their underwear. ICE also stole phones, laptops, and cash savings from the family, who moved to OKC two weeks ago. kfor.com/news/local/w...

Fantastic scrap of overheard conversation in a pharmacy yesterday. Young (early 20's?) couple. Girl leading, guy trailing. Guy: I don't want it to be too expensive. Girl: You *need* to moisturise your *face*.

Watching Ja helplessly try to Do Everything is so much sadder than watching Giannis helplessly try to Do Everything #nba #nbasky

we're all gonna die in poverty and our bodies will be emulsified to serve as coolant in a data center and the Washington Post is still out here handing out Pinocchios.

New favorite t-shirt (feat. office bathroom)

Elmo planning to retire this year. Elmo 401k in shambles. Elmo not vote for this

I heard there was a secret ooze It turned four turtles into dudes But you don't really care for pizza, do ya? They fought like this, Two swords, a stick A couple sai Some nunchuck tricks Those Ninja boys-a callin Cowabunga

Gigged in one of the nicest theatres I've ever seen, the Everyman in Cork.

But, Doctor… I am also a clown. And I am less successful than Pagliacci, although I would say that what he does is kind of hack? I mean, it’s ok if you’re after that mainstream club work, but there’s nothing deep or crafted there. Also he’s sold out, and my show isn’t, so if you’re free…?

You can't just throw away a t shirt of a beloved player when the shirt gets too old. You cut the sleeves off and keep them for another decade as pyjamas or gym gear.

Hoping my "Currently clean on OPSEC" t-shirt has the timeless quality of my "COFEVE" mug or my wristwatch that measures time in Scaramucci units

Sometimes I worry that I'm not living as an example of the Live Mas mentality.

HEY TALLAGHT AND DUBLIN I've got a show coming up at the wonderful Civic Comedy Club. civictheatre.ie for tix RTs appreciated 🙏🤘

every college, corporate, and nonprofit president right now

The Burke Family On Tour #enochburke

You have to hand it to FIFA President Gianni Infantino, he knows exactly how to handle Trump. The US President responds to shiny objects, and to things that move. Watch Trump transform here, from apathetic boredom, to awe; and how he warms to the idea of keeping the shiny, moving thing.

Enoch Burke is going to the White House Good luck getting rid of that dude, man. I'd rather deal with a backyard full of kudzu.

bluegrass doom metal band Mumford & Sunn O)))

So wide jeans are back in and I had two thoughts: 1) Jim, you're 44. You should not be shopping on this website. 2) OTOH, who the hell else can afford these? Three hundred dollars?

Just thinking about when they made Jimmy Carter sell his peanut farm so his administration wouldn't be corrupted by the influence of Big Peanut.

accountant: so are you saving for retirement? -no accountant: you have to plan for the future. -I'm gonna use AI to generate a bunch of pictures of some woman in a stars-and-stripes bikini holding an AK, start posting as her on Truth social, and rugpull memecoins accountant: *awestruck silence*

one great mystery of our age is how the only way to motivate rich people to work is to give them loads of money for no reason but the only way to motivate poor people to work is to take away loads of their money for no reason

new saddest six word story just dropped

Imagning a CIA employee who drinks too many margaritas and then calls in sick to work with "Havana Syndrome"