Got a job crawling around in attics. Onboarding includes them measuring my shoulders. Scared they're going to call me a brick afterwards.

they had to write revelations in code because chicago hadn’t been invented yet

My partner has accidentally become a step parent for my work daughter. Life is beautiful.

Pull it together, man, a murder is about to happen.

at least theres love

Gonna get laid off because my team likes me too much. Incredible display of competence by middle management.

c-span is outsider art

like to accrue merit boost to turn the wheel

power up arc where i just cry in the shower for 3 days

I keep getting complimented as consistent which I think is probably just the nice way to say unyielding.

the Dark Continent....they said wed never go there... but thats exactly what we're gonna do... on this big beautiful boat... and its gonna be so much easier because i have nen. thats rigth i got nen. rfk, great guy, he had me reach my hand into a pot and i can do it all now. i can do the zetsu.

5 cars, one beer. I am God's most specialest little woman.

finally, somebody to piss with

i-i already lowballed him "again." b-but it's a good price- "again."

I keep going through this giant emotional upheaval like once a week where I contend with the fact I've only ever heard of a good relationship happening second-hand, like an old person saying "i saw one once" in the same way one might describe seeing a ghost, and now I actually have it.

I'm gonna fucking throw up. The kingdom of God was within me all along.

theres never been a better time to buy my shitbox ford ranger

i can’t cum unless there is a functioning social fabric in the room

Sunday night with my partner: taking turns hitting a truck with a hammer and going "yeahhhh!!!!!"

every gal i know is out here calling it shot for shot to an empty room it feels like

we all have to pretend we're angry about winemoms marching with us because the only way centrists will support anything is if they think it made a leftist mad. of course internally we're all thinking "winemom x communist agitator yuri" but its just not practical to say it out loud at this juncture.

the circlejerk has replaced the nuclear family as the fundamental unit of society

Made the HR lady so mad she went home. I am like a social gladiator.

They fired my boy. Wreak havoc on the middle class.

Josie 2 Trucks they call me. On account of my two trucks.

My new coworker has long hair with the sides shaved and a beard so i keep calling him hitler not-so-youth.

i only take open source ibuprofen

My doctor asked me why the sudden interest in cardio and i had to think of something to say that wasnt "i keep whipping my partners ass and then getting tired 40 minutes in."

trying to get my partner pregnant and they wait to tell me about the curse on their bloodline until after i bust

I think the hard part about other trans women here is you actually don't want to help most of them. It's not actually possible in any way that matters.

Ive been poly for six years and its going great. I love putting my whole polycule in the truck bed of my dodge ram 2500 the 46re shifts so good yeah its shifts like dog shit oh it is a 46re goddamn so good

I love to drunk drive my 1998 dodge ram 1500 4wd 2500 not 1500 it has the cummins diesel and it drunk drives so good

in poster’s heaven you never get any favs, or followers. and you don’t have to post anymore either. we’re all free. in poster’s heaven

Every time someone im seeing brings up marriage i want to fucking blow myself up with a giant grenade. I always go to my work dad and say "can u fuckjng believe this dawg" and he goes "don't do it, kid! Don't do it!" and i go no shit dude, fuck outta here, i cannot go through that again.

coming to terms with the fact that it is fun to beat people up sometimes

the problem with structural problems is they always require structural solutions which people embedded in the existing structure are by definition unable to see. this is why you gotta be a weird fucked up little freak if you ever want to get any real work done

I make my partner dinner and then we sit down and watch videos of oil rigs blowing up. This ends in sex every single time. I think this might be the most at peace I've felt in twenty years.

rage rooms but you beat up a health insurance exec instead of a toilet or whatever

I love library

My partner told me I'll be a good parent last night :-)

Drinking in the dark. I love u ground

Drive By Truckers Marry Me full volume on repeat

Author and filmmaker Justine Bateman on generative AI

she is gods righteous sword truly

1 beer and I start belting Jerry Jeff Walker songs

New name fits me too well.

Memories of drinking in a parking lot and my friend gesturing to a couple pushing a baby stroller, looking to me, and in the most knowing voice imaginable saying, "the thing is we can always get drunker. These freaks can't get any more sober." He was right.

t shirt cannons but they shoot reasons to live

hey sorry you just got a little uhh *reaches over and changes you* ok all good now 👍