Sometimes, when im feeling silly, I daydream about creating an ai program that evaluates past mass shooter behavior before a shooting to see if it can pinpoint future shooters, and how long the government would shut that program down.

I literally have a wishlist of equipment to do exactly this when I have the money.

Me: back in the 90s Final Fantasy went through this weird period where the numbers were off so 2 was really 4 and 3 was really 6. Child: which ones the newest? Me: 16 and 7.

Being a kid who probably had ADHD growing up and struggling with basic tasks. The guidance of "Just do better" was literally the worst and most useless advice I have ever gotten. When I struggle at work as an adult I remeber my mom's words. "Just do better!" 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ how??????????

Eating my childs leftover plain ravioli with butter. Mmmm tastes like not paying taxes yet!

But do you recall the most famous Reindeer of them all? Maybe I know him. Maybe I don't. But I'll tell you one thing for sure, my momma didn't raise no snitch! So before we talk about which reindeer I may or may not recall, i'm going to need to know who you are and who sent you here. Capeesh???

You know dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. I know none of these. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of them all? The most famous? Yes. I recall him. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ What even is this song?????

I'm almost certain vampire laws were just invented to teach little kids not to be assholes. I cant tell you how many times I told my child "you can't go into someone's house unless you're invited!"

Me at 6am: I have to text that person but it's too early to be bothering people. Me 3 days later: ... oh.

"We can't have socialized Healthcare because wait times are too long." That's because people are getting treated!! If wait times are shorter because we pay more for it it means people are in pain and dying BECAUSE THEY CAN'T AFFORD TO GO TO THE DOCTOR!!

There’s only one thing that comes to mind when snowboarding in an RPG.

Playing Stardew Valley. I can see a Ghibli movie of a little gremlin girl who lives on a farm with a fairy and she is forced into social situations to achieve a goal (perfection) or to get a magic spell.

PSA: Nothing is stopping you from just saying "Sorry guys I have to drop off for another call" in really boring meetings.

Happy Anniversary!

Just finished Stranger Season 5 vol 1

Shout out to all the parents of kids born in December.

"Nobody wants to work anymore!!"

FF7 is actually a Hallmark Movie. * Kid leaves hometown to work for mega corporation. * Quits and reunites with childhood crush. * Gets into a love triangle with local florist. * Ex coworker/nepobaby shows up and wreaks havoc. * Problems resolve when he learns to be true to himself.

I had a dream last night that my mom and sister threw a surprise party for me but I was wearing sweats and everyone else was wearing cute dresses. But I knew I was in a dream so I willed myself a dress. It was made of little puffs of recycled plastic and it was actually really cute. I want it.

Shane to his Aunt: Wow! I'm so glad I quit drinking! I feel so much better and lighter and have a better outlook on life! (Farmer rushes in and hands Shane a beer) shhh. I need you to like me so I can make a Stange Bun. I dont have time to explain!

Serial killer: I'm going to shoot you unless you can sing one song perfectly without messing up any words! Me: P-p-pool! Killer: what? Me: I pick Pool! Killer: uh, ok, go! Me: ... mum!!! I brought all the pool stuff you left behind! Yay! Killer: ..... Me: .... Killer: .... ok i guess.

This is actually quite brilliant, up to and including the final sentence 🔥

Im tired. But I dont want to go to sleep because then Monday will come faster.

How i play Minecraft: Create world. Build shelter. Collect resources. Forget where shelter is. Destroy whole world. Repeat.

Does anyone want a survivorship bias shortbread

I was trying to explain the purpose of a nativity scene to my kid and had to reference Jesus as "That guy from the Lady Gaga song" Then kid asked if Jesus died. Im like..... I'll tell you that story at Easter time.

On a road trip to visit family for Thanksgiving. I made up a road game called Beards where you guess if the driver of cars passing have beards or not based on the type of car.

Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister’s Girlfriend Arrives https://theonion.com/grandma-thankfully-dies-before-sisters-girlfriend-arrives/

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! I had a talk with the kid about Thanksgiving and why we celebrate. I told him about the pilgrims who came here from England and how most people here came from other places so it's important to be respectful to new people who come to this country!

Thanks for all the advice, but I meant PHYSICALLY gifting a digital game. It's for my son on my computer. 😆😆 I might get a toy tractor and put it on my keyboard for him to find since it's a farming game.

Filling out a profile on a job board. Are you willing to relocate to another country? Abosufuckinglutely!

Attending my daily stand up meeting the day before Thanksgiving

Questions: how are we gifting video games these days? I was thinking about dl'ing a game my kid has been asking for on my computer, but how do you gift it??

I'm taking a COBOL class. I am soooo lost! I used to be a Mainframe admin so I thought it would come naturally. I think they're just not great at explaining it.

If anyone plays Roomscapes and is from NJ I made a team called From NJ BABY!!

Someone pointed out that Trump was using the classic Narcissistic tactic of love bombing on Mamdani and now i cant unsee it!

Made a mom friend at craft hour at the library. She was telling me her and her son are AuADHD. I went home and I was like crap! I should have asked her if she was into Stardew Valley!!!

5yo: Mommy can you play with me? Me: Sure! 5yo playing:

Guys. I think we have a good chance at implementing universal Healthcare if we can get a handsome middle Eastern man with a beard and a nice smile to pitch it to Trump right now!

Info: What happens if I wear an 18 hour bra longer than 18 hours? Will my boobs explode? I need to know.

Update: my graphics card doesn't support the game. Womp. Womp.

My dream is to one day meet Katie Miller so I can ask her who her husband is. And then when she tells me, I can act confused and be like "The Big ol' jetairliner guy???"

Me: Oh man, I can't wait to play that new game I downloaded!! The game:

I made it better!

New PFP y'all

"There is no ethical use for AI"

If I had my own company, I would have unlimited vacation, BUT you are required to take 1 week per quarter. So you would have a minimum of a 4 weeks per year.

I didn't choose the 90s retro JRPG fan life. The 90s retro JRPG fan life chose me.

Child doesn't understand the concept that you have to set up your environment. 😆😆 I'm like let's record a test and make sure the sound works. No. He wants to start playing. 😄😄 hes going to learn all lot of important life lessons!