"alright being real careful with my new hoodie, keeping it clean, only wearing it to go to and from work but not during the shift. This cost decent money lets make it las-" *Notices two holes in back of it* "Alright fuck it we go yet another who gives a fuck article of clothing. Sigh."

Imagine being so transphobic you actively tell your userbase to destroy your business.

It's weird to me how funny nearly every werner Herzog impression I've heard is, they almost always have me reeling when I've only seen so little of his work. How is it always so goddamn funny to me it's like my comedic weak point.

Time to reheat my coffee and put this dog in his crate.

Choose your caffeinated character

We stay reading on the night shift. It's always fun when I'm reminded that Thibbledorf Pwent is an actual character because just him entering a scene, any scene, is almost always kind of funny. Him and his gang of frankly *insane* dwarves.

The perfect anti-dog barking at the door to the hallway technology: an unplugged vacuum with an impromptu wall of two folding chairs and a rolling cabinet. He knows it can't hurt him like that but he's still too scared to get near it. Genius.

I dunno what the fuck whoever in the nearby parked car is jamming out to but even muffled it sounds pretty good.

I need to A) check my actual physical calendar more and B) reconsider my silencing notifications for family group texts because I nearly didn't see it was my oldest siblings bday & kept thinking "oh that's on the ninth I got time" NO JACKASS, IT'S THE FOURTH Cut to my dumbass scrambling for a gift

Caught up on some much needed sleep, took a nice walk in the light rain with the dog since nobody was awake (he's still drying off in his kennel with the heater nearby) and we're gonna keep this day off going with almost all of the last bit of the coffee I have left.

Oh sure when food's on the line he's all silence and patience but if a single other living being enters the hallway it's all growls and barks followed by several woofs

Things I say to this dog on a regular basis purely for my own amusement: "Hello, stinky" "Quit doing the shimmy shake" "What are you sneezing for, you don't even have a job" "Ya I called you a large dummy, because you are dumb and large" "Oh so when *I* use *you* as a pillow it's not okay, huh"

I hope everybody that harassed sungwon cho off of twitter shits out their organs then falls down some stairs. Maybe that's a little too harsh. I take back the stairs bit. I hope they fall down one stair step while shitting out their organs. That's more sensible for those hateful dumbfucks.

happy you should spell it with a u but whatever day

You know if you'd ask me if I'd see fan art of watto today i would have guessed no. If you asked well what if it was sexy fan art I also wouldn't have guessed it. Must be a meme goin' 'round these parts I'm unaware of (I do mildly wish that I was MORE unaware of it but hey whatever floats your boat)

Almost horribly broke my ankle walking the dog earlier. He pulled me off balance while I was walking on the uneven ground and the sound my ankle made and the raw, unadulterated pain that surged forth...good god I could've powered a small city with the adrenaline and fear that shot through me.

Works done I'm home it's time for leftovers and fruit

It's my birthday! Share my art to party with me: 🎈💃🕺✨🎂🎁

Uh hopefully the two calls I just got a couple minutes ago from the retirement home while I was working weren't emergencies?? At the time I couldn't think of any reason I'd be getting any so maybe they were mistakes but I just realized maybe that was a coworker calling from their other job

and now, after trudging home sweaty and tired, taking a well earned shower, we free the dog to get a second shower of saliva and fur

It's time to go back to sad angry elf time on my break at work.

Thought of these two images at work listening to Radio Westeros. If you get why without looking at the alt text or thinking all too much about them congratulations you are a gigantic dork like me

Lil' coffee and early morning ck3 shenanigans before it crashes

Buddy: hey when's the next wrestling show coming to town Me: Oct Buddy: heard the British bulldogs' coming! M: that'd be pretty difficult B: why? M: well he's been dead since we were 12 B: oh...then, wait who the hell is M: his son, they're booking his son B: OHH M: yeah they aren't digging him up

I think I just saw what i can only describe as the Canadian version of jon moxley comedically debunk a stupid conspiracy theory video and had a good laugh when i realized who the dude looked like. Hearing the tired "heaven fuckin' forbid" come out of his mouth was icing on the cake

Whatever dumbshit asked George that rude question should've got chairs thrown at them like when Terry Funk incited that riot and got the ring buried in thrown chairs. Just friggin' christ it's one thing to joke about the books not being done but to just go "you're old & gonna die" to somebody's face

Hey just a quick lil' pointer for people lacking common sense: if I'm walking a dog and that dog, maybe not angrily but starts barking and pulling at the leash intensely from a BIG-ASS PARKING LOT AWAY and your dog also does this the course of action isn't BRING YOUR DOG CLOSER, SLOWLY.

Mistake one: only buying a bag of espresso coffee, and it being the only coffee on hand to make at 3:30 am Mistake two: currently brewing way too much espresso

Slight diminish a band: Crack Flag Taylor Velocity Goo-Tang Clan Henry Collins Band Ugly Man Thorson & The Rising Angels Ted Leo & The Pharmacologists The Flaming Hot Cheetos Lips Pig(lette) Destroyer Not So Swollen Members Mice Cube

The two heirs of the Armstrong family having a potential duel to the death while the rest of the family just calmly packing for a vacation and just immediately leaving is pretty funny. "Oh our first two children are trying to murder each other ho hum let's hit the road."

Brought everything to work except my bottle of water

Walked back from work It's already too fucking hot time to pop one of these bad boys

*dog walks over to me as I lay on the couch* "Whatchu want buddy? Hm?" *Stare* "Do you want...food?" *Tail wags side to side* "Or perhaps...to go...outside? For a...walk?" *Tail in full 360 swing, climbs on top of me* "Alright alright alright we're going" *Shoves dog off as he excitedly pants*

an historical recreation

New chair may be corny looking as all hell but it's better than a goddamn folding chair. Now despite assembling it as slowly as possible and following all the steps i somehow still think this thing will collapse on me at the perfect moment for comedic/injury-causing purposes.

Forgot to mention to my older brother that while i don't care about chair *brands* I do think gaming chairs look very dumb but since he was a) kind enough to buy me a gift and b) able to get this for cheaper than every other chair for sale...guess who now owns a gaming chair

there's an episode of The Simpsons where Marge tries to get a violent cartoon pulled from the airwaves, only to discover that the people backing her aren't going to stop at just the art that *she* doesn't like, and that supporting artistic freedom means accepting discomfort. It aired in 1990.

Didn't have a drink on my actual birthday so it's after work beer time the day after