A tale of two hats.

19, but only 'cause I had an e-mail address before AOL even existed.

"Our person of the year? Twelve fucknuckles who wouldn't cross the street to piss on you if you were on fire, but would instead sell marshmallows toasted on your corpse while waiting for you to burn out to see if your wallet was salvagable."

You will be visited by 3 spirits.

I hope one smart employee took 10 minutes and an iPhone to film a buddy falling on their ass at Rockefeller Center, then spent the next several weeks playing Balatro before turning in their "AI footage" right before the deadline.

It's time to talk to you about my cat.

"This piece of shit slop machine your idiot boss thinks is a god is about to make your job so, so much worse."

I named my fists Database and Normalization, 'cause after they take a swing at you, all your prime attributes will be functionally independent.

life imitates tweet

So, Thanos isn't just a bad guy--he's a Bad Guy®️.

Fuckin' hit me, @profanity.accountant.

Nada -- The Refreshments

Even my dog is in a food coma.

Folks in the US taking a day to relax and enjoy the fruits of their labors. Meanwhile, the turkey emoji:

I love the day before Thanksgiving, because it's the least capitalist day in America. Everyone pretends to be busy while doing nothing even approaching actual work, but we all get paid the same anyway.

The ten best pies are the ten nearest your mouth, followed by a million way tie between all other pies.

Hey, @emmabolden.bsky.social. Apparently you were born to destroy AI. Good on ya!

My new favorite kind of meme is "here are detailed instructions on how to turn off AI". 🔨

"Siri, what if the concept of being unfuckable was a beverage?"

Is it good when people living under late stage capitalism are too poor to participate in late stage capitalism? Asking for an economic philosophy... www.latimes.com/business/sto...

Yep. I'm actively rooting for an asteroid to destroy the Earth now.

The Dumbvee: because you're too stupid to realize your right-wing politics are the reason you can't afford a proper fascist cosplay tank!!

You can put Everything Bagel seasoning on buttered toast. Or on a grilled cheese. Seriously. No one can stop you.

Yeah. Kinda didn't need DNA to know Hitler had a small dick and a mental illness.

Nowadays we call these "Schumers."

Guilty of nothing... other than being delicious!

I'd open a Food Truck called 'The Soup Wagon' instead of doing IT for a company making expensive toys for rich assholes.

As someone working in an IT field, this is literally the stuff of nightmares.

$10 bucks says they had to put it up 'cause Captain Dementia keeps wandering onto the roof lost.

just....enjoy this

Ranged attacks have disadvantage when within 5' of an enemy, and you don't get a proficiency bonus with improvised weapons, but this guy still scored a hit. The government would be wise not to fuck with a badass of his caliber.

Coming soon: Hoovervilles!

Change one letter, ruin a candy. Milk Dads

"It's not poison oak or ivy."

10

Block this shit and leave these fucking Nazis to scream alone in a closet.

Dang. Homeboy just missed getting a T-shirt and his name on the wall.

I too am involved. I'm Antifa's Official Dog Walker. When the time comes to loose the dogs of war, it shall be me that drops the leash.

A charlatan making a claim that a machine literally built on theft and incapable of thought will think up new ways to prevent fraud. This is Inception-level grifting.

John Ick.

*sigh* Once again the Rapture fails to deliver. I guess my dream of a magical friendship with a Scorpion-horse-locust-whose-venomous-sting-doesn't-kill-but-leaves-one-in-ceaseless-agony-until-the-Second-Coming will just have to be delayed a little longer.

Gotta say, I'm pretty stoked to start hanging out with some Scorpion-Horse-Locusts after the rapture on Wednesday.

Let'a hope all Charlie's contemporaries and supporters follow his excellent example.

Inside you are two wolves.

Battle doomscrolling by posting 5 small pleasures in life: 1. Watching my dog meet another dog. 2. The smell of a new book. 3. A barbershop shave and a hot towel. 4. Buttered toast. 5. Socks fresh from the dryer.

"I smell chicken around here somewhere, but I can't quite figure out where..."

An accidental Locked Tomb post.

TACO!!

Apropos of nothing particular, but if video games have taught me anything, it's that you're allowed to shoot Nazis.