Just walked straight into 3 men one after the other because I'm sick of getting all the way out of their way while they do fuck all

Personally I wouldn't listen to him because he sold the house out from under his ex wife while she was actively dying of cancer

Oh my god it was one chip, six years ago, will I never be forgiven

Working on a list of people John Davidson should tell to fuck off, on purpose

When you go in Ronnie Scott's on a Wednesday they ask if you're singing tonight and I, a mediocre at best karaoke singer, am like OOOH CAN I and then i listened to the people who signed up and it turns out I absolutely cannot

I do not mean this as a criticism but they look pretty much the same just wearing a different outfit

Cool glad Prue Leith has spoken

www.independent.co.uk/arts-enterta... Ok like i have ideas about what should have been done here but if you're resigning and think what was done is unforgivable you could give us a clue?

Before office day in the City is the worst cafe experience. No dogs. No babies. Just twats.

"We have seen the reporting about NHS trusts working aggressively on reducing Caesarians and how this massively increases mortality in both mothers and babies and we are into that"

Put cafe chatting sounds on to focus on work and Spotify randomly switched to "ASMR shampoo and head massage" with a man whispering terrifyingly about what he's doing to you and now I feel like I am cold and crawling with ants inside and out, thanks Spotify

”My bone chair is made from over 200 human bones, but it you think about it, a human is also made from over 200 human bones…”

Disagree

????!!!

Keeping screenshots of my closest matches like they're swimming certificates

Pov you're my phone while I read the BBC live blog of Andrew's arrest

"I found a way to make AI tell you lies" Is it just "ask AI any question"

Jesus christ I just googled reviews of a restaurant I'm thinking of booking for next week and found Giles Coren's one and it is just fucking unreadable waffle, can you just tell me what you ate and whether it was nice or is that actually beyond you

You want me to read SEVEN people's tedious opinions about whether Jacob Elordi is too white?

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/h... "I am a pain in the arse and have fucked up real bad and want it to be someone else's fault"

"You are overtraining" (two 45 min gym classes in 4 days, embarrassingly sedentary the rest of the time)

Emerald Fennell looks exactly how you'd expect someone called Emerald Fennell to look

What does any of this even mean, why do you have this, are you ok

I have never listened to the BBC World Service.

I am now advised Ket is class B so the main consequence is still the bladder thing x

Surprising conclusion that class A prohibited substances aren't "innocent" or harmless

I have. They're fine?

The sun is out, perhaps I can sit on my balcony drinking coffee in my lovely cotton robe? [Five minutes later] no, it is still February

Me: just need some bare minimum furniture for the new place Also me:

Facebook's ad algorithm now pitching me rental flats in the building where I currently own a flat (successful, knows I like it here)

Sir/madam go to the ocean immediately it's really cool

Norwegians sound amazing

I am really not much of an "all the worst people will hate this so it's good" kind of person but Trump's people performatively hating Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl is genuinely giving me so much pleasure

I watched Top Hat last night and unfortunately it's only just come to my attention that Fred Astaire wasn't hot

BREAKING: “in my 24th year of my quest to settle the planet Mars, I have just been informed of a basic fact of celestial mechanics.”

You can't just start calling people from the USA "gringo" if you're not Hispanic that would be so embarrassing

So like... if you have a Ring can you opt out of your doorbell being used for automatic AI stalking or what

You're almost right. Actually I am not producing my novel at all x

Oh I wouldn't mind people I know offering to introduce me to single friends but crucially none of my friends are, to my knowledge, sex traffickers

What the fuck none of this makes sense

Nobody asked for this

Epstein did not do a damn thing for me. Didn't even offer. Cunt.

I got some lamp shades cheap but i love them but also i am too stupid to install them

Not to be rude but if you have friends who work in politics they should give you a lot of political tea and I just don't feel I get that

12th February: unfortunately Morgan McSweeney is quoted in the Epstein Files as making "an inappropriate remark about grass and wickets"

I have watched less than one episode of this and already spotted a way in which it does not make sense and doesn't work

FUCK HIM UP GORDON

Did she stab u

Meanwhile over on x dot com