Dating in your 40s is hell because why I gotta ask fithylem questions to find out if a nigga is single or not!!!

A dude is in all cream. Another dude told him he was a marinara sauce mistake from going home.

My Mississippi ass godmother. Corny cornbread is 🔥🔥🔥🔥

first date idea :

Well would you look at that

God got us. It’s above us now. In Halas name. Bear Down!

Juke version of Bear Down goes hard.

Is your team 8-3? Sad for you.

Guess who left their wallet at home?

A solution to getting more fat from turkey is to use turkey tails instead of wings or necks.

Once white people started with the “Black women will save us!” trope after derogating for every shred of their existence for forfuckingever, I knew we were ALL on borrowed time.

It starts to get very spooky when men seek you out solely for your “trophy value” to other men. A lot of men are fucking possessed with the spirit of “power couple”. Want a brilliant babe they can show off and subsequently destroy.

Watching Die Hard 2. Just finished the OG. Smoking in airports. Airplane phones. Hanging out at the gate waiting on family to arrive. We used to be a proper nation.

If you’re greens don’t have smoked ham hocks in it then you can keep it

These not the same flavors? Bye ice cream quadruplets.

If the pizza isn’t from Chicago, you can throw that shit in the trash right with the box it came in.

Adios sweet potatoes

Blueberries aren’t good for anything but donuts

Mango

Easy. Fish.

Nothing. I’m standing by them all.

Bye squash

Only one? Why not all four?

Too easy. Everything.

All of it except wine.

All of it. 😩

no offense but white people’s understanding of “gender” is too often “short hair = man” which is really really really really really really really really really really bizarre

NOW I HAVE A MACHINE GUN HO-HO-HO

Everything but gingale can go.

Where am I going to watch the game? Cigar shop or bar where I can smoke cigars (me no drink)

Throwback is my shit.

I’m mustache waxing, cologuard results checking, 9pm is too late to go out years old.

My box came!!!

I miss getting my hair done on North Avenue. The antics were always anticking.

I feel like it better be what I’m being served.

Buddy wore a short set on our first and only date. Looking like Easter Sunday. 😒

Admitting you have to rely on images you stole from strangers to fill your photo album is a choice.

Me at 11:27pm:

It will never not be funny to me that a man will say a woman’s vagina is loose instead of coming to terms with the fact that their dick is small.

My people make me smile. The last one with @kiaspeaks.us was in the cold and rain an we were still cheesing it up.

White folks love dirty gym shoes, not putting hats on their babies, and “up and coming” neighborhoods but not the people already there. And dogs. Y’all love the fuck out of dogs.

Ain’t no way I’m the same age as Claire Danes.

I mean, if you order from my shop, I ship out within 24 hours. And you’ll get a tracking number almost immediately. 🥴 #SupportSmall

30 BUSINESS days is 6 weeks, not 4. You gotta wait a whole entire summer break to even ask when you getting your shit?!?! I thinks the fuck not.

If you call me with something I did wrong and I apologize and order to make it right, WHY IS WE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT?!?! I’m not doing the thing where I sit and listen to folks telling me how wrong I am over some minor shit. You got 140 characters and I’m done listening.

Damn it feels good to be a Bears fan.

I WAS HOT!! Breath control is real.

Whitney and MJ ONLY because I’ve never seen them live. I saw Prince thrice but I would love to see him again.

So my mom and her husband went to Montgomery last week and hung out with the crew from chairteenth… and I am jealous

Out in these streets. This dude told me I’m walking around like I own this shit. AND DO!!!